Not So Innocent
Disclaimer: LucasFilm Ltd owns. Not me. No infringement intended.
Summary: Her mind had been cleansed…it was her body she had not quite learned to forgive. Dark. L/M.
Content Warning: Some really mature and adult situations. Disturbing themes and imagery. Not for the light-hearted. Angst to the limit.
Rating: Mature (M)
A/N: While this is my usual angst-filled style, the higher rating is not. So I'm stepping out of my comfort zone here. If anyone wishes to sign up for checking nominations in the fanfic awards for EU stories and for Slash, please let me know!
She was not innocent. She was probably the furthest thing from innocence, most likely the most tainted. There were scars on her soul from mistakes made long ago. Her mind and spirit had been forgiven, if not in the eyes of at least herself, then in the eyes of the galaxy that surrounded her.
Her mind had been cleansed, the Emperor's dark voice removed from her thoughts permanently. It was her body she had not quite learned to forgive. She was amazed at the peace and tranquillity that his aura emitted around her. He knew very well about her past. He knew she was tainted. He knew of the sacrifices of herself she had made.
He didn't seem to care.
Admittedly, she had been scared. Horrified. Terrified. Frightened. Her body froze up at the mere thought of him rejecting her, turning her away once he realised the heavy burden she carried with her. She was damaged.
So was he, he argued.
Not in the same way, she had whispered back, voice strained.
It had felt to her that he had forgiven her too easily. That maybe, he was hiding some bitter resentment towards her underneath. Maybe, his calm, Jedi demeanour was just a distraction from the disgust he felt towards her.
The beautiful and elusive Emperor's Hand.
The fierce and deadly assassin of Palpatine.
The outspoken and open Jedi Knight.
The sensual and powerful Mara Jade.
But, tonight her role was altered in many ways. She would become all of them; her past and her present would entwine. She would need to become vulnerable, need to become open. It was her wedding night, for Force-sake! She had restrained from succumbing to her urges well before tonight. She and Luke had danced on the lines of temptation, over and over. But they both knew they wanted it to be special. So they had waited.
And now, Mara was terrified.
She stood in front of the mirror and slowly peeled her ivory wedding dress off. It had been beautiful on and complimented her figure perfectly. But now, she shivered as she took if off. She didn't want Luke to do it. This was personal. This was Mara Jade facing her fears and confronting them head on.
He didn't need to see this. But she did.
So she stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom of their suite, staring at her body. Her body, the vessel that didn't match the purity of her mind. She sighed as her fingers lightly traced the hideous scars that marred her body. They had been hidden for so long. She had nearly forgotten they were there. But sure enough, the cruel evidence of her lost childhood as an Imperial assassin was there.
She trembled as she turned around to examine the ones on her back. In her eyes they were gruesome. In reality, they had faded beyond recognition. Suddenly, it was as if something switched on in her mind. She was catapulted back into her vivid memories.
A teenage Mara flicks her golden-red hair as she turns seductively in front of the Imperial Senator. The lesson Palpatine himself taught her echoes through her mind.
Use your femininity to your advantage. Give him what he longs for and he will be yours to mould.
An older, wiser, Mara dresses in front of a mirror, strategically placing weapons on her body, underneath her skimpy outfit. She dances in front of five Imperials and finally settles on the one in the middle. She sits on him and kisses him vigorously.
Mara desperately searches though a messy apartment, looking for the stolen Imperial merchandise. She gasps as an angry man steps into the room. His anger quickly turns into pleasure, as she lies with him in his bed, sweaty after his rough lovemaking.
Mara cringes as the man on top of her screams her false name in pleasure, biting her lip to stop the pain from coming. She gathers her emotions and in one smooth gesture, breaks his neck with a sickening twist.
Mara screams as the Rebel hold her down. She is powerless against him, for now. As soon as it's over, she claims herself and shoots him with her blaster.
Mara moans in pleasure, as she shudders and rolls over. Her eyelids fall. The moment she wakes, she is alone. She begins to cry.
Mara bites her tongue as the beatings continue. She cries her Master's name, yet receives no response. She uses her wits and finally agrees to a compromise. She isn't released until five months later.
She shuddered as the memories assaulted her. She had tried to keep them at bay for so long. But now, she wasn't here to keep herself alive. She wasn't running a simple errand for her Master. She was a wife and her husband was waiting for her. She shivered and opened the connecting door to their bedroom.
He was already waiting.
He gasped as she walked into the room. Her fiery red hair curled around her face, framing it perfectly. Her green eyes sparkled and a soft smile adorned her lips. He could tell she was conflicted. But she was still beautiful. Without a word, he rose out of the bed and softly moved his hands down her arms.
With a swift motion, he picked her up and carried her to their bed. He laid her down.
He knew she was battling her tears. He wiped away the ones that had started to trickle down her beautiful face. He knew what was bothering her. She needed to know that he didn't think any less of her. He loved her.
He wanted her.
He just needed to show her.
He traced the faded scars that were on her body, much as she had moments before. He kissed them gently, dragging his lips over them and savouring them. This was his way of showing her that he forgave her.
It was his way of telling her that she was worthy. Telling her that she was Mara Jade Skywalker in name, in spirit and now in body. He made love to her slowly the first time.
He was gentle. They both knew that it wasn't his first time. In that respect, he had only slightly been tainted. But it felt new for both of them. He kissed her passionately as their bodies clashed together.
He could feel the anguish and darkness deep inside her as she cried out his name. He followed suit and felt their bodies trembletogether. Suddenly, the images and the pain were gone. Silence filled her mind for a brief second, and then was matched by the gentle breathing of her husband.
She tried again.
The nightmares didn't come.
She raised her hand and felt the places where her gruesome scars had been.
They were gone.
She turned to him, to Luke, her husband. He loved her. He wanted her. He had forgiven her a long time ago.
It was only then that Mara realised that she had finally forgiven herself.