Forgotten Memories

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha.

What does Kohaku think every time he sees his sister?

Kohaku can seem like an -extremely- annoying character, especially when he is sent on a mission for Naraku and Sango meets up with him, frantic about his lack of memory and the crimes he has already 'committed'. If you have only seen the English version, then you won't understand his character as well. If you have seen the Japanese version or get a chance to, take it! The voice acting is unbelievably better, and it portrays the character of Kohaku so much better than the dubbed version. I guarantee you that you won't find Kohaku as annoying; in fact, the Japanese Kohaku is done so well that you can almost feel the sorrow and guilt he goes through in the first episodes that he appears. And Japanese Sango is just... wow.

Anyway, the main point of this fanfic was to have Kohaku describe, from his POV, what it was like to face Sango or not to remember anything at all, yet have the feeling that he should be able to recognize the face he sees. Do not base your opinion of Kohaku on the dubbed version.

"Can you kill Inuyasha?"

"Yes, Naraku-sama."

"Can you kill Kagome, Miroku, Shippou… and Sango?"

"Yes, Naraku-sama."

I stand there in my taijiya uniform, my protective gas mask over my face. My master, Naraku-sama, sits a few feet in front of me, a slight smirk decorating his face. I can feel the shard in my back, and I know there are a few drops of blood where the piece of glass is embedded, but the pain…

The pain cannot be felt.

There are wounds all over my body. I cannot remember where they are from, but I have a guess that it has something to do before I came to be like this.

I was brought out of a grave by a strange man. The pain of many wounds reached me, and I nearly passed out again. I wasn't quite sure what had happened, but before I could get a grasp of my surroundings and who the man was, I felt him pressing something sharp, like glass, into my back. Immediately, my pain ceased to exist.

The thick amounts of blood that had poured out of my back, my shoulders, and my arms just moments ago seemed to decrease to mere droplets. I couldn't tell if I had been healed by him, and as I opened my mouth to ask the man something, perhaps a question of why he was doing this, a strange sensation took over me.

"Who am I?"

I lost the complete sense of who I was. I couldn't remember what had happened to me before being taken out of the grave. I couldn't remember what the wounds were from. I couldn't remember my name. I couldn't remember if I even had a family. Did I? If I did… where were they? Did they know if I was here?

"Where am I?"

I couldn't remember why I was standing in front of this strange man, or how I had come to be here. And I didn't know why I couldn't remember. Even as I thought about all this, how utterly strange that I could not remember why I was here, the questions in my head seemed to vanish as the man continued smiling. Did any of it really matter?

My sense of knowing was being taken away, anything that could invoke question of not knowing what was happening, of not understanding was gone. And because I did not know why I would want to hang onto what little I could still remember at that point, which was almost nothing, I let him. I could not fight for something I did not know, and even as that thought crossed my mind, it vanished before I could ask about it.

However, even standing here, outside of this eerily silent building with that cloaked man in front of me, his red eyes staring into me, searching for something, I realize I do not know his name.

"Who are you?" My voice sounded emotionless. I had nothing. I was nothing.

The man chuckles, although it does not sound friendly. His laugh is cruel, and even though I do not know him, or if I should, it sends a wave of apprehension through my body.

"Call me… Naraku-sama," he says, his voice low and slightly threatening. "You are Kohaku," he adds. "Do you remember anything?"

My answer is almost immediate, and although I have a feeling I should recognize the sounds that make up my apparent name, I do not. It does not scare me. "No," I answer.

"Nothing at all?" It is almost as if he is trying to get me to recall something, but I cannot. He seems satisfied at the negative shake of my head. I do not break eye contact with him.

"Very well, then." He picks something up from the ground, and for the first time, I notice that it is a weapon of some sort. A scythe. The top part of the blade is stained a crimson colour, although I can tell the blood that must have been on it has dried hours ago. He smiles and hands it to me. "This belongs to you," he informs me, with that same chilling smile.

I take it without replying. It feels warm to my touch, and the sound of the chain rattling seems almost… familiar. But there is no time to be thinking about why I am holding this. Naraku motions for me to follow him, and I do.

We head into the building. I enter to see a dimly lit room. Naraku goes and sits down on a chair a few feet away from me.

"So, you remember nothing at all?" he clarifies one last time, that satisfied look coming back onto his dark features.

"No, Naraku-sama," I answer. Once again, that odd feeling comes back as I tell him what he

obviously expects to hear. It is almost as if he knows… as if he planned for me to be like this, with absolutely no idea of who I am, why I am here. Am I supposed to remember something? I am now completely confused.

"Good," he says. "There is a group travelling around, and I want you to dispose of them." The odd feeling goes away to be replaced with the desire to obey anything he wants me to do. After all, he does seem to know more about me than I do. Perhaps if I do this, I can remember more about myself.

The flash of a tall, teenage boy with silvery-white hair and golden eyes comes into my mind for a moment. He is dressed in a red kimono with a huge sword tucked into a sheath by his side.

"That is Inuyasha. He is a half-demon. He is the most dangerous, so you should be cautious around him," Naraku tells me. I nod to show I understand.

Next comes the flash of a younger teenage girl. She has long black hair and friendly brown eyes. She wears a strange looking uniform type of clothing which is coloured in green and white.

"Her name is Kagome. She always stays with him. Threaten to take her life and Inuyasha will be in haste to come to her rescue. However, she is also very trusting, and I am sure that you will be able to lure her away from her companion without too much trouble." I nod again.

There is another flash; this time, a monk in purple travelling robes is shown to me. He has a shiny golden staff that he carries at his side. His hair is an inky black colour and his eyes are a deep violet.

"He is the monk. Be careful. His weapon is the Kazaana, a hellhole in his hand that can suck up anything…" Naraku stops to smirk again at his own words. "… anything except the Saimyoushou. My poisonous insects," he says. Somehow, I know what he is talking about. "There are two others, one of which has very little importance. He is called Shippou, a rather pathetic fox demon that is utterly powerless save for his Foxfire, which has no more power than to create bright swirls of light. His pitiful attempts to try and use it as an attack more amusing than dangerous, and he will not stand in the way of your mission, Kohaku," Naraku says. There is a mysterious glint in his eyes. "The other one, however…"

An image appears in my mind. It is of a young woman, wearing a pink and green kimono. She has brown hair that goes a few inches past her shoulders and brown eyes, and she has a large boomerang. The name of the boomerang is called Hiraikotsu. It is another unknown thing that just comes to me naturally.

"Her name is Sango. Do not be fooled by her sweet personality; she will try to tell you about false things, Kohaku. That woman has no connection to you," he tells me, and I nod, taking in every word he says. It is important to listen to what he knows.

"As soon as you see her, I want to you kill her. Understand?"

"Kohaku… is it… really you?" The woman called Sango approaches me, her eyes full of disbelief, and a bit of hope. Then she seems to think otherwise. "It can't be… " She hesitates, and that faint flicker of hope in her eyes increases just a tiny bit as she examines my uniform. It is surprisingly similar to hers. Her eyes widen as she sees my weapon, then she moves her gaze back up to meet mine. "Let me… let me see your face."

I slowly pull my mask down. As I do, a quick flash of the woman that is watching me so intently goes through my mind. She is sitting beside me. I'm not sure where we are, but she is talking to me, and she is smiling, telling me something. The moment feels peaceful, comforting. I don't know what it is, but as soon as I try to remember more of it, it vanishes, leaving me confused.

"Who are you?" I ask her. The hope dies in her eyes as she takes a step forward.

"Kohaku… she says slowly, her voice trembling. "I saw – I saw you… die…"

As she closes the distance between us, I unleash my scythe, causing her to back away, her hand still outstretched as if she is trying to communicate something into me…

I am fighting with her in a forest, surrounded by thick tres on all sides. The battle is swift, but not deadly and I can almost feel… like I shouldn't be doing this. But Naraku has ordered me, and I will do as he commands.

I swing the blade at her, and she blocks with that huge weapon. I have noticed that she will not attack me. She only defends herself, but I will not go easy on her because of that. Naraku has told me to kill the one called Sango, and I will. Somehow, after a few minutes of attacking, she manages to flip me onto my back, restraining me easily. Then again, she is much taller and stronger than I am, although my speed does rival hers. I give up the struggle when I notice there are tears in her eyes.

She unsheathes the katana that she hadn't fought with earlier and moves her arm back, preparing to send it downwards where my heart would be. "I have to do this… I will kill you, then myself!" she says in a trembling voice. I don't understand. What does she mean by that? I'm too confused to try and understand what she is doing. One of her tears falls down her cheek and splashes onto mine.

"Why?" I ask, noticing for the first time how my voice doesn't sound as… dead as before. I want to know why. Why she is doing, why she is crying as if this hurts her. Why she insists on getting in my way.

"To save you from Naraku, this is the only way!" She hesitates ever so slightly, her grip shaking on the katana.

"Forgive me… Kohaku!"

Another flash enters my mind. I am in the training grounds for the taijiya. There are poles and targets on top of the poles. I raise my scythe and just before I throw, I turn to look at the person beside me for reassurance. She smiles in an encouraging way. It's the same woman who is staring at me now, a mixture of pain and desperation in her eyes.

Who is she?

Why is she crying?

Why does she seem to know who I am? Why can't I remember her?

I ask Naraku about them over and over again. They have been running through my head repeatedly ever since I escaped from that woman. It wasn't hard. Once I was out of her grasp, she put up little resistance, but there were tears flowing down her face as she cried my name. Not knowing who she was brought little comfort to the fact that I had gotten away. Naraku smirks. "Do you want your memories back, Kohaku?" he asks softly. I don't answer, and as he presses his hand to the top of my head, many flashes fill my mind.

I look around, and see that I am in the middle of a taijiya mission. My arm automatically swings out my scythe and I catch several other men by their throats, ripping through the skin. Their cries of pain echo through my head.

A woman steps in front of me. She is saying something, although I can't hear what the words are. Her eyes are filled with panic and a hint of anger as I find myself running at her to attack her. My blade collides against hers by a force I never thought possible. Something has to be controlling me, but I am powerless to do anything about it.

Suddenly, another flash of her appears in front of my eyes. This time, she is kneeling in front of me, and I am kneeling behind her. My scythe is digging into her back. A steady stream of blood is coming out of her back and she turns around to look at me. Her expression is of shock and pain. A horrifying realization hits me as I look closely at her. She's my sister! Ane-ue!

"No!" I grab my head in my hands, trying to block out the terrible images that won't leave my mind. I murdered my own family! How could I have done such a thing? I don't want to remember what I did! I don't want to!

"Very well," Naraku says, passing his hand in front of my face, and the memories are wiped clean once again. My guilt disappears, and I am left again with no explanation of why I am doing what I am doing, except for what Naraku has told me. All I know is that there are orders to be followed.

Who am I? Kohaku.

Where am I? I am here to serve Naraku.

This time, I know what I am doing here. He has given me orders to kill the one by the name of Sango. Without question, I obey. Even as I prepare to find her, and drive my scythe into her heart, I wonder about this strange feeling that won't fade away. Her face flashes back in front of my eyes, from when she was about to kill me only minutes ago. Why do I feel like I should know who she is?

If I am supposed to kill her…

Why won't her face leave my mind?

Written sometime during February/March 2005