I don't own anything.

Competition Can Be Murder

-Chapter Sixteen: Bye, Bye

"That was fun," Shinji commented as he tugged the charging handle of his new assault rifle back a little to see if there was a round chambered. There was of course.

"Yeah," Rei agreed, "Such a sweet, inexperienced little thing." Shinji felt his eyebrow cock.

"I think your girl likes breaking virgins," Mana whispered.

"So do you," Shinji whispered back. "Where the hell is Mitch?"

"Probably with his ex," Mana stated.

"Probably," Shinji agreed. He yawned and glanced down an alleyway to see a massive crowd shuffling towards them. He raised his rifle and pulled the grenade launcher's trigger.

The explosion caught when the gas had finally mixed with the air just right and Shinji stared at the fireball. "Ooh."

"Please tell me that wasn't nuclear," Mana growled.

"Thermobaric," Shinji stated.

"The vacuum you jack ass!" Mana shrieked as she grabbed Rei and ducked behind a car.

"Huh?" The fireball contracted and started rising upwards in a mushroom cloud. "Shit!" Shinji shrieked as the vacuum tried to pull him in. He grabbed at a street sign until it finally died away. "Oh. That vacuum."

"Yeah," Mana growled, "that vacuum." Shinji glanced down at his rifle. "Maybe you should stop using. . ."

"I love this thing!"

"Oh Christ."

"Can I have one of those?" Both Shinji and Mana turned to stare at Rei. "What?"


"Hey Mitch!" Mitch glanced up and stared at his friend with his good eye. "Whoa. Found your ex again, eh?"

"Yeah," Mitch replied, touching the swelling around his left eye. "Have fun with the boss's god daughter?"

"Yup," Shinji replied. He glanced at the building behind Mitch. "The Geo-Front?"

"Yep," Mitch replied. "We can kill all the zombies as soon as we're done with the Elder God."

"Junior Elder God," Shinji corrected.

"Okay," Mitch replied.

"Won't everyone else get all the good kills?" Shinji asked. "That reminds me, why are there so few? Nobody likes Zach and Henrietta."

"The bachelor party's at Chuck E. Cheese's."

"Ah," Shinji replied. "I wish I could go." He punched the elevator call button. "Here we go."


George stared at his computer and frowned. The signal from Shinji's implants was coming from France. He picked up his phone. "Hello?"

"Why is Ikari's signal coming from France?" George demanded.

"We just found out that Ikari's signal was on the same frequency as the Eiffel Tower," the techie stated.

"Ah." George keyed the fire command. Then a big timer popped up on his computer. "What the hell?"

"There is a charge period between shots," the techie stated. "It will take several minutes for the batteries to recharge."

"God damn it!"


Shinji looked around and smiled. "What's up?" Mitch asked.

"Mister Black is pissed," Shinji stated.

"How can you tell?" Mitch asked.

"I can feel his pain," Shinji stated.

"What's it feel like?" Mitch asked curiously.

"Puppies," Shinji stated. He un-slung his duffel bag and pulled the PAD system out.

"Oh," Mitch stated brilliant. Shinji fiddled with the harnesses for a few minutes before figuring it out. "Not user friendly?"

"Doctor Wulf made it," Shinji stated. "Frigging S&M nut cases."

"How can you lift that?" Rei asked.

"He's Shinji," Mana replied. "That's the best answer you can hope for." The elevator binged and Shinji slid outside as the doors opened.


"What do you want to do?" Rei asked as she brandished her prog sword.

"Divide and conquer," Mitch stated. "Give the girl your rifle."

"Right." Shinji handed his new rifle to Mana and swung the PADS around. "I go this way."


Shinji leaned against the wall and keyed the door's switch. The door slid open and Shinji pivoted inside. "Hey bitch!"

"You!" the Junior Elder God declared.

"Me!" Shinji shrieked as he brought the PADS around. There was a flash of light and the Elder God's head exploded. "Uh," Shinji commented brightly. "What the hell?"


"I got the fucker!" George grinned. Suddenly Shinji's beacon began moving again. "What the fuck?" George snatched up the phone. "He's alive!"

"The LEO laser is accurate to within five meters," the man stated. "That's acceptable because the main target for that weapon is buildings."

"No!" George shouted. "It's not fair!" He slammed his hands down on the keyboard and frowned as the countdown numbers were replaced with a ten second timer in red. "Uh. What does a red timer mean?"

"You activated the self-destruct," the man stated. "Your boss is going to fire you." George's eyes narrowed as he thought of that smug bastard.

"How do you feel about being the new director of the Sony Enforcement Division?" George asked.

"What do I have to do sir?" the man asked.

"Nothing," George stated. "You'll be a puppet director and I'll run things from behind the scene."

"Sounds good," the man stated.

"Excellent," George stated. He reached into his desk and pulled out his unmarked, suppressed .45. "Where's the former director?"

"He's in a meeting," the man replied. George pulled out a ski mask.

"That's fine." Thus George's blood lust was temporarily forgotten and Shinji lived to fuck up another day.


Shinji scowled as he made his way down the escalators. The god was his kill! "Oh well."

"Hey man!" Shinji glanced up to see a group of guards at the bottom of the escalator. "No way, dude! We didn't think anyone else was alive."

'The hippies must die,' a voice whispered in Shinji's ear.

"Yep," Shinji agreed. He brought the PADS up and pulled the trigger. In half a heart bet fifty rounds had turned the guards into a large pile of bits. "Whoa." Shinji came to the bottom of the escalator and quickly skipped from dry spot to dry spot. "Now where's daddy?"


Gendo froze in mid-stride and looked around. Then he glanced down and wondered why he had suddenly pissed himself. "That can't be good."


A loud string of gunshots and an overpressure wave slammed into Mana and nearly knocked her on her ass. "Shinji?"

"Hello?" Mana watched as her toy stepped into the room.

"Where's the god?"

"He's dead," Shinji replied.

"Have fun?" Mana asked.

"I didn't do it," Shinji stated. "The heavens opened up and a beam of pure light smited the God."

"Too bad," Mana commented. "You were really looking forward to that one."

"Yup," Shinji replied. "Now where is the system?"

"Follow the wires," Mana replied. Shinji looked around and, apparently for the first time, noticed that there were wires dug into the walls, floor, and ceiling.

"Huh. Where did these come from?"

"The system is integrating itself," Mana explained.

"What if it's too far integrated?" Shinji asked. "Nuke it?"

"Nuke it," Mana replied.

"Gotta find my dad first," Shinji stated.

"Can't we just nuke him too?" Mana asked.

"Not personal enough," Shinji replied. "Some things just need to be done by hand."

"I like your attitude," Mana commented. "When we get out of here, why don't you show me what else you like to do by hand?" A grate fell from the ceiling and Shinji whipped around only to find himself aiming the PADS at Rei.


"I sensed that someone was about to have sex," Rei stated as she stood and brushed herself off. "I couldn't help but notice that I wasn't there."

"Where were you?" Mana asked.

"On the other side of the Geo-Front," Rei replied.

"Your girl's a freak," Mana whispered.

"So are you," Shinji commented.

"And so are you," Rei added as she slipped an arm around both of them. "Shall we find a deserted room?"

"Later," Shinji stated. "I want to find my dad."

"He's right down that hallway," Rei stated, pointing with one hand and fondling Mana with the other.

"Thanks," Shinji replied as he raised his 30mm and started down the hallway.


"Yes?" Shinji asked.

"Nothing," Mana replied dreamily. "Oh God!" Shinji glanced around the hall and frowned.

"Sixth door on your left, sixth on your right, and sixth down on your right again," Rei called after him.

"Good to go."


Shinji glanced at the door and slung the PADS over his shoulder. This was the door. He was sure, this time at least. He glanced at the 'take a number' sign beside the door with the number slip dangling from the pin of a grenade. Shinji tugged the slip and kicked the door open. "Third Child."

"Paps," Shinji replied as he stepped into the room and slammed the door. Behind him something exploded. Shinji glanced at the grenade pin in his hand and shrugged. The older man steepled his fingers and rested his chin on his thumbs. Shinji pulled his SCS-50 and grinned. Gendo managed to hold his indifferent expression for all of five seconds.

"Don't kill me!" the man wailed. Shinji felt and eyebrow cock upwards. He had been hoping the man would beg, but this was a little pathetic. "Please! I beg you!"

"Too bad," Shinji stated as he pulled the hammer back.

"Wait!" Gendo cried as he began to regain his composure. "Shinji, I. . .am your father." Shinji stared at the man for a moment.

"That's not true. . ."

"No!" The door burst open and a half-naked Mana ran in dragging a half-naked Rei. "You two cannot use that cliché! The Star Wars thing is way too overdone."

"You think so?" Shinji asked.

"I agree," Rei stated as she tugged her shirt down over her breasts and zipped her pants.

"Definitely," Mana replied. Shinji made a discreet gesture and she glanced down. "Oh." She pulled her blouse shut and buttoned it.

"Okay," Shinji stated. He holstered his pistol and swung the 30mm around. "Night, night." Shinji pulled the trigger.


"That was pretty," Shinji stated as he stepped out into the hallway. "30mm HESH."

"Hesh?" Mana asked. "That guys from Sealab 2021?"

"H-E-S-H," Shinji corrected. "High explosive squash head. The shell is filled with C4. On impact the C4 spreads out for a second and then explodes. These were custom rounds with a shell thin enough to spread on a human body."

"So that's why everything just kind of disappeared," Rei commented.

"Yep," Shinji replied. "The console is this way." He kicked open the door and stared at the large black box. "That's it?"

"I guess so," Rei replied. A burst of gunfire rang out and Shinji spun to see a strange looking person, a red-haired clown with a metal face mask and a machinegun.

"Uh," Shinji began brilliantly. The clown emptied the machinegun into the box and then flew off through the roof with a jet pack.

"I'm lost," Rei commented.

"Sega," Shinji stated. "I told you they were as weird as the rest of us."

"Asuka would have a heart attack if she knew people like that worked for Sega," Mana commented.

"I don't know," Shinji replied. The rack on that clown had looked familiar.


"Where the hell did you go?" Misato demanded as her former charge walked into the room.

"I had to powder my nose," Asuka replied as she brushed her hair meticulously.

"Long powder," Ritsuko commented. "Doing anything else in there?"

"No," Asuka replied quickly, maybe a little too quickly. Misato grinned and wrapped her arms around the younger woman.

"Ah poor Asuka. I think she's still scared of coming to another woman for some fun."

"Says the woman who just had started sleeping with woman a few days ago," Ritsuko commented dryly.


"So it's over?" Shinji asked as the three walked out of the Geo-Front.

"Yep," Mana replied. "The system wasn't full integrated yet."

"We're still going to nuke it, right?" Rei asked.

"Oh, yeah. Of course," Shinji replied. "So, what are we going to do now?"

"Get out of here," Mana replied.

"I meant, what are we going to do now that the mission is over?" Shinji asked.

"Huh," Mana replied. "I hadn't thought that far. I guess we're back to being enemies."

"I guess so," Shinji replied. "You're still coming to work for Sony, right Rei?"

"I don't see why not," Rei replied.

"Going back to Microsoft?" Shinji asked.

"I never left," Mana stated. "I don't suppose you'd want to work for us?"

"No chance in hell," Shinji stated. "What about you? You seem to like big guns way too much to work for Microsoft." Mana scratched chin as she considered this.

"I like the way that sounds." A VTOL landed in the middle of the strip and the three boarded.

"Everyone clear?"

"Yes sir," the pilot replied as the VTOL lifted off.

"Nuke it when we get to a safe distance," Shinji ordered as he shrugged off the PADS.

"Everything?" the pilot asked.

"Duh," Shinji replied. He sat in one of the passenger seats. "I'm going to take a nap."

"No you aren't," Rei stated.

"I'm not?" Shinji asked.

"No you aren't," Mana repeated.

"Then what am I going to do?" Shinji asked in utter confusion.

"Let's show him what he'll be doing," Rei suggested.

"Sounds like a plan," Mana replied.

"One second!"

"What?" Mana asked.

"Merry Christmas!"

"Who are you talking to?" Rei asked.

"No one," Shinji replied. "Now, where were we?"



-Author's notes. Well there it is. All done. What? You say I'm not done? What? What was that? You want some back story as to how Shinji became the way he is? Well, here's Mister Black.

"We brain washed him."

Thank you Mister Black. What? You say that's too simple? Comments, Mister Black?

"We also reprogrammed him after the first time he died. He didn't seem to mind. I just wish that I hadn't let that programmer turn him into an oversexed psycho instead of a normal psycho."

Thank you again Mister Black. Now can I get back to my monologue? Thank you.

This story really wasn't supposed to be anything more then stress relief. I never really had writer's block because I just put in whatever I felt should be in here without really worrying too much about anything. I'm kind of sad to see this one go, but there will definitely be another one like it. In the end, I decided to take this Shinji out as I brought him in, abruptly and with little explanation.

In truth I would have never stopped writing this one, even if it got no reviews. I just loved writing this. So, like the chapter says: "Bye, bye," and Merry Christmas.