This story was entered in the Sycophant Hex: Spring Faire Festival under the General Story: I Want to Kiss the Bride.

The criteria is below:

Summary: Hermione is about to get married when a certain Potions master realizes she should marry him instead. He has forty-eight hours to stop the wedding and get her to marry him.

1. Severus Snape is to be portrayed by Severus Snape. He does not have really silky hair. His nose is hooked, not aquiline. In other words, keep the Snape as close to canon as possible, in both appearance, and characterization.
2. Snape does not kill the other canon male involved (i.e. potential groom).
3. Snape does not snatch Hermione away from the wedding or some other such rubbish.
4. Snape is not to be turned into any of the following:
- Mr. Darcy
- A fluffy bunny
- A sap

1. Hermione's potential groom may be any other canon character.
2. Any characters can be enlisted to help Severus in his endeavor.
3. Genre up to the author. The story can be comedy, angst, drama, or any other combination the writer chooses.
4. Hermione does not have to end up marrying Snape.
5. All standard SH rules and submission policies apply.

Disclaimer: I wish these characters were mine, but alas, all credit goes to the great JK Rowling.

Chapter 1

Severus sat in his usual chair at the Head Table, idly picking at his morning meal. The rest of the teachers sitting in the hall were all chatting away in their usual fervor. Noisy biddies! Severus thought. His attention was drawn upwards with the arrival of the Post Owls. He paid the ordinary brown owl, which had landed before him, the usual Knut, withdrew his copy of the Daily Prophet, and the owl departed. Unrolling the newspaper, Severus idly scanned the headlines.

Former Minister Fudge, Finally Caught!

"It is about damn well bloody time!" he muttered under his breath.

Lovegoods Prove the Existence of the Crumple-Horned Snorkack!

Severus rolled his eyes in disgust.

War Heroes to Wed This Weekend!

"Bloody piece of rubbish," Severus mumbled, as he folded the paper and stuffed it into the pocket of his teaching robes. He rose from his seat and swept out of the Great Hall, never noticing that several sets of eyes were upon him.

Severus had no interest in the whereabouts or goings on of any of his former fellow Order members. He had been grateful when the Dark Lord had fallen and the last of the Death Eaters had been rounded up so that he could be rid of the meddlesome groups' company. None of them, save Albus, were what he would call a friend. He certainly did not care if any of them had foolishly found love and decided to marry.

Unless…no! he thought. He decided to firmly push the flickering thought out of his mind.

Severus made his way down to his office in the dungeons and began preparing himself for his first round of dunderheads of the morning, as a dull headache slowly began creeping upon him.


The morning passed in a blur of annoying disruptions, spilt potion ingredients, and one melted cauldron. Severus had spent much of his midday meal cleaning up the messes created by his students. He was now sitting behind his desk, resting his elbows on the hard surface, and massaging his temples. The headache that had started early that morning was refusing to relinquish its tightening grip despite the two vials of Headache Potion he had consumed at separate intervals that morning.

"Good afternoon, Severus," said the grandfatherly voice which broke Snape from his all too brief respite.

"To what do I owe this pleasure, Albus," he responded whilst lifting his head to meet the older wizard's eyes.

"I just came down to inform you that Minerva and I will be leaving for the weekend." Albus paused to discern if there was a flicker of understanding in the younger man's eyes. "We are leaving tonight," he continued, "thus, you will be in charge of the school until we return." "We have an event to attend on Sunday, and we thought that we would like to take a little holiday beforehand." The elder wizard paused with an amused smile. "That is, of course, unless you have plans, Severus."

"No, Albus, I don't have any plans." Severus thought on this for a moment and then spoke again as a small glimmer of understanding crossed his face. "This must be about the wedding announced in the paper this morning—between two war heroes as I understand it?"

The old man smiled. "Yes, it is indeed. You saw the article in the Daily Prophet then? Splendid."

Professor Snape brushed away Dumbledore's comments with the wave of his hand and a scowl. "No, thankfully, I had the foresight to spare myself such drivel. I merely glanced at the headlines and saw nothing worth my time to read."

"Indeed," replied Albus simply. He flashed another bright smile at Severus and said, "Well, Minerva and I will be leaving at around six o'clock this evening." He turned to leave. "Enjoy your weekend, Severus. Oh, and do try to leave some House points for the rest of the school in their hourglasses whilst Minerva and I are away."

The old man had piqued his curiosity. That had been, of course, Dumbledore's intent. Once he was certain that the older man had left the room, he reached into his teaching robes and retrieved his copy of the Daily Prophet and found the article.

War Heroes to Wed This Weekend!

This time he glanced at the picture of the happy couple. "What the bloody hell does she think that she is doing?" he fumed. He read the contents of the article as a deepening scowl grew with each passing word.

Mr. Ronald B. Weasley to wed fellow war hero and former Hogwarts classmate, Ms. Hermione J. Granger-Snape, at the groom's parents' estate (Severus could not help but to snort at the word 'estate'. How can they call that hovel an estate?) this coming Sunday. Many long-time Daily Prophet readers will recognize Ms. Granger-Snape from the many articles that this paper has published about this Muggle-born witch from London. Ms. Granger-Snape, formerly married to the Hogwarts Potions Master, Severus Snape, most recently made headlines with her divorce due to the renouncing of the former Muggle-born/Pureblood Marriage Act that was enacted in January 1998.

As a reporter, it's my duty to keep readers aware of the goings on. It was also I that informed the Wizarding public that the young harlot had previously been caught toying with the affections of several different men at the same time during her fourth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. At the time, the former Ms. Granger had been seeing both Viktor Krum, Seeker for the Bulgarian Quidditch team, and Harry Potter, the Boy Who Lived to defeat You-Know-Who. It would appear that witches do not change their warts, as she has only just left the bed of the aforementioned Hogwarts professor six weeks ago and is now climbing back into bed with one of the key players during the war. One can only hope that the unsuspecting Mr. Weasley realizes the true nature of such a woman before they wed on Sunday.

"Bloody fucking hell!" Severus shouted as he slammed a balled up fist on his desk.

Severus reached into his desk, grabbing fresh parchment and quill. Quickly jotting a note, he sealed it, and he snapped his fingers to summon a house-elf.

"Take this to Headmaster Dumbledore immediately," he snarled.

The house-elf was gone as swiftly as it had arrived with a resounding Crack!

Severus wished there was something that he could do about the mess straightaway. However, he still had one more class of idiots to teach for the afternoon. Gritting his teeth and stealing his nerves, the professor readied himself for his sixth year Advanced Potions class scheduled to begin in five minutes.


At 3:15 that same afternoon, Severus was seated in the headmaster's office in his usual wing backed chair. He was staring at the old man sitting across from him intently.

"Why was I not informed of this, Albus?" he finally asked after several minutes of intense silence.

"Whatever do you mean, Severus?" queried the headmaster with a small smile.

It took every ounce of Professor Snape's will to keep his anger curtailed. Through gritted teeth he hissed, "I mean, why was I not informed of Hermione's upcoming nuptials."

The old man studied his young colleague carefully. "I was not aware that it would concern you, Severus. It is not as if we were keeping secrets from you. "

"Not concern me, Albus? What makes you think that having my wife getting married would not concern me?" Snape growled, completely unaware of Dumbledore's amused look.

"The last time that I checked, Severus, Hermione was no longer your wife. I seem to remember you being quite adamant that no one remind you—what were your exact words? Oh yes—of that awful bloody charade." Tenting his long fingers and leaning forward across the desk that sat between them, the old wizard asked, "What has changed your mind?"

"I have not changed my mind, Albus!" replied Snape with a growl as he rose from his chair and began pacing the office. "I merely do not like the idea of my sham of a marriage being thrown in my face in such a public manner! The annoying little chit is purposefully embarrassing me!" Severus stopped in front of the headmaster's desk, leant forward, and continued in a low hiss, "This is her petty way of getting back at me for insisting that the divorce be done immediately."

Severus snapped upright and began pacing the room again like a caged predator.

"Oh, surely you do not think that this is some plot to make the public think less of you, my boy?"

"Don't I? What better way for her to demonstrate how much she loathes me than by marrying the Weasley brat before the ink on the divorce decree is dry?" Severus ranted. Severus forced himself to calm down. He stopped in front of the mantle and narrowed his eyes intently at the fire before he spoke again. "You do realize that by wedding the bloody Potter tagalong so quickly that she is practically screaming to the Wizarding world that she was unfaithful during our marriage and that she could not get away from me fast enough?"

Dumbledore could not hold in a chuckle at the younger man's irrational thoughts. "You know very well that because of the Fidelity Charm that had been in place prevented either of you from being unfaithful, Severus. Not to mention that the entire Wizarding community is very aware as to the nature of your marriage to Hermione, and they never thought that it was anything more than a forced marriage for political reasons and obvious protection."

Severus glared at the old headmaster. "There is more to faithfulness than sex, Albus." Dumbledore raised his eyes in curiosity. The younger man continued, "She has obviously been planning to do this for some time."

"I doubt that you even believe that, Severus." Dumbledore sighed and began examining his fingers intently. "I do not know what led to Mr. Weasley and Ms. Snape's decision for marriage. I suggest that if you are concerned, then you speak with one of them."

"Believe me, I shall," muttered Professor Snape. Forming his resolve, he walked back to the headmaster's desk. "I will not be able to cover for you and Minerva this weekend, Headmaster," he stated firmly.

"Ah, I see. Well, I will inform Minerva. She will be disappointed, of course." Dumbledore looked carefully at his young friend. "Is there any way that I can be of help to you?"

"No." Walking towards the exit, Severus paused with his hand on the doorknob and muttered a quick, "thank you" as he left the room.

He did not hear Dumbledore quietly respond, "Good luck, my boy."