The next player up to bat wore a confident grin. He pointed to the outfield and took a few practice swings. Shikamaru rolled his eyes at the guy and his bravado. "Tch. Why'd I agree to play this game again?" His pride was still smarting over Temari's unsportsmanlike conduct at the plate. It was good looking conduct but that wasn't the point. Chouji gave him a signal and with precision accuracy the slow ball headed for the plate. There was a crack as the ball hit the bat. For a split second everyone on the field felt their eyes go blurry but they blinked and it was gone.
And so was the ball. Gaara took off running. He saw the ball but it seemed like no one else did. He didn't recognize the person that hit the ball but recognized the tactic.
"It's a genjutsu!" Shikamaru shouted in realization. But the player wasn't a jounin, he didn't even look to be chuunin but neither did Shikamaru, he thought to himself. It was probably a small scale technique. If it was thin, all the needed was someone that could see chakra. "Neji, use your byakugan!"
Neji nodded and the veins pulsated around his eyes. "Byakugan!" He perused the outfield with no sign of the ball. The batter was quickly approaching him. He had to find the ball- Gaara was almost to home. He looked down in thought and noted a small ball covered in chakra at his feet. For a second he thought he could hear his uncle and cousin yelling at him.
"YOUR FEET!!! NEJI!!!! THE STUPID BALL IS ON YOUR STUPID FOOOOOT!!!" Hanabi yelled almost falling over into the next row. Hiashi grabbed her shirt and pulled her back down.
"Calm down, it's just a game, dear. Besides, he can't hear you unless you have this." He pulled out a megaphone. "YOUR FOOT!!!!! LOOOK DOWN DAMMIT!" The man in front of Hiashi temporarily lost his hearing for an inning.
He picked up the ball and tagged the foot sailing towards his base. The ball appeared and the Sand player wasn't on the base.
"YOU'RE OUT!" Shizune cried. The stands exploded and Sand hissed and booed.
"Good job, Neji!" Shikamaru yelled with a smirk as Neji tossed the ball back. "One more and I can finally sit down."
Indeed Shikamaru struck out the next opponent and was pleased to sit back in his dugout. He chanced a look at Temari…
"Is he looking now?" She asked her brother from the corner of her mouth?
Kankurou rolled his eyes. "Yeeees," He groaned.
She restrained an evil giggle and looked at Shikamaru. He instantly got the look of a deer in headlights. Speaking of headlights, Temari bent over and pretended to strain to see him in the bright sun. Bending over gave him a perfect look down her shirt.
She's so twisted! He thought. Like I don't know what she's got planned. She just wants me look at her boobs so I can't think well it's not going to work… … DAMMIT! All I think about is her boobs! DAMMIT DAMMIT DAMMIT!
"SHIKAMAAARUUU!" Ino yelled into his ear. "You're up to bat, stupid! Where's your head?"
"Down her shirt," he answered without thinking.
Realizing what he said he coughed and stood up. "Nothing, nothing."
I shouldn't care about her boobs. I DON'T care about her boobs. Stupid girls are troublesome…Yeah! I mean look at how much trouble she's causing me right now! He swung his bat a few times and frowned. That's right, Temari, give me everything you've got because I don't care.
Temari thought carefully. Poor Shika. Look at him. He's thinking pretty hard right now. I should be nice and play fair… … HAHAHAHA! Oh god, I'm a hoot. No, seriously, Temari you're going to make the boy's head explode. Which one? HAHAHAHA! I'm a bitch…Wheeeew…Okay, gotta make Shika go stupid.
Temari rolled the ball in her fingers sensuously…
Shikamaru swallowed hard. Oh…crap.
She rolled the cool skin of the ball against her chest and cleavage while she licked her lips. "Do you want it fast…or slow…Shi…ka…ma..ru?"
"…Just…" He brain went blank. "Throw the balls…BALL." He cursed his himself. "Slow…"
"Oooh, that's just how I like it…Do you want me to throw it…hard or …soft?"
……Hard. FUCK! Get your head in the game, Shikamaru!! "Soft, you harlot." He snapped. "Just throw it and stop trying to seduce me. It's not working."
"Okay, Shika-shika….Make sure you hit it right…up…the middle…" She pretended to snap at him and wound up.I'll hit it, all right… … …
"STRIKE ONE!" Ibiki shouted.DAMMIT! "Wait!" He looked back at Chouji. The chubby baseball player was holding up earplugs. "That's why he's my best friend. Chouji threw them at Shika who caught them and immediately put them in. "Now, Temari."
Blast it all! Hmm…More body language might be required. Temari frowned in thought.
She's going to try and be even more sexy. I should keep my I on the ball.
Temari tossed the ball in the air with one hand. She couldn't think of anything to do without getting tossed out of the game for unsportsmanlike conduct. She placed the ball between he legs and fiddled with her hair. She decided to play fair.
She tossed the ball to Shikamaru who stood there motionless.
"STRIKE TWO. Nara play the game or go back to the dug out."
The women of Konoha watched with disgust as Temari exposed herself to Shikamaru. "It's like she's rubbing her boobs in our face!" Sakura snapped.
"No," Ten-ten corrected. "She's trying to rub them in Shikamaru's face and that's why he's acting like a moron."
"Poor Shikamaru," Hinata said shaking her head. "He really likes Temari too."
"He likes her boobs, look at him gawking!" Sakura crossed her arms.
Ino was irate. "SHIKAMARU," she yelled. "Get your head out of the gutter and into the game."
Temari wasn't sure what happened but she was glad. She laughed and tossed the ball again. Shikamaru gave a feral yell and swung the bat, the force of his sexual frustration sent the ball sailing.
Baki almost choked on his nachos. "OH MAN! After two pitiful attempts, Nara knocks one out of the park."
"I don't know what happened," Genma commented, "But it paid off. Home run for Konoha!"
Shikamaru took his time running around the bases but before heading back to the dugout, he walked calmly over to Temari.
"Stuck up deer farmer."
"Admit it. You like it." She glared at him, daring him to deny it.
Shikamaru sighed. "… … I'll see you after the game."
"Should I wear the uniform?"
"… … … Yeah." He turned on his heel and walked back to the dugout. "Troublesome women."
Kankurou stood next to Gaara. "So… wanna break Shikamaru's legs after the game?"
Gaara thought for a second. "Sure. But I get first hits. I need to practice my swing."
"Cool. Aim for his crotch too."
"What do I look like- a moron? Of course, I'll hit him in the crotch." Gaara shook his head in disgust. His brother must have had a poor opinion of him as a little brother with an older sister.
Temari pitched a nearly perfect game with Neji and Sasuke scoring on her. When Kankurou mentioned that two boys figuratively scored on their sister, Gaara agreed to break their legs two, if not only for the reason that he needed to practice his swing.
After a few innings the score was 7-6 with Konoha in the lead. Tsunade called a short intermission where Baki and Genma played back the more interesting plays of the game and gave their analysis of how the game would be played for the rest of the game. By now, the commentator's box was full of junk food. Somehow a kiddie pool was brought in and Baki was giving his comments from the pool, a mojito in one hand and the mic in the other. Genma was searching the stands for hot girls and marking their positions on a piece of paper, occasionally calling Baki over for his opinion.
Gaara decided to take a walk around the stands to see how people celebrated a baseball game. More people greeted him that day than had in his entire life. The smell of popcorn, nachos, Japanese food, and beer filled the air. A group of Suna fans were sitting at pair of benches drinking like fish.
"There's our secret weapon," slurred a middle-aged man with wild looks. "He's gonna win this game for us."
"Yep! I've got 200 ryo riding on this game. We're down now but Konoha's running out of tricks," his friend assured. "Come on over and have a drink, Gaara-sama!"
Gaara raised an eyebrow. These drunk men were actually wanting to bond with him. They even went so far as to call him Gaara-sama, a sure sign of respect. He hesitated, unsure of whether or not he should join them but they adamantly continued to call his name and wave him over.
Not wanting to be rude, he walked over. A can of beer was immediately shoved into his hand and hard pat on his shoulder told him to drink up. Remembering what happened the last time he got drunk, Gaara only sipped it a little. It bubbled in his mouth, unlike the sake he had before. The men began to question him about the game; Gaara smiled a little and began to explain their plays for the next few innings.
Meanwhile, Sasuke was signing autographs and taking pictures with what seemed like everyone in Konoha. Neji was getting grilled by his uncle and Hanabi was bragging to her fellow students about what it was like to be the cousin to baseball pro. Neji didn't have the heart, or the chance, to tell them that the game was just a petty challenge between two villages and that they were far from the professionals. He did get the sneaking suspicion that Hiashi had more than his pride on the line for the game but kept his mouth shut. Shikamaru avoided everyone like the plague after his shameful behavior on the field. Also he saw Kankurou giving him an unusually murderous look and decided to lay low.
By the time the intermission was over, Gaara had made a small pyramid of his beer cans. The men around him were sloshed and barely intelligible. He decided to excuse himself. As he stood up he immediately felt dizzy. He barely had time to think, "Uh oh" before darkness surrounded him and he felt himself plunging towards the floor and a thick black darkness.
Kankurou saw his brother heading back to the dugout and jogged up next to him. "Hey Gaara, I saw Shikamaru but the little bastard ran before I could grab him. What have you been up to?"
Gaara whirled around and grinned. A familiar grin, Kankurou thought. Not like the murderous Shukaku grin he gave when he lost control but the "I'm going to be naughty grin" that Gaara gave him when he got drunk and lost control.
"Oh yes, big brother. Let's have some fun. I here chicks give it up easy to athletes." To punctuate his point, Gaara pinched the backside of the nearest girl and clicked his tongue at her. She was stunned. So was Kankurou.
"Temari's going to kill me…"
The next inning was uneventful, except for Gaara making suggestive motions with his bat when Hinata was about to pitch. Needless to say, her face turned red and she couldn't hardly pitch.
"Ball one!" Ibiki roared. Gaara winked at Hinata. She began to shake. He stuck out his tongue and licked the air. She dropped the ball. He cracked his fingers, took a few test swings. She pitched wild again. "Ball two!"
"Gaara's acting like a pervert," Naruto noted to Sasuke.
"They're a family of whores," he scoffed. "First, Kankurou, then Temari, not him. I don't know what's in the water in Suna but I'm not drinking it." Ino and Sakura both gave each other a look.
"If it's that water in Suna," Sakura started.
"I'll be back. I think Temari left her water bottle unguarded."
"Make sure it's full," Sakura warned. She didn't want to leave anything up to chance.
Hinata walked Gaara, the poor girl too traumatized to think straight. Gaara trotted to the base and began to peruse the stands for eligible girls to harass. His behavior did not go unnoticed to his family.
Temari tapped her hips. "Kankurou," she snapped. He yipped in fear. "What's wrong with Gaara?"
"I swear I had nothing to do with it and I don't know what happened." She nodded and continued to glare out at the field at him. Gaara was signing out his phone number to a group of girls.
"I think I better tell Tsunade about this," she hissed. "And if I find out," she began dangerously, "That you did have anything to do with this…"Kankurou whimpered. She didn't have to finish the threat.
"LIFT YOUR SHIRT!" Gaara yelled. "BOOBIES!" He gave the girls a thumbs up. They giggled and shook their heads no. "BUT BOOBIES! I'LL AUTOGRAPH THEM!" The girls looked at each other, considering the offer.
Baki and Genma had their head pressed against the commentator's box window. "It looks like Gaara is trying to incite some team spirit from some Suna girls!" Genma exclaimed.
"I don't know what's gotten into him…" He said calmly, though he had binoculars firmly to this eyes.
Gaara pulled out a marker and gave his sad tanuki face. This elicited an 'awwww' from the girls who immediately grabbed the bottoms of their shirts and were about to go wild when, THUNK! A ball hit Gaara in the head. He fell down in a heap.
The crowd gasped and Temari was on the field in a heartbeat. "Tsunade-sama!" The Fifth Hokage rushed over with Shizune on her heels. "He's been acting weird this whole inning and not this. I don't know what's wrong with him but I think-"
Tsunade pushed her aside and began to examine him. "Pupils seem fine. Breathing is regular. Heartbeat is steady…We should be able to continue the game!"
"Is that wise, Tsunade sama?" Shizune asked. "I mean it is Gaara after all, what if the Shukaku-"
"Shizune…the game is tied. I have more money and pride hanging on this game than is responsible-"
"Only a miracle or a great catastrophe will stop this game!" Tsunade snapped. Her eyes went wide. She looked down, Gaara seemed to still be unconscious but his hands were planted firmly on her breasts, squeezing gleefully.
"Sweet kami on a dumpling," Shizune stammered. "PEOPLE WE HAVE AN EMERGENCY!" She signaled to Genma in the box.
"It looks like Gaara's okay but…that's..the sign for- Oh no…We're sorry to inform," Genma began trying to gather his things to escape the box. "That the game is officially cancelled. If you value your lives, you'll run. Run fast and run now."
"What's going on?" Baki inquired covering his mic.
"That little pervert just groped Tsunade and we've got five seconds before she loses it. You think the Shukaku is bad!"
It was mass chaos as the jounin directed the flow of people outside the makeshift stadium and into the safe space around it. At first, everything seemed calm. The sky was still a magnificent blue and birds seemed to fly here and there carefree. Suddenly there was a cosmic boom that shook the ground and half the stadium collapsed in a pile of debris and smoke. People screamed but the jounin encouraged them to hold their ground in case Tsunade, the living earthquake, was done.
She was however. Dragging the truly unconscious Gaara behind her she dropped him at his sister's feet. "I hearby order Suna to keep booze away from that little brat at ALL costs. I swear… if he touched my breasts ONE MORE TIME!" She held up her finger for emphasis. "JUST ONCE!!! I'm going to punch him hard enough to send him into the afterlife!!" She panted angrily.
Gaara started to come to, his head throbbing. "Why do I feel like I just got hit by a mountain?"
"You did," Kankurou answered. "Mount 'I Touched the Hokage's Lady Berries'."
"I did what?!"
Jiraiya was immediately on the scene. "Boy, I want you to tell me everything. What was the texture, the smell!? Did they form to your hands or did they sag like a balloon full of rocks?"
"TRY HARDER!" A shadow fell over them both. Tsunade cracked her fingers and the crowd of people took an enormous step back, away from them. The next few seconds could only be described as doom. Gaara was thankfully spared the wrath but Jiraiya…He couldn't much research for a few months. As a matter of fact, he couldn't do much of anything for a few months.