Reason to live

x

Warnings/notes: Julian Skye (in love with) Finlay Campbell, Finlay/Evangeline, snippet.

(!) Spoilers for Deathstalker War.

Disclaimer: The wondrous world of the Deathstalker-universe was created by Simon R. Green.

written at 7th June 2005, by Misura, for a request made by indeliblefancy in the livejournal-community ficondemand (on occasion of the Junetide).

A bit of a missing scene, taking place on Haceldama, after the great attack on the Merry Mrs. Trusspot.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As the weight and warmth of Finlay's hand on his shoulder are slowly fading, Julian struggles to raise himself to a sitting position, to find the strength to ask Finlay to stay for just another handful of seconds, because there's something Julian has to tell him.

You're my reason for living now.

Finlay says something to Giles, who scowls, thus giving Julian a pretty good idea what Finlay's comment was about. It's strangely gratifying, to know Finlay's not only defending him from the enemy they all fight, but also against people who are on the same side -ostensibly, apparently and, considering what Julian has seen of Giles' powers thus far, hopefully.

I have got nobody else left.

Evangeline's voice -strained, but still firmly polite- mingles with those of Giles and Finlay, smoothing over ruffled feathers, until Giles, with a last dark look at Finlay, backs away, out of the room. Julian neither knows nor cares where Giles is going; he knows now where he's standing in the man's esteem -a little higher than a simple sword, but nonetheless a tool to be used and discarded once he's outlived his usefulness.

A spell of dizziness comes and passes, leaving him flat on his back with Finlay worriedly peering down at him, with Evangeline hovering in the background.

In a flash of clarity that makes him wonder if perhaps he's going to die after all, if Finlay has made as dangerous an enemy as Giles Deathstalker for nothing, Julian knows that there will never come a more perfect opportunity than this.

Together with this knowledge though, comes the certainty of being able to predict Finlay's reaction practically word-by-word.

"You are my only reason for living," Julian will tell Finlay, meaning everything.

"Get well soon," Finlay will reply, as if it's nothing. "You're a good person, Julian. I don't want to lose you."

Worst of it, Julian thinks, is that Evangeline will know; she's less innocent or -to be fair- sheltered than one would expect. She won't speak of it, of course, won't tell Finlay to stay away from Julian because friendship's only a part of what Julian wants from him, and she definitely won't talk to Julian himself about it, informing him he'd better keep away from the man she loves - the man they both love. She'll know, all the same. Julian doesn't want her to know. He likes her too much for that, as a friend and comrade.

"You feeling a bit better?" Finlay asks, not a hint in his tone that there are other things, lots of other things, he should be doing instead of sitting here holding Julian's hand.

"Sure," Julian croaks. "Just you wait; two days from now, I'll be up and ready to kick anyone's -or anything's- arse."

Finlay chuckles. "Hearing you talk, I'd almost believe you."

Over the next few days, Julian finds himself quite thankful for that 'almost', and too busy wishing he could die to feel ashamed of not having made good on his promise, or of clinging to Finlay's hand like he's a scared little kid of ten years old again

x- an ending -x