Just a few love stories, continuing along the "Bart Simpson's Vampires" universe. Just a little story, starting with a few days before Bart and Jessica's wedding, ending with Lisa and Brian's. I own no characters, except Frs. O'Flaherty and Malloy, and Brian.

A little history: Yes, I know, I didn't finish "Mr. Burns Has Risen From the Grave". I'll tell you how it goes. Maggie and Eric get kidnapped. The group finds Burns' lair, but it is abandoned when they arrive. It turns out that the traitor was Ned Flanders, who betrayed them because Burns had used technology stolen from Frink's laboratory to create a replicant of Maude, that he convinced Flanders was the real thing returned from the grave. Ned is shot by Fat Tony's henchmen. The group chases Burns to Dracula's castle in Transylvania, where, after a great battle in the courtyard, Burns is killed by Homer, Marge, and Bart, and the children are saved. Back in Springfield, Brian resigns his post as professor, and is replaced by Father Sean (from the episode "The Father, The Son, and…"). With Bart, Lisa, Jessica, Mac, and the band from the Maison Derriere, they form a band, and get Danny Elfman and 'Weird Al' to help them get a record deal. With two established performers helping them, and their album receiving plenty of airtime thanks to Bart and Jessica, they become a sensation. And now, the next year, in late May, they are having their last concert before Bart and Jessica get married.

Chapter One: A Concert

The roaring of the crowd blended with the buzzing in Jessica's ears. She felt the hands-free mic in her hanging loosely. She reached up and made sure it was in right. The glaring lights made her eyes water. She looked at Bart, sweaty and exhausted in the early-summer heat. He strummed his guitar a few times, just to use some of the energy he had built up in the last song. She saw Brian talking with Lisa. Inexplicably, they started kissing. The crowd cheered. He pulled away, pointing at her, smiling goofily. He walked over the microphone.

"Whew! Oh yeah!"

The crowd surged with noise.

"Now, we promised somethin' special for you tonight, as this is Bart and Jessica's last concert for the year. THEY'RE GETTING' MARRIED! WOOO!"

Bart ran over to where Jessica stood and grabbed her hand, raising it up. The cheering intensified. Bart lowered their hands and tried to kiss Jessica, who caught him and slapped him. They all laughed. Bart took his microphone and addressed the crowd.

"A couple'a friends stopped by to wish us their best. They'll be at the wedding next week, of course, but, as it's a private affair, we thought it best that they get to say 'hi' t'yall. So, here's one of the coolest badass rockers in the whole bloody world, Alice Cooper!"

The crowd exploded as the aged rock star walked out onto the stage. He had long been looking well past his age, with wrinkled, leathery skin and bleary eyes, and acting it, as years of living the lifestyle had thoroughly addled his brains. But there he was, Alice Cooper. Michael Burke started a medium-tempo beat while Bart blared the opening chords of 'School's Out'. Cooper took a bow. He shook all their hands, and gave his congratulations to Bart and Jessica. He took a mic and gave a shrill screech that set the crowd roaring.

"Yeah. Its great to be here. Bart, Jessica, looking great. Brian. Lisa. Mac, Burke, everybody. The face of rock an' roll today. Amazing. By the way, any jazz fans out there?"

Silence. Utter silence. One lonely hand was raised.


The single jazz fan was brutally beaten and then hoisted over the chain-link fence around the meadow.

"Shit. Well, I guess it's a bad time to mention Lisa and Brian's new album then?" He slurred looking to Bart. With a nod, Mac began. Bart joined, then Burke.

"I used to be such a sweet, sweet thing 'till they,

got a hold of me…

I opened doors for little old ladies, I helped the blind to see.

I got no friends 'cause they read the papers,

They can't be see…with me.

An' I'm getting' real shot-down and I'm…getting mean!"

They went out of their minds cheering. At the end of the song, it was all Kearney, Jimbo, and Nelson could do to keep the screeching fans off the stage. As soon as the song stopped, the launched right into 'Stephen'.

"Whew," Cooper said, wiping the sweat from his brow, "It is hot out here."

"Speaking of hotness," Bart piped in, " I would like to dedicate this next number to my gorgeous fiancée Jessica. And, to help us sing it, in addition to our 'steemed guest Al, we have two friends. One you may know for his work writing the soundtracks for…well, everything Tim Burton has made. The other, you may be one of your 'Idol's. Please, scream, go nuts and pull of your shirts for Danny Elfman-"

The composer/singer ran out onto the stage. He gave a fancy bow to the audience, then pulled Bart, Jessica, and Alice, who was standing close by, into a smothering hug. Cooper's arms flailed about as he struggled to break free.

"Woo! Hello Capitol City!"

"And," Jessica said, finishing for Bart, "Billy Idol!"

The rocker was already halfway across the stage. He went straight to the front, and proceeded to further agitate the crowd, sneering and punching into the air. After nearly two minutes of standing there and showboating, he was interrupted by Alice Cooper, who was accidentally punched. Elfman rushed over and made sure no one was hurt and that no rock feuds would result, and then they all took their places at the mics.

"Yeah! Its great to be here in Sacrame…….Capital…City…yeah," Idol said, squinting to read the prompter.

"Bart picked out a little song he thought Jessica would really like, and I tried to talk him out of it, as it seemed only trouble would result. But Bart's a stubborn bastard, and so, after clearing its use with Elton John, and promising to donate some money to-what was it again?" Elfman announced.

"I think it was his…his, uh, AIDS foundation. Yeah."

"Anyway, after getting all the legal crap cleared, here it is."

Brian squeaked a note on his guitar.

"This song is for Jessica No-Longer-Lovejoy: the craziest music bitch I've accidentally puked on!" Billy yelled.

Burke gave the cue, clacking his drumsticks. Brian started with an amplified banjo. Jessica recognized the opening immediately.

"Oh no. You didn't…"

"I did, baby," Bart replied smugly. He was clocked across the face.

Idol started:

"I was justified, when I was five,

Raisin' Cain I spit in your eye!

Times 'ave changed, an' now the pork is fat,

But the fever's gonna catch you when the bitch gets back!"


Alice continued:

"If it on a Friday, that's alright.

Evil lights take on Saturday night,

The bitch, the bet with the social dues,

I get high in the even'n' with a box of glue!"

Alice took out what appeared to be a box of airplane glue (in reality, it was ointment) and sniffed.


He stepped away from the mic, and Jessica took his place, joining in on the chorus. Billy Idol sang as well, pumping his fist.

"I'm a bitch! I'm bitch! Yeah the bitch is back!

Stone-cold sober, as a matter of fact.

I can bitch! I can bitch

Cause I'm better than you!

It's the way that groove, the thing that I do!"


Lisa took her saxophone and blared away.

"I'm entertained by picking brains,

Sell my soul by dropping nines,

I've cut my nose,

Good God what's that!"

Elfman came in:

"Oh, its from the nasty habits when the bitch gets back!"


The three guest singers did a repeat of the chorus together.

Lisa started again on her sax. She walked, playing, to the front of the stage, and played a two-and-a-half minute solo. Exhausted, she ran back while Elfman, Idol, Cooper, and Jessica sang a repeat of the first verse and chorus. Rather than finish the normal way, Brian signaled and let Lisa have another solo.

Lisa didn't know what to think of the gesture. She though him probably trying to compensate for the fact she provided little more than backup for their group, if she played at all, while he and Bart hogged the front stage. Jessica got a lot of attention too, but she didn't play anything and could hardly sing. She was distracting eyecandy with minimal talent, like Jessica Simpson. But underlying was the bigger issue: Lisa was a jazz girl. She loved the brassy horns, the swinging beat, racial themes, and the political correctness. It was a non-caucasian, and hence, more valuable, form of art. But Brian loved the rock. He loved the wild, carnival atmosphere. He loved telling people off. He loved the quick tempos and the slow ones, the fast songs and the eight-minute ballads. He also, sadly, loved the lifestyle, and while he had refrained from the illegal drugs, he did have a dangerous love of liqueur, especially Irish whiskey. He hardly ever smoked, in fact, smokers aggravated him, almost as much as those who tried to ban smoking. He seemed a dangerous explosive, burning his short fuse faster and faster.

She finished her solo, one of her best improvisations. She quickly wiped a tear out of her eye. She sometimes started crying while playing. Sometimes, she wasn't even sad. She just started crying.

"Woo! Alright!" Idol screeched.

"We have another song, one for all you guys. This was one Brian asked me to do a while ago, and its for every antisocial jerkoff out there."

Lisa looked at Brian. His vaguely spiked hair was a mess. He had his bass guitar ready. Bet it's 'On the Outside'.

"'On the Outside', guys, oke-doke?" Elfman called back over his shoulder.

Bart lead with the opening riffs. Lisa added her sax to the blaring horns. Elfman sang the first verse. She opened one eye to look at Brian. He looked so distant, staring out over the crowd and off into the distance, at the violet horizon. He looked up as Elfman gestured to him. He was letting him sing the next verse. Lisa liked seeing him sing. It was good for him, cathartic.

"I never was a punk, I never shot junk,

I never even tried,

Counter-culture passed me right by!"

"-I'm on the outside!"

"Don't talk to debutantes, don't eat in restaurants,

the patrons sit and stare,

the waiters make wise cracks behind my back!"

He threw Lisa a meaningful look. She understood.

"-I'm on the outside!"

"The teachers stare in school, they flunk me by the rule,

they said I had no motivation,


or dedication.

I guess the imbeciles were right."

"I'm on the outside!" Brian sang.

"I'm on the outside!" she replied.

They all came in "I'm on the outside-!"

"This is where it all begins!" they all sang, with Bart, Jess, and their three guests waving their arms in time. The audience copied.

"On the outside looking in. Get in.

I do.

I'm just an alien through an' through,

Trying to make believe I'm you-hoo-hoo,

Tryin' ta fit.

Just a stranger on the outside looking in!"

Lisa was permitted a brief solo.

"Disco makes me sick," Alice sang. "I where the wrong clothes;

I say the wrong things…"

"YouknowIcantdancemyfeetarmuchtoowide!" Idol sang, dancing on the spot.

"You think you set the trends,

You where yer hair ju' right,

Your house is modern, really kitschy, yet so macho when ya whip yer bitch!" Bart sang.

"I see them go to work,

I seem them go to sleep,

I seem them on TV,

I see them laugh an' clap,

I'm on the outside, I'm on the outsi—de, now!"

The audience cheered.

They played about five more songs together, and then Idol and Cooper had to leave. They played 'Stay' (the Jackson Browne version). After they left, they had a little chat with Elfman, there on stage. He told them how great it was to see them, and how he'd be at the wedding. He then asked about Brian and Lisa, how they were doing, and when they planned on tying the knot. He said high to Mac, and to Burke, who announced that he was seeing a French-Basque girl named Christine. Elfman chuckled heartily, and made a few embarrassing French jokes. When corrected that she was French-Basque, thus, a type of Basque, Elfman made a sheep joke. The audience laughed. They played 'Wild Sex (In The Working Class)' and finished with 'It Only Makes Me Laugh'. Then Elfman said his goodbyes.

They played about eight or so more songs, went offstage, them came back and did two encores. After that, they clobbered their way past the paparazzi and were rushed into their limos by Kearney, Nelson, and Jimbo.

"Whew," Bart gasped. He was slouching in his seat, arm around Jessica, an unlit cigarette in his mouth. Jessica slapped it out of his mouth.

"Bart! You said you'd quit!"

"Oh, yeah. Sorry babe."

"So, where to now, buddy?" the 'Wiseguy'-voiced limo driver asked.

"Let's go somewhere!" Jessica said.

"Yeah! Where're the good clubs in town?" Mac asked.

"Eh, I'm beat," Brian sighed, "All I want is a nice shower and to go to sleep."

"Lis'? You in?"

"Naw. I think I'm gonna go back to the hotel with Brian."

Jessica, being a girl and, thus, aware of people's behaviour, saw the way Lisa was leaning in to Brian, how her fingers were just barely resting on his hand. Of course, it was obvious to anyone that Jessica and Bart were a couple, the way they sat so close, the way they touched without hesitation. It was apparent 'the wall' had long been torn down between them. But there was a tension apparent, between the two innocents in the car, between the Catholic Philosophy teacher turned singer/songwriter, and his twenty-three-years-old former pupil. What Jessica did not see was the fact that Brian felt Lisa's eyes upon him, and felt all the concern and longing that weighed within her heart. But Lisa knew.