No One Knows Themselves
Summery: (AU) Sora's family abuse him and everyone at school hates him. His best friend is Riku. What else can you ask for? Rated for suicide, and language. (Shonen Ai) RikuSora (CloudSquall) All characters are OOC.
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Ahh…Rewriting this feels good. After re-reading this I don't have much of a taste for it anymore but I made a commitment to writing it so the least I can do it fix it so it doesn't sound bad. Er, read bad. Whatever. At any rate, this is a joint fiction that I've been writing with my very slow at writing friend, Sakura. A commonly used name but nonetheless that's who she is. I'm Kaiku. You can refer to me however you want. Anyway, I have had the strongest urge ever to rewrite this for a few reasons. The main reason is because of the start of chapter five. I don't think I gave it any justice at all and it makes me said to think that I could do something so heartless without thinking about it. Ah well, that's why it's not set in stone. It can be fixed. So, I hope you all enjoy this as I go.
Oh one more thing. I can't really do anything about the Riku chapters, I didn't write them so as much as I would like to re-write those I can't, but all of the odd chapters, the "Sora" chapters I will be "fixing" so just hang tight. :) Maybe I can get Sakura to re-type those ones. Not like either of us have anything to do anyway.
"You think you know me? I don't even know myself."
Again I was kicked…fucking Ansem…he calls himself my brother but the he hits me all the time, and not in a playful way. He hits me in the way that someone you hate would hit you. Even when my parents are around he beats me. In fact, they encourage it like I did something to deserve it. My family sucks … I wish I could just die… that sounds like a plan…but then…it's not like they'll just let me die. No, they want me to suffer until I bite my tongue or something of the sort.
My name is Aoi Sora… I'm sixteen and my only true friend is Riku. He's seventeen so he's a year a head of me in school, but I've known him for a long time. I don't remember how we met too well, but I do know that he's stopped me from killing myself. Just with him around I have a very faint glimmer of hope that one day this will all be over. But it's starting to have a less impact on me not; I guess it's because it's been going on for so long.
I fell roughly to the floor after I had stood up again to face my brother. He'd kicked me in the shin and punched my face causing pain to flood from my nose to my mind and then something warm spilled onto my hand. My nose was now bleeding and it looked like it was bleeding pretty badly. When I looked up at Ansem I glared knives at him hoping that the look would kill him right then and there. Of course that didn't work and I received another swift kick to my chest," Don't you dare look at me like that you little ingrate." Ansem growled before he turned toward the door. "Good night."
I didn't say anything; I'd be hit, scratch that, I'd be hit either way. Well, I'd have new make-up for Riku to see in the morning. I smirked to myself as I thought about how he'd react. He wanted me to tell the cops, but if I left Riku, Ansem would begin to pick on him. Not only that, but then Riku would be unable to stop me from cutting my wrists.
I've done it a lot now. My teachers don't know because I'm normally wearing long sleeves, a sweater, or sweatbands on my arms. Riku is the only one that knows anything about my self injury, because he's the only one I trust enough to tell. I'm sure if anyone else knew about how I was being treated they'd do the same at some point or another.
Damn Ansem, I hate him so much I could kill him. Kill him. I could laugh at the thought. I curled into a ball holding my nose hoping that maybe I would bleed to death in my sleep, and with that as my last 'comforting' thought I fell into an uneasy sleep.
The morning came faster then I had expected it to. After Ansem-nii had kicked the living shit out of me I felt as if I had been jumped by five people and not just one. That would most likely be because I just sit there and take the abuse I was given.
I slowly got up form my spot on the floor, every bone in my back cracking as I moved to a standing position. It didn't hurt though; I was used to it, used to sleeping on the floor. I had a bed, I used to I used to sleep in it a lot when I was a kid but after a while, my mother came in the room when I was sleeping, and hit me over and over again shouting that," Animals are not allowed to sleep on the bed!"
That same day I went to Riku's house sporting bruises and cuts. He told me I shouldn't go home but I did anyway. I had hoped my mother was just feeling weird or something. After that I got the shit beat out of me by my father.
I don't know what I did to deserve this, but it must have been bad. Maybe being born. My life is just one big spiral of melancholy anguish. I don't get it though. When I was younger I thought everything was normal. Movies, and birthdays, and all of that stuff a family does together; we did that stuff with smiles and everything, but one day it all just fell apart.
I walked into the bathroom and washed my face in the sink. I went to the laundry and dried my face then grabbed a new shirt and pants. I changed in the large hallway closet and then stepped out. It was beginning to become light outside as the son rose on the house. I sighed before I quickly ate a piece of plain bread and drank some water, anything more then that I'd get in trouble for.
I then grabbed my backpack, the bag I got from Riku at the start of the school year. It wasn't anything astonishing, just a plain red pack, but when I got home and Ansem saw it he tried to take it form me, now that's just about the only time I'll do something about him taking my things. If Riku gave it to me it's mine and its staying mine, and if I catch you touching it without my approval I'll kick your ass now matter who you are or how big you may be. Ansem saw this quickly so the only thing he respects about me is the stuff Riku gives me. He respects my things more then he respects me.
I made my way to the front door quietly before I opened it to the huge lawn. You see I don't live in poverty or some middle class kind of thing if that's what you thought. Actually, its quiet the opposite, we are one of the richest families in the whole Inner Isles. It's slightly amusing that when my family has a big party they force me to look nice and do what normal humans do. I know when something is coming up because they won't hit me for a few days and they let me take a shower; brush my hair; eat properly; and then at the actual even they tell me to do my least favorite thing, be social. I hate being around people.
I'd met him one not long after I kind of ran away from home, when they just started to hit me. I think if I remember correctly I was six and he was seven…it was raining and…I'm not going to go into detail…doesn't concern you anyway.
I walked down the street toward Riku's place just as the light reached over the hill side and shone onto the streets. You see I get up in the morning and do all that crap so my family knows I got ready for school or that I was still alive. Then, I go to Ri's and clean up more effectively. Like taking a shower, brushing my teeth, normal things to take care of your hygiene. His mother is also nice enough to treat me to a real breakfast. Ri's family is more of a family then mine has been in a really long time.
As I walked down the long paved street toward the less high end houses I could see a few older people walking around weather by themselves or with pets. Or I might see someone that goes to my school going early for a club or something. I never really noticed before that the world seemed so empty at this time.
I came up on Riku's house about twenty minutes after I left that house. Ri's home wasn't as extravagate as theirs but it was more home then I had ever felt anything else to be. I walked up the steps slowly before knocking on the door, I heard an "I'll get it" then the door swung open and standing before me was an older teen with long silver hair. This guy had ocean green eyes and was the nicest person I've ever met. He seems more like my brother then Ansem had ever been to me, ever.
"Sora-chan! Good morning! How are you today?" Sephiroth, Riku's brother, said as he let me inside.
"G'morning, I'm fine, thanks." I mumble in response," Is Ri up yet?"
"Ah, no, he was up late studying last night." Sephiroth said with a concerned face," You want me to go get him or do you want to do it?"
"I'll get him, thanks." I said as I left the older teen and climbed the stairs to Riku's room. Riku normally was up already because I would always come over in the mornings. Anytime he was still sleeping when I got there he felt guilty about it later on.
Oh well, wondering about the name thing yet? Well, I have two things I call him; Ri, and Riku; but Riku and his family have a number of things they call me, I'll list them off for you: Sora-chan, Sou-kun, kohai, Sora-ko, Sou, and my favorite, Rara-chan. God knows how they came up with some of these names. I think that every night they all sit around a table and think of new things to call me.
I push open the door to Ri's room to find him sleeping like a log. His clothes are stung out all over, his computer desk covered with books, paper, notebooks, and other miscellaneous crap. Then there's Riku sprawled out on his bed like a kid still wearing jeans and a tee-shirt. He must have been up a long time last night studying. I don't know why he tries so much when he's just a second year. I think Sephiroth said something about Riku wanting to get into a good law school for some reason or another.
I walked over to him at a slow pace making a lot of noise, kicking clothing articles around and growling loudly from the pieces that got stuck on my foot. I was going to wake him up if he didn't wake up from the sound anyways. Why waste time?
When I got to his bed he was still out like a broken light blub. I looked at him with an annoyed, dumb look, before rolling my eyes. Typical Ri, with his shoulder length, silver hair spilled all over his pillow, and the now risen sun was casting a pale gold on his pasty skin. He never really goes out side. He's afraid to be attacked by violent fan girls. Kai Riku is the most popular person in school, even among the sensei.
"Ri!" I said loudly shaking his shoulder roughly.
"Just a little while longer mom…" he mumbled in his sleep then turned over facing the wall.
"Damnit…Riku wake up!" I shouted, but this time he didn't say anything instead he turned and wrapped his arms around my waist pulling me into the bed with him. Is it okay to say this has happened so many times before that it doesn't surprise me anymore?
You see I know a big secret about our sliver haired king of popularity. He's got a big crush on a guy, and not just any guy…me. I've known for a long time, but I don't let on that I do, because I don't care; never have probably never will.
"Mmm…" Riku said hugging me closer; I just sat there with a board look plastering my face. 'Stupid, Riku! You know what? I'm just gonna play along.' I thought as I turned and hugged him back putting my face in his chest. 'And this will make Riku scream.'
He started to stir as the sun crept in more fully now. I really buried my face when I remembered Riku's "special" alarm. Then a little bell could be heard from the side for his room, followed by overhead curtains being flung open; spilling in an unnatural amount of light on the bad causing heat and irritation from the brightness. I heard Riku moan as an arm left my waist to pull up the blanket covering our heads.
His hand returned to my side and sat there, it didn't wrap around me again," Sora…I didn't know you were like that."
"Only for you." I played. 'Damn I was really hoping he'd freak out.'
He let go of me but I didn't let go. I've only done this on three other occasions. Each was when Ansem did an unbelievably horrid job of pounding my face in.
I could feel the look; I didn't need to meet his eyes I knew what expression he had, pity and sorrow," Sora…let me see." He knew he always did.
"No." I said I really didn't want him so see me this time. I haven't told you what my face looked like have I? Well, both of my eyes are black, my lip is fat and has a cut on it, my arm has a deep cut and if my chest was visible you'd see huge black and violet marks were I think I have broken ribs…no actually…know I have them. Ansem was wearing his steel-toed boots when he started to hit and kick me and he shoved me into a wall where there was a sharp stop so that's what cut my arm. Sure, Sephiroth saw me but not clearly, he needs glasses badly but wears contacts for appearance.
"Sora…" Riku said, I hugged him closer," Please…let me take a look at you."
"I won't go to a hospital." I told him, I had broken ribs I knew it and if I went to a hospital they ask how I'd gotten them and then I'd have to tell them. I don't want to leave the Islands. I don't want to leave Riku and the rest of the Kai family.
"Mom will deal with anything broken…she's been trying to become a better doctor so she can care for you…so who was it this time?" Riku asked.
"Ansem." I said. There was only one person I'd really call brother and that was Sephiroth. Why? He was more of a brother to me then anyone. It's pretty sad when they need to ask who did it. I came here when my father did a number on me, my mother is the only one who hasn't beaten me to a pulp, I think it's because she lacks not only the willpower but the strength.
"Please…Sora I can't help if you don't let me see." he pleaded. I slowly let go, as he put either of his hands on my shoulder and helped me to sit up," Good god…" he was scared he got a good look at the marks and cuts," Sora… what else did he do?" I looked away with guilt before I pulled up my shirt showing him my massive bruises," Sora…" he sounded horrified. His eyes became sad as he slowly moved to touch them. He had just barely brushed my skin when a jolt of pain shot through me body causing me to cringe which in turn cause him to pull back. "I'm sorry… come on…mom will take care of you."
When we got down stairs I could smell good food and hear Sephiroth talking to Ri's mom. I prefer to call this my family more then the one I live with," Mom…" Riku said as he walked in with me kind of hiding behind him," Could you look at Sora…Ansem-sempai hurt him…again." he said as he glanced back at me. When she looked at me her face began to pale so quickly I thought she was going to drop dead of fright.
"Sora-chan." She said breathlessly as she walked over to me. She had dark brown hair with honey highlights, here eyes were a soft green and her entire appearance was of a nice and loving person. Sephiroth now had his contacts in and now stared at me as if something important to him had just been broken.
"Sora-chan!" he almost shouted," Why didn't you tell me?" he stood up quickly and walked over to me. About this point I always start to feel like a burden or some kind of bother because I get all of these people worrying about me.
"I….I…" I couldn't say it, I couldn't say because I didn't feel like it but I forced it out," I didn't want you to see me first."
"Riku go get your father and tell him to bring bandages and antibiotics." Mom said kneeling down with a wet cloth and wiping my face a bit. "Oh dear…"
"He looks like he may have some broken ribs." Riku said before leaving.
Mom looked up at my eyes then asked me to take off my shirt. I did but slowly, it hurt to raise my arms above my head. When I let my shirt fall to the floor Sephiroth's eyes flashed with anger before he said quickly," I'm going to school." He started to head toward the door with a determinedly fast pace.
"Stop right there!" Mom shouted. "I know what you're going to do when you go to school. You're going to pick another fight with Ansem! Sit!"
"Yes…mother." The sliver haired older teen muttered before he sat down still looking livid. Last time Ansem did hurt me this badly, Sephiroth went to school and started a huge fight with him. A lot of people got involved taking either Sephiroth's side or Ansem's. I guess the final result was a good number of people were suspended for a few days, and all because of me, how stupid.
"What is it dear?" dad asked coming in," Riku said that Sora was here and that you told him to…" he looked at me. I felt ashamed that the only man that I'd really call father was looking at me with so much misery. "The boys are staying home." I understoond why both of them would have to stay home; Riku would start a fight too and another massive number people would get suspended.
Now Dad was another story, he had silver hair just like Riku and Sephiroth, but it was cut short with messy short layers. His eyes were a blue-green; he was a good looking man. He needed to look good. He was a model after all. I was kind of surprised he looked so healthy. His job was the main cause of his good looks despite everything he was going through. I guess I'd sometimes keep the man up for days on end worrying about me and how I was being treated.
"I know," Mom said, "Sora…" I looked at her with knowing eyes. She was going to say something I didn't want to hear, something she says a lot. "We have to tell someone…this has gotten worse and worse over the past few years and I don't think it's fair to yourself that your making your body go though all the pain…"
"Please…" I said hoarsely," Please, I don't want to hear it."
"Sora-chan…" Dad said," Please…if we tell someone you can go to a better home… somewhere you'll be loved."
"No!" I snapped closing my eyes tightly. "I don't want to leave! I don't…"
"Sora-chan…" Mom said," I'm begging you!" she started to cry. "Please…let us tell the police…" her voice dropped to a whisper.
The family here is a little on the weird side, they won't tell anyone anything unless they're given some kind of permission. Without permission they won't say a thing to anyone. It's like some kind of moral code that all of them follow.
I looked at Riku for some kind of comfort, but when he met my eyes he looked to the floor. His face looked pained, as if I needed anyone else here either angry or upset. I felt a burning in my chest as my eyes watered up. I haven't cried in a long time but for some reason this feels more painful to me then all of the kicks, punches, and hurtful words that that family has thrown at me over the last few years.
"Mother…" Sephiroth said as if he had just had an epiphany. "What if…what if we take Sora in? We can more the afford it and we have enough space. Why don't we do that? It'll be saving Sora in a way that he would still be happy." Sephiroth made perfect sense, why no one thought of this until now could confuse anyone but he's right. I would be happy to the point of normalcy if I could just stay here with them. Forever.
Riku looked at Sephiroth the same way I was stunned beyond words. There was a long quiet among the people in the room before a smile broke out on Riku, Mom, and Dad's faces.
"Sephiroth…" Mom said with more joy in her voice then I had heard in a long time.
"Perfect idea son!" Dad said whooped as he balled his fist and pulled back as if he had just done something right.
"What?" I said loudly as I looked around.
"Sephiroth's right…Sora…the only reason you don't want anyone to know is because you're afraid of leaving Riku correct?" Dad asked as he put his hands on his waist.
"Ye…Yeah…" I said looking at him a faint blush on my face.
"Then if you live with us, you'll be closer to Riku and safe from your own family." Dad said. "We don't have to always worry that you'll get killed staying there and we'll be more then happy to take you in. I already think of you as a son."
"D…Dad." I stuttered as my face showed that I was becoming happier.
"Really dad?" Riku asked with a tone that said he was making sure he wasn't dreaming.
My mind was in a scramble. I looked to the floor as I thought about what I was hearing 'Me live with Riku, and his family? I can get away form mine this way…' I looked Dad in the eye and nodded.
"Alright!" Sephiroth whooped," I'd hug you but…" he indicated my ribs.
"Honey," Dad said," Fix up Sora and we'll head to the police."
"Alright." Mom nodded to her husband before she grinned at me before he began to administer treatment.
I was getting away…
This is the first time in a long time that I'd ever been so happy.
If only…. it would have lasted…
Haah. Now this is MUCH, MUCH, MUCH, better. I really should do this with more of it but meh. It is a lot better now though, trust me on that one. Anyway, review, read, blarg.
Yoi ichinichi o.