Things They Never Said In Gatekeepers 21


Disclaimer:
Gatekeepers, Gatekeepers 21, Gatekeepers 1985 and all other anime/movies/books/etc are not mine. Kageyama, Ayane, Megumi, Misao, Yukino and even Yuuri Shoujo rock! Also, Satoka sucks and Miu should die.


Note:
Bold text are Author's (meaning, me) narration and lines.

This is a repost of a series I had already posted but had been deleted because it was in script form. It has been edited accordingly. Anyways, this is a collection of rants, blurbs, opinions and conjectures –all humorous– on the quirks of the Gatekeeper 21 personalities derived from both literary and visual canon sources. Please read, laugh your heads off (an alternate reaction of "WTF?" is also sought) and then review.


Kageyama Reiji


"Kageyama Reiji hated the world."


In the background, the voices of two people can be heard arguing. One is the slighted party in question. The other is the Author of this fan fiction.

"It's Nazo! NAZO! NAZO!"

"Shut up, Reiji. I'm the writer, not you. Kageyama it is."


"As I was saying: Kageyama Reiji hated the world."


And suddenly: A flashback to the original Gatekeepers! With the younger pretty playboy Kageyama in his usual arrogant pose surrounded by lots of hot joshikusei groupies.

"I hate the world and its people. They made me eat shit when I was a kid. Thus I will help the Invaders conquer the world and assimilate all of humankind like the Borg do. We are the Invaders. Lower your shields and deactivate your weapons systems. Resistance is futile…"


"–Even after Ukiya Shun beat him–"


Reiji is being sucked into the vacuum that Shun had opened with his full Gate power. His comment of "This sucks" is unheard (having been edited out)but appropriate.


"–And even after coconspirator Kurogane Megumi saved his life during the end of the original Gatekeepers–"


Megumi is dragging Reiji off. The former is grumpy. The latter is even more so due the former.

"Why did you save me? I wanted to die! I still hate the world and its people!"

"What an ungrateful person…"


"–Until Megumi slept with him, that is…"


On a bed, a naked Reiji is staring at the ceiling. Beside him, the equally nude Megumi is in a funk.

"Damn," she mutters. "That's the last time I'm going drinking with you."

"I was wrong," Reiji realized. "I don't hate the world anymore. I will make it a safer place for Megumi's sake!

(Aside, he was also thinking: "Also, so I can have more sex with Megumi, too…")

"He's become even more pathetic– if that's possible…"


"So, Kageyama fought with Shun and Jun Thunders during Gatekeepers 1985–"


Shun and Jun are fighting Invaders when a familiar figure in glasses and black suddenly comes out of nowhere to help them.

"I will be your ally, Ukiya Shun. Just call me Nazo."

The Invaders and Jun go: "What? Shadow?"

"Oi, Reiji!" Shun grins. "It's nice to have you on the team at last!"

"What?" The newcomer is startled. "How did you know it was me?"

"Dude, it's like your glasses and haughty pose and your Gate abilities give you away."

"Damn, so much for anonymity…"


The scene cuts to Char Aznable disguised as Quattro Bagina in Zeta Gundam.

"What are you looking at?" he demands.


"–And became a good person–"


Shun holds a baby Ayane up to Reiji's face. "Here, Ayane-chan! Meet your Uncle Reiji!"

Reiji looks dubiously at Ayane as if afraid of being drooled on– which he was. "Are you sure she's your daughter?" he asks.

Ayane creates a small Gate and hits Reiji with Shinkuu Missile, flooring the latter.

Megumi nods. "She certainly is."


"–not to mention getting to sleep with Megumi. That bastard…"


"Yeah!" Reiji exults. "This is the life!"

Beside him, an annoyed and exhausted Megumi grumbles, "Don't you even think to rest?"


"–Until Megumi died."


Typical Buddhist funeral, with Megumi's picture on her coffin and incense burning. Also, there is Emperor Palpatine on the side.

"Apparently," the evil old man said, "You killed her due to excess sex."

Reiji wailed. Like Anakin Skywalker in Episode III.

"NO! THAT CAN'T BE! SHE WAS STILL ALIVE WHEN I LAST SAW HER!"He staggers forward and hold his hands up to heaven (and did a better job at it than Hayden Christiansen could ever hope to do).

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

In the background, the Imperial March starts playing.


Aside, Megumi's spirit -dressed in simple brown robes and a light blue nimbus- shrugs. "Well, at least I'll get a well-deserved break after everything that sex maniac put me up to…"


"Reiji was disconsolate!"


In a nameless bar where countless loveless young men like Terry Bogard and Hibiki Ryoga are drinking themselves insensible, Reiji and the Author are sitting side by side and drinking booze.

"I am disconsolate," Reiji sniffles. "I am drinking booze to console myself, but it is not enough for me. Only Megumi can bring happiness back to me, but she is gone and I am lost in misery and melancholy…"

"Stupid Gonzo," the Author curses before breaking down over his glass of Cali Ice. "Stupid Gotoh Keiiji! You made me fall in love with yet another two-dimensional, non-existent fictional anime girl! And then you had the gall to kill her! Damn you for making my life a series of unrequited romances!"

"You know, Darren, you won't get drunk on that."

"Shut up. I'm just drinking this so they don't kick me out of the bar."


"But then, an inspiration hits like a hammer!"


THWACK!

"Ouch!"Reiji clutches at his head and glares at the Author. "What was that for?"

"Plot devices beckon."


"Ukiya Shun had left a little daughter. This girl, Ayane, acted a lot like Reiji– and like Megumi, too!"


"I am full of hate for my father because he left my mother all alone to fend for herself," Ayane swears. "I also hate the world and its people because they are so noisy and dirty and a bunch of assholes all."


"So, a plan formed inside Reiji's mind!"


"Shun has left his daughter an orphan. I will take care of her– and mold her to become exactly like Megumi!"


"And thus, he put his plan into motion…"

On her nth birthday, Reiji gives Ayane a pair of glasses that suspiciously look like Megumi's. "Ayane, you must put these glasses on."

"What for?"

"Because they will distinguish you from the maggots who walk this world!" (Aside, he was also thinking: "Also, they will make you look like Megumi!")

"Okay…" Ayane puts on the glasses– and is promptly brainwashed and starts acting like Megumi. Reiji exults.

"Yes!"


"And that is the reason why Reiji is nice to Ayane and rumples her hair affectionately! He used to do the same with Megumi when they were together!"


It's the scene from the anime where Reiji rumples Ayane's hair. "Don't work yourself too hard, Ayane," he told her.

She glowers at him. (Cutely, too, in the Author's opinion.) "Don't do that. It messes up my hair."

"Well, that's different from how Megumi reacts."

"How is it so?" asks the Author, who materialized out of nowhere with Yukino and Hisame.

"She drops her Iron Wall on me, that's how so."

In a disapproving tone, Yukino rhymes: "When older man rumples hair of young girl, lolicon ideas in head will unfurl."

"Do you always have to talk poetically?" Reiji asked.

Hisame hissed. Then it bit him.

"Aaah! Gate of Rabies!" Reiji then begins to froth at the mouth.

Aside, the Author goes: "Yukino-chan's cute, too…"


"And that's the reason why Yuurei Shoujo blew off Kageyama's arm! She was jealous!"


Inside Kageyama's apartment with angry Yuurei, comatose Ayane plus Reiji and Miu:

"You pedophile!" raved Yuurei. "How dare you rumple Ayane's hair! Ayane is mine! All mine! Gate: Open!"

"Can't there be a normal boy-girl pairing in Gatekeepers 21?" Reiji asked plaintively.

"I love Ayane," Miu announces.

"Stupid little airhead lesbian ditz," thundered the Author. "Invaders, take her away already!"

"Ieeeeeeee! Oka-san!"

"Mother isn't here!" the Author laughs evilly.

"Otou-san!"

"Fathers are useless– well, just some of them are. I promise I'll be different from Shun, Ayane!"

"Ripping off my lines now, too?" muttered Ayane.


"Not to mention the fact that Kageyama's Gate is actually a prude and decides to take his arm off as punishment for fondling Ayane…"


Reiji stares at the stump of his missing arm. "Talk about Gatekeepers having sad lives, indeed…"


END


"Did you guys find this funny? I hope you did. If so, send me reviews!"

"Damn it, Darren!How dare you turn me into a pedophile? Curse you! I will remove your happiness in the future with my Gate of Discernment by making sure no reviews reach you! Then I'll send you to an alternate dimension of shadows with my Gate of Darkness!"

"And how dare you deny me my reviews? I'll use my The Will and The Word, a.k.a. the Gate of Cheap Author Godhood Power! Then I'll add Megumi to my harem! Bwahahahahahahaha!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MEGUMI IS MINE!"

Near insane Author and horrified Reiji is the mega meganekko trio of Megumi, Misao and Ayane. They all disapprove of the scene.

Megumi: "What a bunch of stupid fan boys."

Misao: "Concur."

Ayane:"Whatever…"


"Next up: Ukiya Ayane!"

"I don't like that surname."

"But it's cute! Besides, I have another plan for 'Isuzu' Ayane, you know."

Ayane shrugs noncommittally. "Whatever."

"Anyway, please review my ficcie!"