What a Long Strange Trip it's Been

Warning: This is sorta-kinda a Kaiba-bash story. Technically it's not, since Kaiba's not the only person I'm messing with in it, but he does have a lot of jokes pulled on him and is greatly made fun of, so if you're a Kaiba fan, either don't read it, or if you do, please don't flame. We all have a charrah we don't greatly like, and Kaiba happens to be my scapegoat. That said, enjoy the fic. :smile:


One day during summer vacation, in a moment of weakness, Seto Kaiba agreed to take his little brother Mokuba and a friend to Tokyo Disneyland. Mokuba selected Serenity to come with him, and much to Kaiba's displeasure, Joey insisted he come too, as hell would reopen as an ice-skating rink before he'd let his sister go off someplace with the Kaibas by herself; even though she said she'd be fine, since her invisible friend Mike was coming along too. But, that was not good enough for Joey, and so he joined the group.

Kaiba was driving, having lost the coin toss to Joey, and was now hunched over the steering wheel, scowling and muttering, "Why me?", as Mokuba read aloud from their favourite road-trip book: Chain Letter II.

"Alison was on the main freeway toward her home when she deciphered the mystery the strange fellow had set before her. He had spoken of a place-"

"Don't you guys have any other books to read?" Kaiba finally demanded. "I had to put up with this book on the last road trip too. And this is like, the fifth time I've heard it today. And have you ever even read the first Chain Letter?"

They thought about it for a moment. "Nope, can't say we have."

Kaiba shook his head.

"What, are you trying to say we should read something else?" Joey asked. "Well sor-ry, but the Technical Manual on How to be Paranoid and in Denial had already been checked out of the library by a Mr. S. Kaiba." He paused. "Not that you need it."

Everyone, even Mokuba, burst into laugher as Kaiba scowled deeper and tightened his grip on the steering wheel.

"Aw, don't be so hard on him." Serenity spoke up. "We HAVE read this book an awful lot."

"But it's funny." Joey countered.

"And it has Purple Envelopes." Added Mokuba.

"And all the guys are handsome." Serenity agreed thoughtfully.

"And it has lots and lots of death and gore and blood and sex and evil and torture and demonic stuff and violence and death and-" Bakura stopped reciting as everyone in the van turned to stare at him. He blinked. "I mean, it's a good book." He finished quickly.

"Bakura, why are you here, anyway?" Joey asked. "It's a Saturday morning, I thought you and Yami'd be at home sleeping in."

Bakura had shown up as they were packing the van and had decided to come along too without bothering to ask first. He had his Uzi slung over his shoulder, was wearing army fatigues, and-for some strange reason-had a white plastic spork in the breast pocket of his jacket. The rest of them had not asked any questions either.

"I've never been to Tokyo Disneyland." Bakura replied.

"So why didn't Yami come with you?"

"He says he's too short to go on all the good rides." Bakura leaned back. "So he opted to stay home." Idly he studied his fingernails. "Did you know that even if you cut your hand off, that if you hold your arm above your head it will stop bleeding?"

"Okayyy…anyway-" Mokuba returned his attention to reading.

"There's a toll booth coming up, someone get me the money." Kaiba announced from the driver's seat.

"I'll get it." Mike offered, holding out the coins toward Kaiba.

Kaiba looked to his right to see the money seemingly floating in the air, because-after all-Mike was invisible. "What the…?"

Distracted by coins floating in the air, Kaiba forgot all about the toll booth and drove right on through it.

"Hey…weren't we supposed to stop?" Mokuba asked, looking out the back window. Sirens behind them announced the arrival of a police car.

Silently, Kaiba pulled off the road as Bakura nonchalantly pushed the fully-assembled Uzi under the seat with his foot. The officers, there were two of them, got out and walked up to the driver's window.

"Would you like to explain why you just sped through the toll booth back there and didn't pay?" One asked.

Kaiba pointed to his side. "Well, I got distracted because the money was floating in the air."

The two officers glanced at each other. "Floating money?" The other asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah, see, I asked someone to get out the toll money and it began floating." Kaiba replied.

"It's true." Serenity insisted. "Mike was being helpful and was going to hand the toll fee to Kaiba so he could pay it."

"And…who is Mike?" The first officer asked.

"Serenity's invisible friend." Mokuba pointed. "He's sitting right there in the passenger seat."

"I don't know why she brought him either, there's little enough room in here for all of us as it is." Joey grumbled. "I TOLD her that Mike ought to stay home."

"But he wanted to come!" Serenity replied. "And he doesn't take up any obvious room."

"Of course he's not obvious, he's INVISIBLE!"

By now the two police officers were glancing back and forth from the melee in the van to at each other.

"Look, alright, it's not my fault I forgot to stop." Kaiba finally argued.

"Oh, like someone forced your foot down on the gas?" Joey demanded.

"I was only trying to be helpful." Mike said quietly.

"We shouldn't fight, alien snails can sense times of stress and weakness and that's when they will launch their attacks." Mokuba informed.

The officers both took a step back at that.

"Alien snails…?" Everyone asked in a chorus, turning to look at him. Everyone except Bakura anyway, who appeared to have fallen asleep now.

"I was just kidding!" Mokuba defended. "It was something Bakura was talking about."

"I'm telling you, I can't be held responsible-" Kaiba kept trying.

"THE EVIL SPORK MADE HIM DO IT!" Bakura shouted, suddenly coming to life and brandishing the white plastic utensil from his pocket at arms' length.

Everyone in the van went silent.

It was at this point that the first officer patted Kaiba on the shoulder, and the second officer said to forget the whole thing, clearly he had been under stress and not stopping was a mistake anyone could make. They took off for their car, and were headed back up the road before Kaiba even had a chance to restart the van.


An hour later, they were still laughing hysterically about it.

"An evil…spork…" Serenity giggled.

"Did you get a good look at the officer's face when we were all talking about Mike?" Joey put in, snickering.

"And when Bakura shouted the thing about the spork?" Mokuba laughed.

"And when Mokuba was talking about the alien snails-"

"Okay, okay, it was all very funny." Kaiba snapped. "Now would someone please explain to me how you guys made those coins float?"

"No one did. Mike was holding them, we told you." Joey spoke up from where he was sitting in the back.

"Mike. Right. No, seriously, how'd you do it?"

"Seto, we're not kidding." Mokuba replied. "It was Mike."

"There is no such person as Mike." Kaiba stubbornly insisted.

"Yes there is, you heard him talking."

"Yeah, I'm talking right now." Mike said. "If I wasn't real, how could I be talking right now?"

"That's just one of you guys in the back throwing your voice." Kaiba replied, glowering. "Mike isn't real, you're just trying to mess with my head."

"You are so paranoid." Bakura commented.

"Oh, look who's talking, Mr. Evil-Spork-Holder."

"Don't you dare make fun of the Evil Sporks like that. The non-believers are always the first to go." Bakura muttered darkly.

"Go? Go where?" Serenity asked, curious.

"Wherever they take you." Bakura replied, suddenly sounding much more jovial. "The evil sporks are wielded by those alien snails Mokuba was talking about. Maybe they will stab you to death in your sleep, maybe take you prisoner to be tortured by the Evil-Spork-wielding snail army…maybe even to inflict their maddening powers upon you which will slowly engulf you in nightmares, devouring you in the fear of being stabbed to death by sporks…and then, you see, the snails will take over nuclear plants and blow the world up, so then you'll be dead."

"How do you know all this?" Joey wanted to know. "Not like there's actually a book about it or something…"

"Actually, yes there is." Bakura informed him. "It made the best-seller's list of books listing Safety Measures to Take in Case of an Attack on Earth by an Obscure Race of Aliens. Three years in a row in fact."

"Yeah, but you know, there can't be much competition." Joey mused.

"You're insane Bakura, you know that?" Kaiba asked.

"Yep!" Bakura replied cheerfully.

Everyone in the van edged away from Bakura as far as they could at this.

"Anyway…Mike's not real." Kaiba picked the conversation back up.

"Yes he is, he's Serenity's invisible friend." Mokuba told his brother.

"The Wheelers are both insane." Kaiba countered. "Of course they would make up some type of nonsense like this-"

"So I guess this isn't a good moment to tell you that Serenity and I are dating?" Mokuba asked, blinking.

SCREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEECH. The van came to a dead stop in the middle of the turnpike, throwing everyone into the person in front of them, and causing a massive six-car pile-up behind them.

"Yeah, definitely not a good moment." Serenity noted.

"Dude, check it out." Bakura was staring out the back window. "That car back there is now the approximate size of a toaster oven. That's what you get for tailgating!"

"What did you just say?" Kaiba and Joey demanded of their younger siblings.

"I said that Serenity and I were dating." Mokuba replied, glancing out the window toward the wreck behind them. "Though, maybe that wasn't the best timing."

Serenity nodded, peering out the window too. "Yeah, you probably shouldn't have mentioned that. Wow, look, that car really is the approximate size of a toaster oven now."

Kaiba and Joey were dead silent for a moment. So silent in fact, that Bakura finally picked up the Uzi and whacked both of them over the head with it, asking, "You guys alive in there?"

"Owch, yes, no thanks to you!" Joey muttered, rubbing his head.

"Mokuba…so that's where you've been sneaking off to every evening! I thought it was awfully strange that you were suddenly so interested in the library…" Seto muttered, looking sulky.

"Seto, I'm sorry I didn't tell you-"

"I'm sorry you DID." Kaiba hissed under his breath.

"-But I knew you'd overreact like this."

"Overreact? Me?"

"Yes, overreact, that thing you just did when you nearly got us in a crash." Bakura answered dryly, looking around and pointing at a sign. "Hey, look, the exit for Disney is only one mile away."

"How could you and Mokuba possibly be dating?" Joey asked his sister. "You KNOW how I feel about them!" 'Them', meaning the Kaibas, obviously.

"This is exactly why we were keeping it a secret." Serenity replied, looking upset.

"Isn't young love cute?" Mike asked. "So adorable…"

"No it is not and whoever is doing that, please stop!" Kaiba howled, banging his fist on the steering wheel.

"No one is doing anything." Bakura growled. "For the last time, Mr. President, that is Mike that you keep hearing talk. And I shall repeat myself. The exit for Disney is one mile away."

"There is no such person as Mike. And Mokuba, you are not going out with Serenity Wheeler. She's just as insane as her brother."

Mokuba scowled. "I'll go out with whomever I want!" he replied. "I like Serenity!"

Serenity grew misty-eyed. "Aw, Mokuba…you'd go against Seto's wishes just to be with me?"

"Of course I would." He replied, hugging her.

"Aw, that's so sweet!" she hugged him back.

By now Mike was sniffling. "Whaaaa…they're so cuuuuuuttteeee!"

"It is not cute, it's a nightmare, and whoever the hell is impersonating an invisible guy named Mike, please SHUT UP!" Seto clamped his hands over his ears and squeezed his eyes shut. "Why did I ever agree to this trip…why? Why? You guys are all out to get me!"

Joey, meanwhile, had fallen into silence at the sight of his sister being hugged by Mokuba.

Fed up with the whole ordeal, Bakura yanked Kaiba out of the driver's seat, tossed him into the back seat with Joey, and started the engine. "Look, I gave up a day I could have spent cuddling in bed with Yami to come on this trip and goddammit we are going to Disney, I don't care if Mokuba and Serenity are getting married. There are some very important things I must take care of today, and-"

"They're WHAT?" Joey suddenly sat bolt upright.

Bakura gave him a disturbed look over his shoulder. "Chill out, you're going to have a heart attack. I said IF they were getting married." On afterthought he turned to the two young teens and asked, "You're not getting married, right?"

"No. At least, not yet." Serenity replied.

"Well, that's-WAIT A MINUTE! Wha'dya mean, 'not yet'?" Joey yelped.

"Just buckle your seat belts and shut up." Bakura commanded, turning up the radio. He drove off down the road, leaving the six-car pile-up behind in the dust, Mike still in the passenger seat. Meanwhile, in the second row of seats, Serenity and Mokuba moved closer together and put their arms around each other. In the back row, Joey and Kaiba were sitting in a subdued silence.

"I can't believe my sister is dating a Kaiba." Joey muttered. "It's all too weird."

"I can't believe my brother is dating a Wheeler." Kaiba muttered at the same time. "It's like a nightmare of weirdness!"

"We need to go out for a drink." Mike consoled.

Kaiba threw a fit. "ARRGH! STOP THAT! Bakura, I know that's you throwing your voice. Stop it right-"

There was a loud bang up front and everyone flinched. The roof of the van now sported a hole made by the bullet from Bakura's Uzi as the evil spirit snapped, "No, Mr. President, that was me. Now SHUT UP. All of you! I can't hear the radio!"

No one spoke during the rest of the ride to Disney.


By the time they reached Tokyo Disneyland and had paid and gotten inside, things were a bit more civilized. At Serenity's request, Mike was keeping quiet as to not set off Kaiba. Kaiba was wandering around, still in a subdued sort of silence, but with a look of grudging acceptance. Joey had decided that Mokuba wasn't as bad as Seto, and that hanging out with Serenity would only help the younger Kaiba stay human, so he was no longer glowering at them.

Bakura, meanwhile, had had quite a time just trying to get in. The lady at the gate hadn't been keen on letting the Uzi-carrying young man inside at first, threatening to call the police. Bakura had protested against this treatment, demanding to know if they conducted all armymen this way. He confided to her that he was a member of the military, and was here chasing a possible terrorism suspect. As proof, he offered her a large handful of official-looking papers that no one in the group questioned the source of. He also gave her his sexiest smile and, while tossing his hair, insisted that a beautiful girl such as herself should be on TV, not issuing tickets, and isn't fate cruel?

It was at this point that she handed him his ticket, said she was always proud to support her country's armymen, and told him to have a very nice day.

So now they all stood inside the Disney grounds, getting more than a few odd looks because of Bakura's appearance, but on the plus side, no one was bothering them about anything.

"So you wore army fatigues just so you could get your Uzi in here?" Mike asked, forgetting he was supposed to be silent.

"Duh." Bakura patted the gun. "Boy is Yami going to be sorry he didn't want to come, this is going to be quite fun."

Mike raised an eyebrow. (Of course, no one could see him do so, but he did nonetheless.) "Speaking of Yami, won't he be ticked off if he finds out you were flirting with the ticket lady?"

Bakura shook his head, looking annoyed that Mike would even bring that up. "Of course not! How insecure do you think he is? And I wasn't flirting, I was using the subtle art of seduction. It works every time. Girls dig the silver hair." He smirked for a moment, then went on, "Yami will be jealous, of course, but not because of that. He'll be jealous that he wasn't here to share in the fun and watch my moment to shine!"

"And…exactly how is this going to be fun?"

Bakura cheerfully removed the spork from his pocket and brandished it in the direction of Mike's voice. "You'll see, my friend. You'll see."

"Seriously you guys, whoever is throwing their voice, stop it." Kaiba demanded. "It's not funny anymore."

"Stop worrying. Come on, let's go check out the rides!" Serenity and Mokuba ran off toward the nearest line, the others following along. Except Bakura.

"Bakura, don't you want to come on the ride?" Joey asked, looking over his shoulder.

Bakura shook his head, the spork still held out in front of him as if were some type of divining rod. "No, you go ahead."

"You'll be okay by yourself?" More like, will the rest of the public be okay if we leave you by yourself?

"Don'cha worry about a thing." Turning around, the white-haired spirit marched off into the crowd toward a destination only he was aware of.

Joey shrugged and ran to get back in line.

Kaiba might have had a few moments of relaxation, but not anymore as the crowd of people all gathered inside a round room to see a 3-D display of a simulated monster attack. During the show, with bright lights flashing repeatedly in various directions, he noticed someone's shadow fall over himself. Glancing to the side, he saw only an empty seat.

"Eh…"

"It's nice to see Mike's having a good time, isn't it?" Serenity asked Mokuba, pointing at the empty seat. Mokuba nodded.

"Really, and he's lucky, since he doesn't have to pay to get in to any of this."

"There's nobody there." Kaiba informed the two of them.

"Yes there is, that's Mike's seat."

"Mike isn't real!"

"Of course he is!"

"No way, that shadow is clearly part of the display. I know a 3-D image when I see one."

"Dude, it's Mike." Joey got involved with the conversation too.

"IT IS NOT MIKE! MIKE IS NOT REAL! HE IS JUST A MADE-UP PERSON! I SUPPOSE NEXT YOU'LL WANT ME TO BELIEVE BAKURA'S STORY ABOUT THE EVIL SPORKS!" Turning to the empty seat, he continued shouting: "YOU DO NOT EXIST, MIKE! YOU'RE NOT REAL! NOW STOP TALKING AND BEHAVE LIKE A PRETEND PERSON OUGHT TO!" Just then, the simulation ended and the room suddenly went silent. Everyone turned to stare quizzically at Kaiba, whom now fell silent as well, looking very disgruntled.

"Snick…snick…BWAHAHAHA, my god, that was awesome!" Joey fell out of his seat, laughing at Kaiba. "I wish I had a video camera."

Kaiba smacked himself upside the head.

"Man, Kaiba. We seriously do need to go out for a drink." Mike said beside him.

"Why me?" Kaiba groaned. "Why ME…?"


A few hours later they had gathered to eat lunch nearby a vendor. At this moment, Bakura reappeared. Much to their relief, he did not seem to be running from park guards, and it didn't look as though he'd been firing his gun. The spork was back in his pocket.

"Greetings, fellow comrades." He said, plopping down onto the bench and leaning back. "Isn't it a great day?"

They all gave him odd looks.

"Fine, be that way." Without warning, Bakura glanced at his watch and got to his feet, walking over to the vendor, and requesting something in a low voice. The vendor looked confused, but at the sight of Bakura's Uzi, he complied right away. Within a few minutes, Bakura walked back over with two large cylindrical containers of iodized salt.

"Want to have some lunch with your salt, Bakura?" Joey asked. Bakura gave him a dirty look.

"I'm saving our lives here, and you're making jokes? Honestly, and people say I'M crazy?"

"Saving our lives?" Mokuba asked.

"How?" Serenity wanted to know.

"And what exactly is salt supposed to do?" Kaiba demanded.

"All in good time, Mr. President." Bakura looked around. "Where's Mike?"

"I thought he was invisible." Kaiba said, voice laced in sarcasm.

Bakura offered him another dirty look. "Duh, I know he's invisible. If he wasn't invisible, I'd be able to see him! I just assumed he was with you guys. I'm going to need him."

"Yami's going to be jealous." Joey said offhandedly.

"Not need him in that sort of way!" Bakura growled. "You're such a pervert. In front of your younger sibling too, honestly. You're going to give her the wrong ideas. She has a boyfriend, now, you know."

Joey suddenly looked mortified. "Serenity, you didn't hear any of that."

"Whatever you say."

"No, not whatever I say! Don't listen to what I say! Well, listen to it most of the time, but don't listen to the sort of things I say that're like what I just said."

Serenity looked very puzzled.

"And here I thought you couldn't act any more idiotic than you already are." Kaiba said to Joey, smirking.

"I'm right here." Mike finally had a chance to speak up as Joey attempted to strangle Kaiba.

"Good, very good. I'm going to need you to do something for me, Mike."

"Is this going to be dangerous?"

"No, I won't be in any danger." Bakura replied quickly, standing up and looking at his watch again.

"Are you waiting for someone, Bakura?" Mokuba asked.

At that moment, four large, oddly-shaped, and spaceship-like aircraft plummeted out of the sky and landed in the middle of the park. All the people, thinking it was some type of show, stopped what they were doing and crowded around to see what was going on. The doors opened and large, five-foot tall snails crawled out of the ships. Because of their size, they were able to move quicker and cover more ground than ordinary snails, but it still took them about a good twenty minutes to make it all the way out. They also had small arms and were wielding large weapons that looked exactly like sporks.

"Yes, them." Bakura pointed. "They're ten minutes late."

"I don't believe this." Kaiba groaned.

The crowd of people then came to the realization that this was not a show and, as panicked people often do, began running in circles and screaming.

"Bakura…?" Joey asked.

Bakura looked over at them, and his eyes rested on Kaiba. "I told you Kaiba, the non-believers are always the first to go! You'd better start running."

"I'm not running from a bunch of holograms." He replied defiantly.

"That look like a hologram to you?" Joey pointed as one of the snails speared the vendor's stand with its spork weapon.

"Fine, animatronic robots then."

"Dude, those aren't robots." Mike informed him.

"Stop talking to me!" Kaiba howled, clamping his hands over his ears again. "Stop it, stop it, stop it! You're not real!"

Meanwhile, Mokuba had pushed Serenity behind him and declared that he would protect her, which caused Mike to lapse into another bout of sniffling and squealing, "THAT IS SOOOOO ADORABLE!"

During all this, the snails had stopped their advance and were now sitting there, looking about as puzzled as snails were capable of. Finally one, which seemed to be the leader, raised his spork weapon and announced, in perfect Japanese:

"Beware! This nuclear plant is ours! We shall take it over and blow it up and destroy the country, and you will not resist! Or we will destroy you first with our Evil Sporks, and THEN destroy your country!"

"Why me? Why ME?" Kaiba wailed, dropping to the ground. "Nothing makes sense anymore!"

"Those things can talk?" Serenity said in surprise.

"Those things can talk?" One of the snails whispered to another, pointing at the group of people.

"I hate monsters like this! This is just like those awful movies where everyone dies! God I hate ghosts and monsters and stuff like this…" Joey whimpered, hiding behind Mokuba and Serenity.

"This isn't a nuclear plant." Mike said.

The snails all looked around, wondering where that voice had come from. "Not a nuclear plant?" The leader asked.

"No. This is Tokyo Disneyland." Mike replied helpfully.

"So…this isn't a nuclear plant?" The leader repeated, as if having a hard time believing it.

"Nope."

"Goddammit, who screwed up in navigation NOW?" the leader snail demanded, turning around slowly to face his crew.

Because it took the leader snail some time to turn to face the others, Bakura had plenty of time to snatch Mike and delegate orders to him.

Eventually the leader snail got himself turned back around to facing the crowd. "Okay, since we screwed up, y'all are going to have to die." He announced.

"HHHEEEEEEEELLLPPPPP! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!" The crowd of tourists screamed and ran around in circles faster.

Meanwhile, TV helicopters had arrived at the scene and were zooming in on the action. Bakura noticed them and waved.

"Hi Yami!" he shouted. "Check it out, I'm on TV! Bet you're sorry you didn't want to come now, aren't you?"

(Back at Bakura and Yami's apartment)

Yami stared back at the TV as he opened a can of soda and plopped down on the couch, smiling.

"I'm glad to see you found a healthy way to use up energy." He replied to his partner on the screen, taking a drink.

(Back at Disney)

"They screwed up, so we have to die?" Joey muttered.

"Alien snails lack the ability to think reasonably." Bakura explained.

"Are you making this information up as you go along?" Kaiba asked.

Bakura shrugged.

"So, like we were saying, you all have to die." The snail leader interrupted. "Sorry about the inconvenience."

"I'm too young to die!" Joey cried.

"I'm not, but it sure would suck." Bakura agreed.

"Bakura, can't you shoot them or something?" Mokuba asked.

"You can't kill alien snails with Evil Sporks by shooting them!" Bakura admonished, looking annoyed. "Do you know nothing of Sci-Fi?"

"My army, attack!" The leader snail pointed forward and the army began advancing, slowly, toward the crowd of running and screaming tourists, whom stopped screaming so hysterically when they realized they could easily outrun the snails. So they all began running and screaming toward the exits, leaving only the small group of Yugioh characters to face the, slowly, advancing forces.

And then, suddenly, the snails began screaming too and falling over and writhing in what was likely pain, (but with snails you never really can tell).

"What just happened?" Joey asked.

Bakura pointed. The two cases of salt that he had procured earlier from the vendor were now floating around the snails, being sprinkled on all of their heads.

"Snails are basically slugs with shells." Bakura explained. "So salt will take care of the problem. You see, my spork here told me they'd be coming today, so I got the salt all ready. Because Mike was invisible, they didn't notice him sneak off. Now just think, if it hadn't been for me, you'd all be dead! And you were ridiculing my story…tsk."

"Thanks Bakura." Mokuba spoke up.

"No prob." Bakura waved his hand. "I've been expecting this for awhile."

"How the hell are you making those cans float like that?" Kaiba demanded. "There is no way that is Mike. It must be a trick." He began scouring the skies, looking for the ropes that must be tied to them.

The rest of the snail army, seeing their comrades being tortured by the salt, and turned and made a, (slow), retreat toward their ships. Within a half-hour or so, they were all the way back inside and taking off from the ground, back to whatever planet they came from.

"That, was the weirdest thing I have EVER seen." Serenity announced. Then she threw her arms around Mokuba. "You were so brave, protecting me!"

"Anything for you, Serenity."

"Awww…that's so SWEET!" Mike burst into tears, still holding the now-empty cans of salt.

"Are we safe yet?" Joey asked, uncovering his head.

Bakura's reaction to the whole ordeal was to stomp over to a crowd of Disney officials and inform them that unless they wanted something like this to happen again, they had ought to figure out a better plan of action for when Alien snails wielding Evil Sporks find themselves off course and decide to kill everyone, or else face the consequences. They agreed to do so right away.

Kaiba, meanwhile, got to his feet and surveyed the scene before him: piles of gooey slime that were once the snails but that had been disintegrated by the salt, his brother and Serenity hugging again, and two salt cans seemingly still floating in the air.

Just then, two new voices joined the crowd. One, a female voice, saying: "Mike, that was amazing!", and another male voice agreeing, "Mad awesome."

Kaiba looked around wildly. "Who is that?"

Serenity figured it out right away. "Craig! Cindy!"

"Who the hell are…"

"Craig is Mike's best friend." Joey explained. "Cindy is Craig's girlfriend. They're invisible too. Of course, Cindy used to be Mike's girlfriend, but they broke up. Mike is such a nice guy though, he and Craig remained friends. …Uh, Kaiba? You listening?"

Seto Kaiba had dropped back to the ground halfway through Joey's dialogue. Upon seeing the look on Kaiba's face that Joey's explanation had caused, Mike dropped the salt cans and asked, "I think we could all use that drink about now, huh?"

Kaiba finally nodded tiredly. "Oh yeah."


So, several hours later, they were all hanging out outside a Tokyo bar, (because Mokuba and Serenity were not allowed inside), recounting the adventures of the day. Kaiba, meanwhile, had gotten properly drunk and was pointing and laughing at the glasses being held by Mike, Craig, and Cindy, saying, "You're not real, and you guys aren't really there, but I don't give a damn! Hah-ha-hahahahaha…for a bunch of pretend people, you sure know how to party! Wooo, I'm so drunk! Hahahahah…"

"It's nice to see Kaiba in a good mood for once." Was Joey's remark to this.

All in all, they agreed that the day had been a great deal of fun and excitement. They had made it on the evening news as well, and Bakura had been so happy about it that he shot the Uzi off outside the bar. The rest of the group then called Yami to make an emergency drive up and keep an eye on him for fear that he might shoot again and get them all arrested, but they were not particularly reassured when Yami arrived. Instead of giving Bakura a scolding for shooting a hole in the overhang of the bar's roof, he studied the gap for a moment and then instead began lecturing the owners, "For Kami-sama's sake, it's not even that big of a hole. What's the big deal about it? Bakura could have so shot a bigger hole than this in your roof, he once shot one twice this size in our roof, and you didn't see me complaining about it!" The owners of the bar were not pleased by this observation, but they left the two of them alone seeing as that Bakura was still wielding the Uzi, and the owners of the bar had utmost respect for the firearm. So they agreed that the hole was of little importance, and left the group alone.

And anyway, Kaiba had begun trying to sing a song by an American artist, Janis Joplin, but had partially forgotten the words and was now exhibiting a made-up dance and humming, "Oh lord, won't you buy me…some type of car! My friends all drive…some other type of cars…I must make…uh…a lens…a fens?…Amends!" he finally finished, throwing his arms in the air triumphantly. Ice cubes flew from his empty glass and everyone had to cover their heads to avoid being hit.

So, as you see, they were all fairly distracted by this and had little time for worrying about the emotional stability of Bakura, Yami's reasoning and possible lack thereof, or the hole in the roof.

It was at this point that Mokuba and Serenity announced they'd had a really great time, and Serenity suggested they do it again soon. And Kaiba, who was-after all-drunk, and had not heard a word they said, began laughing again and shouting, "Yes! Yes we should!"


And this all explains why, a week later, he was back at the wheel of the van, scowling into the rearview mirror while Joey and Bakura and Yami, whom had been talked into coming this time, were all sitting in the back seat, (Joey was relaxing and Yami and Bakura were giggling to themselves about something that no one really wanted to ask about); Serenity and Mokuba were sitting in the middle seat holding hands, occasionally talking with Craig and Cindy, whom were sitting beside them, and debating the possibility of being attacked today by giant alien salamanders wielding salad tongs; and in the passenger's seat sat Mike.

Of course, Mike was invisible, so you couldn't actually see him in the seat. But everyone knew he was there because it was his turn to read, and he was holding the book, Chain Letter II, and reading aloud to everyone: "Alison was on the main freeway toward her home when she deciphered the mystery the strange fellow had set before her. He had spoken of a place…"

Kaiba shook his head, staring at the road before him, muttering, "Why me? Why ME…?"

MORAL OF THIS STORY.
Never, NEVER, say "yes" to anything while drunk.
Thank you.

The End!


Author's Notes:

Hahaaaa…happy belated birthday to you, Mom! Check it out, a copy of your gift, on the internet for everyone to see! My mom requested I write her this one-shot, and since I was all done with The Purpose of a Heart, I figured, what the heck! I put in lots of jokes that she and I made up on our own road trip we once made to Disney, ('cept we were going to Florida Disneyworld), so if some of the stuff seems random to you all…yeah, that's because only we understand it. Just go with it, okay? Mom, I hope you like your fic! xD Craig and Cindy showed up for this one!

Now, linear notes and credits:

Tokyo Disneyland: There IS a Tokyo Disneyland. I know this for a fact. What I don't know is if you can get to it by getting on a turnpike, (though I know there are turnpikes and toll booths in Japan too), but what the hell, it's a humour story, so just run with it.

Janis Joplin and Kaiba's song: The song Kaiba was trying to sing is Mercedes Benz, by Janis Joplin. Those aren't the right words, obviously. The first car Kaiba was trying to think of was a Mercedes Benz, and the second car was a Porsche. And he's not making "a lens" or "a fens", he's making "Amends". But he was drunk…so he's got an excuse.

Evil Sporks: I just thought that spork-wielding snails would be funny. But my friend Hezaa-kun is quite amused by sporks too. To be honest, who isn't?

Alien snails trying to take over nuclear plants: Long story behind it, but credit for the idea goes to an anonymous man's evaluation form from a psychologist's office. He said he wanted to make a sci-fi movie, that being the main sl. I just added some things to it. This was actually someone else's real idea, and he gets the credit for it, not me.

The 3-D ride they went on: It was a parody on the ride in Disneyworld, "Alien Encounter". That ride scares the hell out of me, (I've been on it twice), and it's basically like I described, except in the real one, it's a simulated alien attack. (Hence the name.) The characters here of course were not scared, seeing as how they've all dealt with virtual stuff before.

Chain Letter II: It's a real book, it's by Christopher Pike, and the lines they were reading are the opening lines of chapter Nine. Check it out one day, you'll see. Lots of sex and blood and gore. Good stuff, good stuff. xD My mind is soooo in the gutter.

Why Kaiba? Because, I don't like Kaiba, and I enjoy bugging him. That's my only reason. Well, and Mom requested I make him one of the main characters in this and mess with him.

Mike, Craig, and Cindy: Don't ask. You really don't want to know.

The thing about the salt: It's true that slugs will die if you pour salt on them. I, the insect-hating person I am, tried it once. I assume the same thing happens to snails. Even alien ones. It's rather interesting. They start disintegrating. If you're a sadist, try it sometime.

Title: There's a song with that line in it. "What a Long Strange Trip it's Been…" I thought it fit well.

"Mr. President": In the anime, this is Bakura's title for Kaiba. He's not using it as a title of respect, but instead uses it to tease Kaiba. So, I figured he'd still use it here as well.

"I'm so drunk!": I admit, I stole this line from the Gravitation dub. It was a very funny scene.

I think that's everything. I hope you enjoyed the insanity! Please leave me a review, but no flames, okie?

Much love everyone, and I'll see you around!
Fated-Shadows (Chey)