A/N: If writing style appears to be slightly off, I was on a lot of meds. However Sushi thought it was decent enough to be beta read. grins
Well really the whole idea was simply inappropriate, perhaps that was the lure of it. The lure that dragged him into this situation in the first place. After all, Ed had broken so many rules in his life, what would a few more be?
Apparently, it was too much. Perhaps, if Ed had actually been thinking instead of diving head first he might had said no.
Roy had given Ed plenty of time to say no. To angrily ask him to leave and rant and rave at him.
Ed did neither.
It had surprised him at first, when Ed didn't scream, push or try to move away. Roy had almost suspected that Ed would had displayed some sort of rejection.
It never came. The way the younger state alchemist was acting, one might think he had actually wanted it.
The whole idea was ridiculous in Roy's mind. At least, until he glanced at Ed's face.
Edward needed him. The idea itself was completely foreign. So was Edward kissing him. Perhaps, Roy didn't know Ed quite as well as he thought he did. Then again, when did he really know Edward Elric?
Did anyone really know and understand the FullMetal alchemist?
Roy had never thought Ed to be like this. It was almost surreal. Ed spent half his time ranting, that he didn't need anyone. Yet, Ed was here just as Roy was.
Ed never asked. Roy learned that after the first couple of times they did this. Roy couldn't really call it an relationship because it wasn't. It wasn't set in stone and definitely wasn't public. However, it wasn't meaningless. Roy knew it was much more than a fling. So much more.
To put it simply, it was an arrangement. An arrangement that meant so much to him.
Edward was a puzzle. A puzzle that seemed impossible to solve. A complex puzzle that when you started to put together you constantly worried that you would lose a piece. And if you did, it would be the middle piece. The most important piece. The piece that made the puzzle complete.
Was he the middle piece? The piece that would make the Fullmetal alchemist complete.
Edward shifted slightly in his sleep, mumbling nonsense under his breath Roy knew all this from watching. He had been watching for so long it seemed natural. Roy wish it wasn't natural. For something to be natural meant that it was all right to the person. It shouldn't be. Not now. Not ever.
Edward kept coming back. Roy didn't once stop him. The thought had filtered through his mind several times, to stop it before it became routine.
Somewhere along the line, Edward had made himself a place in Roy's life. So quickly and swiftly that Roy never noticed.
It was too late. Too late to push Fullmetal away. He couldn't do it. Not now. Not ever.
Perhaps, Fullmetal knew. The way the younger alchemist grinned. Almost as if he knew all about Roy's turmoil. Furthermore, the blond seemed to find it amusing that Roy didn't want to take advantage of him. It was almost as if Ed knew that Roy wouldn't be able to hold up the resolve.
Ed knew what strings to pull.
Roy found himself oddly uncomfortable with the idea
Ed wanted more. That much was obvious. However, Roy hesitated.
Ed was young. Not the youngest, but still young.
Roy had wanted to say no but found he couldn't. Ed had him obeying all his whims.
And really, who was he to say no to Edward Elric.
He vaguely recalled the act of sin he committed. The tangled of limbs on the bed, the glory of the crescendo at the end. The end that was filled with reaching completeness.
Any thoughts of how that was wrong and how he shouldn't be doing that was wrong were blotted out. Everything but the act seemed to not be important any more. Almost as if everything paled in comparison.
Like an obsession.
If Roy had believed in some sort of divinity figure, he would had begged it to give him the strength to overcome it.
He didn't, so he suffered on. At times, Roy wondered if Ed knew? Knew that Roy was having moral issues. Then again, would Ed had cared?
It was the second time in Roy's life where he had wished for death. Thinking that if he died, he could escape it. Escape whatever bonds that had him chained to Edward.
Roy knew he couldn't do it alone, he didn't have the strength.
He was guilty. Ed was barely legal. Didn't that make Roy some kind of monster? Did he just steal something that could never be returned.
It was a resounding, yes. Some things didn't use equivalent trade. This, was unfortunately, one of them.