I do not own the Legend of Zelda, any of the characters, or even a lot of the dialogue! All belongs to Nintendo and Miyamoto-sama.
Masks, Migraines, and MPD
This is a semi-sequel to two of my earlier fics, "Time Travel, Drag Kings, and Why I Hate Hormones," and "Heroes, Cross-Dressing, and Why I Hate Hormones." Those two were Ocarina of Time retellings, this is a Majora's Mask retelling, but in the same style and referring back occasionally to those two. Now, I originally planned to leave the "Why I Hate Hormones" tag on this one, but Link is like ten or eleven in this. He doesn't have hormones. So I made the title alliterative. Whoo! And don't worry, it'll make more sense later.
Oh, and this story does assume you've played the game, but if you haven't... Meh, it still makes some sense.
Anyway, now I turn it over to Link!
1. In the Beginning...
"In the land of Hyrule, there echoes a legend. A legend held dearly by the Royal Family that tells of a boy... A boy who, after battling evil and saving Hyrule, crept away from that land that had made him a legend... Done with the battles he once waged across time, he embarked on a journey. A secret and personal journey... A journey in search of a beloved and invaluable friend... A friend with whom he parted ways...When he finally fulfilled his heroic destiny and took his place among legends..."
"Huh?" I said. Zelda and I were sitting on my porch, and she had said that out of nowhere.
"Sorry," Zelda smiled. "I was...inspired."
"To recite a legend?"
"Your legend." She smiled and leaned toward me.
"Me!" I exclaimed. "I have a legend?"
"Well duh," she rolled her eyes. "Saving the world, Hero of Time, all that jazz."
"But nobody remembers that. I'm glad no one remembers that. And besides, that had nothing to do with a 'beloved and invaluable friend.'"
"No, but your friend the Skull Kid is missing. And you're going to look for him aren't you?"
I nodded. "But that's not a legend. Or a 'secret and personal journey.'"
"It sounded good," she sniffed. "And this totally sounds like the beginning of an adventure."
"Well, at least no one remembers the last adventure, right?"
She said nothing.
"Ah, but you forget." She raised a finger significantly. "You and I are not the only ones sensitive to, you know, stuff."
"Like the whole Ganon thing."
"So...wait. Other people remember it?"
"Unlikely. But they probably have had dreams. And people who are sensitive to, you know..."
"Are also often artistic. Creative. Writers."
"Ah hell." I slumped forward. "So you think someone wrote a story about me? Us? That whole thing?"
"It's very possible." She looked at me. "Oh come on, cheer up. At least you weren't cross-dressing through most of the thing."
"But...I don't want to be famous..."
"You think I do?"
"Speaking of which..." I looked back at her. "Don't you have to be getting back to the castle?"
"Technically," she smiled disarmingly, "I shouldn't have left."
I groaned. "Are they going to accuse me of kidnapping you? Again?"
"No! Probably not anyway..." She scratched her head. "I'm pretty sure Impa knows you're my friend. She does like you, you know."
"Which is why she glares at me all the time."
"Oh, she's just worried about my maidenhead."
"You know what I mean."
"You might be eleven by now."
"What does that have to do with anything!"
"Nothing," she smiled again. "I just wanted to change the subject."
I sighed and put my arm around her. "You're a nut Zel."
"You know you love it."
"Yeah...Yeah, I do."
Zelda did, in fact, get in a whole lot of trouble for running off with me. So much trouble, that the next time I saw her, she said we should just give up on trying to see each other for a while.
"You know I don't want to do this..."
"I know." It hurt just the same.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
"I'll come to see you just as soon as I can."
"Here." She dug something out of her pocket and haded it to me. "Take this."
I stared at it. "But...this is the Ocarina of Time."
"Yeah." Zel closed my hands around it. "It's not like I'm going to use it for anything, and history has proven it's safer with you."
"Besides," she smiled. "You can give it back to me some day."
"Okay," I smiled back. "I will."
I just wish I'd know how long away "some day" was...
"I'll be back soon Saria," I said. "I just want to find that Skull Kid."
"He's been missing for months Link," she said. "You'll never find him."
"I have to try! He ran away 'cause he thought he didn't have any friends, but I'm his friend and I have to find him."
Saria shook her head. "So you're going to wander the countryside looking for a Skull Kid."
"Link, that's the worst idea you've had since 'bring the Princess for a visit.'"
"Hey, that was her idea!"
"Well, whatever. Have fun on your wild goose chase." She turned and started to go.
"Wait, Saria." I grabbed her and hugged her from behind. "Don't think that just because I have Zelda and am going looking for Skull Kid I've forgotten you."
Saria put her hands over mine. "I know. Sorry I snapped."
"'S'all right." I let her go. "See you in a while, okay?"
Stupid hindsight. Remembering all this is making me want to hit something.
After a couple of days and no luck finding Skull Kid, I decided to stop by the Lon Lon Ranch. I had nothing better to do. Seriously.
Malon was happy to see me; of course, that girl's always happy, but she also wanted to show off.
"Epona's gotten so big!" she squealed. "And you should see how fast she can go! She's so obedient and she-"
"Can I borrow her?"
"Can I borrow her?" I said it slowly this time.
"Aw, why not?"
"Because," she smiled and handed me the reins. "Why borrow her when you can have her?"
"Malon!" I fought the urge to hug her. "You mean that!"
"Sure. I mean, I love her, but you love her too. And I know she loves you. So take her."
"You're the best Malon!" I hugged Epona's neck instead of her. "This means a lot."
"Yeah, well..." she shuffled her feet nervously. "Link, can I ask you something?"
"Well...see...there's this story that's been going around. About, um, a hero...named Link."
I felt my eye twitch involuntarily. "Uh, how weird."
"Yeah... They say he traveled through time and saved Hyrule, and after it was all over no one remembered it."
"If no one remembered it, how come there's a story?"
Malon blinked. "I didn't think of that. How weird."
"See? When you examine these things too closely they just fall apart."
"Yeah, I guess you're right... Cool story though."
"If you like that sort of thing."
"Oh I do," Malon sighed happily. "Heroes and princesses, and sometimes ordinary girls who turn out to be princesses."
"You want to be a princess Malon?" I laughed.
"Sure, doesn't every girl?"
"I know one who doesn't," I said, thoughtfully.
"Really?" She seemed shocked at the very idea. "Who?"
"Just this girl." I put my hand in my pocket and touched the Ocarina of Time.
"Do I know her?"
I tried to think of how to answer that. "You know of her."
"That girl who's like your sister?"
I winced at the thought. "No."
For no real reason, I decided to tell her the truth. "Princess Zelda."
"What!" She gaped at me. "You know Princess Zelda!"
"I love Princess Zelda," I corrected.
She stared at me. "You...what?"
"I am in love with Princess Zelda," I said carefully.
Malon's eyes were huge with shock. "You're...serious?"
"How old are you?"
I shrugged. "Ten or eleven."
"You're not sure?"
"Well you're...ten or eleven years old...and you think you're in love!"
"I know I am." I smiled and shrugged again. "You wouldn't understand. Me and Zel, we went through a lot. And we're so...right for each other. We just...click. Mesh. Perfectly."
"You sound pathetic," Malon snapped.
"Sorry." I looked at her. "What's your problem anyway?"
"You. You're like a lovesick puppy," she snorted. "Ridiculous."
"Well it's not my fault."
"Isn't it?" She glared at me. "Heroes always fall for princesses."
I gulped. "Wh-what are you talking about?"
"It was just a story!"
"Then how did you meet Princess Zelda?"
I opened my mouth to answer, then realized I had nothing to say. "Uh..."
"Look, I'm not going to take Epona back...but I'm upset you didn't tell me."
"I haven't told anyone." I realized what I'd said. "I mean, uh, there's nothing to tell."
"Right." She started back toward the stable. "See you later Link."
"Yeah...later..." I looked at Epona. She looked back. I sighed. "Come on girl," I said. "Let's get going."