the first line was stuck in my head all day. it evolved into this. yaoi warning my friends. and not happy yaoi. -fireun

Of all the things Roy Mustang regretted doing in life; he had never thought to add Edward Elric to the list. But there the younger alchemist was, curled up in an exceptionally quiet and content sort of way, long hair spread over torso and pillow in that way only a good bout of sex provided. It was an impossible juxtaposition, Edward Elric and sex.

Again, a thing Roy had never thought to add to any of his lists. There had to be some sort of irony in the situation. Some sort of explanation that went beyond a need to feel, to touch, to let go in a way that wouldn't end in death but was no less violent.

Even the knowledge that the blond had initiated it, had latched onto his mouth with a fearsome demand that had denied refusal, didn't quash the flickering guilt that rose like bile in the back of Roy's throat, the worry that twisted like worms in the pit of his stomach.

He was doomed as soon as those golden eyes opened and blinked away the last bit of transitory pleasure. As soon as Ed stretched and felt sore in places that ordinarily had no business being sore, as soon as he noticed the marks on his arms and back, and the matching ones that decorated Roy's own torso, the bite marks that both of them had almost savagely marked the other with, it would all be over.

Roy didn't know if he could stand to see the revulsion in those eyes.

Damn well knew he wouldn't last through the rejection.

He froze as the limbs tangled in his own twitched, as Ed stirred a bit, making tiny noises in the back of his throat. The younger man stretched a bit, nuzzling into Roy's side like a kitten before rolling over. Unexpectedly free, Roy slid from the bed. The opportunity to not be there when Ed woke was not one to be wasted.

He was a coward. He stumbled into the kitchen, awkwardly trying not to kick over any precariously balanced stacks of books, narrowly missing a shoe, before catching himself on the counter. Such a coward. Couldn't even face a man he had just spent the better part of the previous night fucking.

There was nothing elegant about it. No flowery words. Just a stunning confusion of touchtastesmell…just a tumble of flailing limbs, hitched breaths. The sound of Ed exclaiming in surprise, in pleasure; an unexpected, magnificent sound. An addictive sound…

Throat convulsing as his stomach clenched, Roy hovered over the sink in a position he hadn't been in since his last drinking binge with Maes, years ago. Spitting up a bit of bile he leaned thankfully into the hand carefully rubbing his back.

…a hand rubbing his back….

Horrified, Roy swung his head around, trying desperately not to give into his urge to scream. A very sleepy, very naked, Ed stood behind him, awkwardly trying to soothe his distress. Roy felt his eyes trace every inch of that form, knowing it intimately, wanting to confirm how soft skin was there, how sensitive flesh was there…and he was appalled.



Any minute now full awareness would enter into those beautiful gold eyes, marring the sleepy concern with aversion. Anticipation finally managed to turn his stomach, and he whirled back towards the sink, ignoring how the room managed to spin in his desperation. The next few minutes were spent in agony and embarrassment; dry heaving over a few dirty coffee mugs and an old bowl, Roy's only high point being that there wasn't anything in his stomach to bring up.

And all that time Edward hovered, obviously concerned. When was he going to realize what had happened? When was he going to howl and shout, proclaiming his displeasure to the heavens, not to mentions the neighbors? Long after his stomach had settled to an angry gurgle of acid, Roy stood silent, head hanging over his sink.


Roy closed his eyes, jaw clenching. Here it was. Now the words were going to start.

"Shouldn't you sit down or something? You don't look so good."

Roy's eyes flew open as he turned, confused. This wasn't right…Ed wasn't supposed to be concerned…

But there he was, automail hand aggressively placed on his hip, flesh hand awkwardly patting Roy on the back. "What's wrong with you?" Roy muttered, his voice ragged.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that? Now sit the hell down."

There was no fighting the man when he decided to do something, and right now Ed had decided that it was time for Roy to sit. Having been maneuvered into a chair, Roy watched in a daze as Ed attempted to brew coffee. It would have been amusing, had it not been so…domestic.

That and Roy was fascinated with the move of thigh muscles as Ed moved, the tug and pull of the flesh of the alchemists ass as he reached for something not quite in reach. It made him feel subhuman, dirty, but he couldn't stop. Traitorous eyes appreciated the tone of that small body; rebellious hands remembered the intoxicating feel of those muscles moving to a rhythm they were just learning…

With a keening sigh his head sank into his hands. It was just so wrong…

"Hey, bastard, don't pass out there. I don't want to have to haul your sorry ass back to bed."

It was affronted, it was gruff…familiar…almost right…

But the panting memory of that voice was insidious, haunting,

Roy looked up, eyes dull. It would have been so much easier if Ed had been upset. "Edward…"

"Hm?" Ed turned to face Roy, hip turning just so as waited.

It was a delicious torture. Roy let himself make one more visual sweep of that perfect, sinful body, before meeting inquisitive gold eyes. "Could you please get dressed and go home."

It was damning to watch that face twist into angry confusion, the rejection of ones first lover was never easy to handle.

I'm not rejecting you…you should be rejecting me…oh, you should be rejecting me…

"I see. One more for the list, Colonel?" Ed sneered, thrusting out his hips suggestively. "Take a good long look bastard. Was it everything you wanted?"

Needed…needed you. Need you…

He watched, desolately, as Ed stomped off, listened to him mutter as he dressed, and watched the swirl of a red coat as the young man slammed the door shut behind him.

It was the right thing…the right thing….Roy pressed his temples, trying to forget the feel of Ed curled next to him, clutching onto him in sleep. "Right?" He whimpered into the empty room. The smell of fresh brewed coffee drifted into his nose and he sobbed.