Title: Envy
Author: Northlight
email: temporaryblue (at) yahoo.ca
Fandom: Chrno Crusade
Summary: It must have been wonderful, to have Rosette as an older sister.
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Chrno Crusade and all related characters are not mine.
Date: June 25, 2005.
Note: Based on the anime (which I've only seen up to volume 5). My apologies for any mischaracterization.

Azmaria tried to be a good girl: kind, and generous, and worthy of love. She tried to be good, and tried not to envy others for what she did not have: friends, and family, and people who loved her, now and always. She was happy for those children who were given love, freely and openly--she was happy, so happy it hurt, hurt so deeply that Azmaria wept with the power of it all.

Azmaria met Rosette and Chrono, and she learned what it really was to be happy, to be wanted, and loved, and part of something greater than herself (greater even than the power she held). Azmaria had everything she had ever thought to dream of--had more than she'd ever dared to hope for, in Rosette and Chrono, and she was happy, so happy, and--

Rosette said that Azmaria didn't have to be perfect. She said that Azmaria was young, and human, and was heartily encouraged to pout, or cry, or laugh as the situation demanded. Azmaria wasn't perfect, and had a lifetime of being left behind to enforce her certainty that she wasn't even passable at being normal.

She wasn't perfect, but Azmaria wanted to be good, and she was certain that a good girl wouldn't envy Joshua Christopher. Azmaria had a piece of Rosette's heart now, but she thought that it would have been glorious to have had the other girl as a big sister. Azmaria couldn't imagine being lonely, or hurt, or frightened with Rosette there to look out for her.

Azmaria didn't know the whole story, and didn't know Joshua, but she did know this: he chose power over Rosette. Maybe she wasn't been fair, wasn't being nice, but Azmaria would never have left Rosette. Rosette thought that Azmaria was strong, and brave, but Rosette was the one who showed Azmaria what strength and bravery truly meant.

Hardly anyone had cared enough about Azmaria to be kind to her. They'd feared her power, and hated her, and Rosette still loved her brother with desperate devotion despite time, and distance, and the chaos all around them. It made Azmaria's eyes burn, and her heart ache, and she sniffled into Rosette's side as the older girl wrapped her arms around Azmaria's shoulders.

It wasn't nice, and it wasn't the sort of thing that a good girl would feel. She loved Rosette, and wanted Rosette to be happy, but. . . finding Joshua would change things. Rosette would have her little brother back, and she wouldn't need a sister anymore.

Azmaria couldn't be a good girl.

Azmaria couldn't stop herself from envying Joshua Christopher.