Disclaimer: Everything belongs to J.K. Rowling, not me.

Warnings: Slash, but silly rather than graphic. Still, don't read this if you don't like the idea of everyone at Hogwarts being gay.

Author's note: I am insane. What more can I say? This is dedicated to Feech (iHeartHSO), for inspiring me to write Harry Potter stories again. Go read her stuff, it's good!

Harry Potter Saves the Day (Again)

Chapter One

An Alarming Occurrence

Harry Potter woke up one morning to find that all was not as it should be. For one thing, Ron wasn't laying half on top of him, pinioning his limbs and snoring in his ear. In fact, it was probably the silence that woke Harry. He registered the fact that he could actually move without shoving Ron off of him, then wondered where Ron was, and how he had managed to get up without Harry noticing. Harry sat up, yawned, rubbed his eyes, and wondered blearily why everything was all fuzzy. Then he remembered that he wasn't wearing his glasses, so he grabbed them off the bedside table and put them on. Then he got up, and wandered over to Ron's bed, on the off-chance that he was actually sleeping in his own bed for once. He wasn't. Harry stepped across to Dean and Seamus' bed, trying to remember whose bed it had actually been originally. Anyway, they were both there now. He pulled open the curtains, to find that his friends were spooning facing away from him. He swore, and stomped around to the other side of the bed.

"Oi! Seamus, Dean, wake up!" he yelled, rather unkindly. The two boys sleepily opened their eyes and demanded what the hell was going on.

"I can't find Ron," Harry said, going into pathetic mode.

"And it's our job to look after your boyfriend for you?" Dean enquired.

"Well, have you seen him anywhere?"

"Yeah," Seamus grinned cheekily, "He stopped by for a threesome with us, but he left again. Said something about going to shag Professor Snape."

Harry's jaw dropped.

"Really?"

Seamus and Dean started laughing hysterically, and Harry realized that it was a joke.

"He probably went down to breakfast or something," said Dean reasonably.

"Oh. Okay, I'll go look. Um, sorry for waking you up."

When Harry had gone, Seamus commented,

"You know, for the saviour of the wizarding world, he really can be remarkably dense."

Ron was not in the Great Hall, nor had anyone there seen him that morning. Harry didn't know why he was getting so worried, but he was both possessive and paranoid, which probably had something to do with it. He went back to the dormitory, having had a brilliant idea. He pulled the Marauder's Map out of his trunk, and peered at the numerous small dots on it, searching for the one with Ron's name. When he found it, his blood ran cold. Ron appeared to be in a small room in a distant part of the castle, and with him in the room was…Lord Voldemort! As Harry read the name he gasped, green eyes going round behind his glasses. The sky outside darkened, and there was a flash of lightning and a roll of thunder. Then everything went back to normal as Harry stood up decisively, grabbing his wand.

"I must go save Ron!" he cried dramatically.

Seamus and Dean failed to notice this, being somewhat preoccupied. Harry ran out of the room, the map sill in his hand. He rushed along endless hallways, up and down twisting staircases (sometimes up and down the same one when he got confused) until he saw the dot marked 'Harry Potter' on the map, right outside the room where Ron and You-Know-Who were. The map fluttered out of his hand onto the floor, and he forgot, in his excitement, to wipe it clean. Harry held his wand out in front of him, gave his best 'I am Harry Potter, the bravest wizard in the world' look, then rushed at the door, banging it open. Then he stopped and stared.

To be continued!

Bwahahaha! I wrote a cliffhanger! If I were you, I'd really hate me. And then I would review me so I'd post the next chapter. )