Title: Just. . .Hold Me

Author: viol8dbyalizzard

Summary: John just. . .needs someone to hold him. Takes place after John read to Emily in the hospital. Can't remember which episode it was.

Pairing: John/Alex

Rating: PG13

Disclaimers: Not mine, never will be.

John sighed as he walked through the door. Emily still hadn't woken up. It was around 3:00 A.M. and he was drained. His wife of five years, ADA Alexandra Cabot, was still up, though, sitting on the couch with a bowl of strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, and whipped cream as she watch the last few minutes of her favorite horror movie. John flipped on the lights and Alex jumped nearly a foot in the air, screaming and almost dropping her fruit. John couldn't help himself. He laughed so hard he nearly choked. Alex growled, stomped over to him, and smacked him upside the head.

"Don't do that! You scared me half to death!" she exclaimed and John could've sworn he saw smoke coming out of her ears. He leaned forward and pecked her on the lips once he stopped laughing.

"All right, I'm sorry. Forgive me?" he said with his big puppy eyes look.

"Fine, I'm sorry I hit you," Alex replied and smiled, but it quickly faded when she saw the sadness, exhaustion, and worry in his eyes. "John, what's wrong?"

". . .I'll tell you about it in a minute. Let's get in bed first."

"Okay, Sweetheart." Alex stroked his cheek for a moment before leading him to their bedroom. Then they changed into their pajamas, slipped under the heavy comforter, and John immediately moved into Alex's arms. He draped one of his legs over hers, buried his face in her breast, and shuddered fiercely. This worried Alex more than anything and she carded her fingers through his salt-and-pepper hair. "John, what's going on? You're trembling."

It was then that she noticed that tears were running down her husbands face. He wasn't just trembling, he was sobbing. Albeit quietly, but sobbing nonetheless. Alex was completely lost, though.

"Honey, w--" she started, but then she heard John saying something.

". . .my fault. . .so sorry. . .should've done something." This was all she caught. Finally, she gently pushed him back, took his face between her hands, and looked him in the eyes.

"John, what was your fault? What are you talking about?" she asked. More tears welled up in his eyes and he laid his head back down on her chest, making a wet spot on her silk nightgown with his tears.

"This case. . .It just reminded me of a little girl that lived across the street from me when I was a kid. Whenever I saw her, she was all beat up and what not, but I never did anything to help her! Then her mother killed her when she threw her through a plate glass window! She d-didn't even c-care! I-I could've d-done something! But I didn't! I'm s-so sorry! I'm sorry!" John was getting hysterical. It was becoming hard for him to breathe because he was crying so hard. So, Alex held him and cooed and stroked him and did everything she could think of.

"John, that wasn't your fault. That woman was sick. You were just a kid, too, but you can help Emily. She's gonna need someone to care for her. I have this feeling she's going to wake up and see you sitting there, reading that Dr. Seuss book to her. That's how you can help that other little girl, John. Do this in her name," Alex told him and John's sobs quieted a bit, but he was still having trouble breathing. She put her hand on his chest and rubbed gently. "John, breathe. Deep breaths. Take it easy. Just calm down."

This calmed him considerably and he got everything under control. Finally, he just lay there in a daze against his wife until he fell asleep from exhaustion. Alex smiled at how childlike he looked with his eyes closed and tear-tracks on his face. Gently, disentangling herself from him, she went to the bathroom, got a rag and soaked it in warm water, got a dry one, and climbed back in bed so she could wash his face. Once she was finished, however, John began to twist and turn in his once-peaceful sleep. Washing his face was all for naught because he started to sweat and whimper.

"John, Sweetie, wake up. Wake up. It's just a dream. Wake up," she called and he shot up, breathing harshly once again, crying out as he did so. Alex put her hand on his shoulder and stroked it, but John's trembling body wouldn't stop. Then she gently tried to push him back down, but he turned his head to look at her with sad, empty eyes and shook his head. "Honey, lie down. It's okay. It was just a dream."

"No, Alex, please. Just. . .hold me," John said softly.

And hold him, she did.


FEEEEDBACK! And please NO FLAMES. Though, that's a RULE isn't it? Hope y'all liked it!