Disclaimer: I own nothing I really want in this story.

Hey, everyone! I haven't written an FF8 fic in awhile and I have mostly done action/adventure fics lately, and I was bored and my girlfriend says I should "expand my horizons". I'm pretty sure she wasn't talking about my stories per se but I figured, what the hell, I'll write a romance. So, that's what this is. Yes, I said the R word. Romance. This is romance. Or, at least my version of it. Well it looks like its time for the monologue...

Ahem.The employees of Square, designing Final Fantasy 8, insisted that Selphie and Irvine were falling in love. But the gamers know that she and Zell were surely digging on each other. Watch Zell and Irvine kill themselves- and others- to win over Selphie's heart! It all started five years after the Second Sorceress War; Raijin and Fujin turned good and became SeeDs and Seifer was locked away. Next Friday would be the 5th anniversary of the day Squall and his SeeD squad defeating Sorceress Ultimecia. It all started when...

Chapter 1: Raijin

Did I put on too mcuh cologne today?

Is my hair okay?

Better straighten my hat.

The tattoo is cool. Chicks love the tattoo.

Ponytail or not? They like the ponytail. Yeah... ponytail.

Are my shorts too short? Too long? They don't seem the right length...

Selphie was walking innocently towards the cafeteria when Irvine and Zell jumped out of nowhere and ran towards her.

Not that cowboy-wanna-be!

What's Scarface doing here?

And so they got there at the same time.

"Oh, hey guys!"

"Selphie, do you want to go to the dance with me?" They blurted at the same time.

"Um," she said, looking at them both nervously. "Actually, I-"

"Don't go with him," they both said at the same time. "Go with me!"

"Actually, I was gonna go with Raijin," she said.

"What? Why Raijin?"

"Did you forget he tried to kill us? Twice?"

"I have several perfectly good reasons for wanting to go to the dance with Raijin."

"Such as..."

"He didn't ambush me out of nowhere. Yeah... anyway, I gotta go now. See ya later, guys." She caught up to Dr. Kadowaki, who was walking by, and began to gossip with her.

Zell and Irvine looked at each other.

"You're asking her to the dance?"

"Yeah... are you?"

"Of course."

"Then... I guess it's war."

"I guess it is." They began to walk away from each other.

"Oh yeah... it's war."

"War it is."

"War for Selphie."

"That it is."

"It is that."

"Which is war."

Nida, playing cards with the jogging kid on a nearby bench, shouted, "Shut up already!"

Saturday night found them both in the gym (accessible by going through the cafeteria) working away. Zell was strengthening his chest with a special kind of pushup. Irvine was running on the treadmill. They were both trying to shape up for more "Selphie appeal."

And they both glared at Raijin, effortlessly benching 320 pounds of sheer steel.

This'll never work, Zell thought. Neither of us can beat this guy. Then he got an idea. He left the gym in a hurry.

Zell chickened out, Irvine thought, smiling to himself. Unfortunately, this mind sidetrack caused him to lose his balance. He tripped over and hit his face on the control board and shot 4 feet away from the treadmill. "Ow," he moaned as Zell came hurrying back. He watched him approach Raijin with something in his hand.

"Hey, Raijin, old buddy, old pal, old friend. Can you do me a slight teensy weensy favor?"

"What is it?" he grunted as he put down his 320pound dumbell.

"Can you try some beer for me? I wanna have a second opinion about it."

(just a note everyone Zell is about 22 now just so you know)

:D The more you know:D (Sponsored by NBC. Not responsible for any injury or death caused by the "The More You Know" sign. Batteries not included, results may vary.)

"You know I don't drink, Zell."

"Well you sure looked drunk when we fought you at the Lunatic Pandora cuz you fought like a girl!"

"What was that!" Raijin jumped to his feet and began punching his palm with his fist threateningly.

Zell tried as hard as he could to look nervous."Uh-oh! Good thing I got this beer that raises strength!"

"What was that? Let me try some!"

He allowed Raijin to shove him to the side. "No! My beer!" But as according to plan, Raijin was high in 5 minutes. Raijin was never one for alcohol.

"Who are you?" he grogged at Zell. "Oh, it's the ice cream man. Where's my ice cream, you stupid cold tasty guy!" he slurred.

Zell left again. Irvine watched from a distance, wondering what Zell was up to.Raijin was starting to go to sleep in the middle of the gym when Zell came back with Selphie.

"I can't believe I forgot to ask him!" she said.

"Yeah, me too," Zell replied. "How odd. So ask him now."

"Um, Raijin, will you go to the dance with me?" she said.

By now, Raijin was even worse. He looked at her groggily. "Why, tats fairy flatterrin but I thank I wo not be widda prezzident uff poopeeness."

Selphie looked at Zell. "What, what does that mean?"

"I, uh, think it means no."

"Oh. OK, well, that's all right. I'll just skip on the dance, then."

Irvine felt that now was a good time to come into the show. He approached them.

"Hey guys, how y'all doing?"

"Oh no, not this again..." Selphie put her hand on her forehead. "Good day, good bye. Sorry but I'm kind of afraid to talk to you both at the same time. See you." She walked away. They were about to follow her when Raijin stood in their path, entering the third stage of hisalcoholic tantrums: rage.

"I wum my ice cream!" he bellowed. He started throwing weights at them.

They dodged a 60-pounder and ran after Selphie.

"I'll comfort you!"

"You can come sleep with me tonight!"

The two ran into each other as they ran down after Selphie. Eventually, Irvine threw Zell over the edge of the walkway and into the water below. He caught up with Selphie. He held her back. "Selphie, it's okay," he soothed, embracing her in a big warm hug. "I just want you to know that I'M HERE when YOU WANT ME and I have MORE COMPASSION THAN SOME PEOPLE IN THIS PLACE."

She brushed away her last tears and said, "Thanks, Irvine. Now I know who I really want to go with."

"Well," he started in satisfaction, "it's your lucky day, because I'm open and-"

"I want to go with Squall."

"I thought Squall was going with Rinoa!" Irvine said in disbelief.

"No," she replied. "He and Rinoa got in a fight."

"How can he not go with her? They're getting married in September!"

"It's that bad. I'm not going to do anything serious to get between them. I'll just ask him to the dance as friends.Well, anyway, see ya!" she walked away, smiling back.

"Squall will be harder than Raijin," Zell said as he climbed out of the water.

"Yeah, well, he'll probably say no."

"I wouldn't be too sure..."