Just a one shot I played around with one night for fun, I'd love to continue it when I have time (unfortunately this is really kind of doubtful) Still it makes me laugh (Poor phic it makes me laugh ah hahahaha!) Right! Ahem! Ok! Enough! Enjoy!


Erik was feeling…there was no other word for it…bitchy.

Yes, the great and drool-worthy Phantom of the Opera was feeling like a bitch.

He was in a downright nasty mood as he swished his black cape back and forth in that naturally becoming, oh so sexy Phantom sex god manner, stalking through his lair, wanting to Punjab someone.

Had Erik been an Erika he would have been diagnosed with a severe case of PMS and sat down with a big box of Cadbury and marshmallows and watched Passions until Ethan and Teresa finally got married.

Fortunately for the millions of phangirls currently laying on their beds with their eyes closed, and listening to Erik's voice caress and seduce their ears in a tone that dripped with passion and desire…Erik was not an Erika and he refused to eat chocolate as any singer knows, chocolate mucus's up the throat, and no one can sing in a sexy drop dead (because of the Punjab lasso) gorgeous voice when he/she's been stuffing themselves with Turkish Delight. (Erik's favorite, simply because it was made with roses).

With a groan of exasperation he flung himself into his throne and buried his mask in his hands.

His Phangirl of the Week, (An insanity of a competition he had agreed to take part in to fund himself as his managers still refused to pay him!), a short brunette with pink and purple streaks through her hair, sat perched on his organ.

"What's the matter Erik?" she asked brightly, Erik looked up, as their eyes met, the familiar line of drool started down her chin, getting longer…and longer…and longer…

Erik leapt up and pulled the offending creature off his organ before the drool hit his precious keys.

"I am bored." He stated. The phangirl tilted her head to one side and looked at him vapidly.

"We could play Star Wars Trivial Pursuit?" she suggested hopefully, Erik shook his head.

"No" he growled irritably, quickly sidestepping her attempt to hug him. He had learnt the hard way that if a phangirl started to hug him, it was rather hard to get them off. Not to mention a hug brought their faces, and lips, dangerously close to his own.

Yes…he had learnt that the hard way…

"Maybe a song?"

"NO!" Not if he wanted fifty million rabid phangirls clambering through his lair again. He sould still hear their shrieks echoing through some of the lower caverns. Wincing at the memory he turned to look at little…oh hell, it didn't matter. As soon as they saw the mask they all got that identical and insane grin on their faces anyway.

Little whatsername was grinning at him evilly. Erik started to feel very apprehensive, slowly he began to edge away from the crazed phan.

"I know what will make you feel better!" she announced gleefully, "A present!"

Oh God, not this again. Erik thought, he knew all too well the kinds of presents phangirls liked to give him, hisfingers twitched delicately towards his Punjab lasso.

But the pink and purple streaked brunette ran straight past him and into the Louis-Philippe room. He gave them that room for two…no wait, three reasons.

One, he didn't use it.

Two, they usually spent a day oohing and ahhing over the swan bed and singing Music of the Night to themselves before fainting dramatically onto the bed and giving him a days worth of peace.

And Three, they usually tried to climb into his coffin with him at night if he did not outline straight away where they could and could not go.

The brunette dashed out again with something clutched behind her back.

"Close your eyes and hold out your hands," she instructed. Erik groaned, not again, he had fallen for that once, never would he repeat that experience. Instead he simply held out one long black clad arm expectantly. The brunette frowned, then pouted,

"Eeeerrriiiiick…" she begged, "Please?"

Erik sighed and closed his eyes, it was easier than arguing, and no one could be more stubborn than a phangirl. Still, his fingers tightened on his lasso.

A soft cloth something was dropped into his hand, Erik opened his eyes.

A miniature Vicomte Raoul de Changy voodoo doll sat in his long-fingered hand, complete with foppish hair and clothes and pins already stuck into several…tender…parts of the dolls anatomy. The brunette bounced hopefully on the balls of her feet like an excited puppy.

"Do you like it?" she squealed. Erik chuckled darkly and patted her on the head,

"Very good little one," he praised her. She melted into a puddle of phangirliness, fainting dead away at Erik's feet.

Erik stepped over the inert phangirl who had presented him with this gift, smiling seductively as he fingered the miniature noose around the Vicomte's foppish neck.

Hmm…he thought seductively, Maybe today wasn't so bad after all….