WKRP traffic director Bailey Quarters was on the phone when director of sales Herb Tarlek and news director Les Nessman entered the bullpen. Not too proud to eavesdrop, they listened in on Bailey's end of the conversation:
"So did you have a happy New Year?"
"Uh, huh, that's nice"
"Mine was OK, but my date was a cold fish" Bailey laughed
"How is John doing?"
Herb kept leaning closer, and Bailey gave him an evil glare. Arthur "Big Guy" Carlson, the station manager, came walking through.
"Meeting in my office, right now." Carlson said. Nessman and Tarlek followed him. Bailey stayed on the phone.
Within a few minutes, the senior staff of the radio station was assembled. program director Andy Travis, receptionist Jennifer Marlow, and DJ's (later to be known as "on-air personalities") Venus Flytrap and Johnny Fever joined Carlson, Nessman, and Tarlek in the large station manager's office.
"We need to come up with a Valentine's Day promotion, its less than a month away," Carlson stated.
Les, as usual, totally changed the subject, "I'm doing an in-depth report on Ronald Reagan, the first year in office. Today marks the one year anniversary of the gipper's inauguration."
Carlson started with, "Les…" Then noticed the absent person, "Where's Bailey? A Valentine's promotion would be just right for her."
Herb offered, "She's on the phone talking about Johnny."
Venus smiled and nudged Fever, "She's talking about you, man."
At about that moment, Bailey came into the meeting. She asked, trying to hide her jealousy with a smile, "Who's talking about Johnny?"
Les, the tattle-tale, answered, "You are, we overheard you in the bullpen."
Bailey blushed, "No kidding you guys over heard me, I felt like just having Herb hold the phone he was so close. But I wasn't talking about our Johnny."
Johnny feigned acting hurt, "You have another Johnny, tell me who is he, I'll kill him!"
Bailey knew she was being teased, so she let the whole room have it. "I'll have you know while you guys were filling your face with burgers, I was on the phone with Sharon Osbourne. I got her to agree to have her Johnny to an interview and promo for his concert at the Riverfront Stadium next month."
Les looked confused, "Who's John Osbourne?"
Andy looked shocked, and said, "Bailey, you got Ozzy Osbourne to do an interview on WKRP? I could kiss you! As a matter of fact I think I will!" On that, Travis kissed Bailey on the cheek. Johnny Fever didn't look too happy.
Later, Venus was giving Johnny a hard time, "Jealous because Travis kissed Bailey?"
Fever said, "No, its just I had a few run-ins with Ozzy years back when he was with Sabbath. He ended up barfing on my microphone."
Venus just looked disgusted. He added, "Well, he's married now, that does change people."
Johnny agreed, "Yeah, it does."
The next morning, Big Guy, Andy, Herb, and Les were talking about the new promotion.
"I don't know Andy," Arthur said, "I heard this Ozzy guy can get wild, Mama may not like this."
Herb echoed the Big Guy, "Yeah, Andy, who knows what he'll do."
Les jumped in, "I agree, maybe we should pass on this and spend more time on Reagan."
Andy replied, "Sure Ozzy's outrageous, that's what makes him so popular. But his popularity will mean a lot more listeners for us. We can double, even triple, our regular rate for time around the Ozzy interview."
Herb picked up on that. Triple rate meant triple commission. Herb quickly recanted, "I dunno big guy, maybe we are a little hasty to judge…"
Carlson said, "Well, Mama usually goes on a Valentine's weekend cruise… maybe she won't be here…"
Andy went into the booth and nodded at Johnny, who was at the console. Venus was just hanging out. AC/DC was playing in the background.
Johnny said, "Now that we got you in a head banging type of mood, we have something special in mind for you next month. Here's a hint." At that, Johnny played 'Crazy Train'
"I don't know Andy," Johnny warned, "Ozzy's a real wild card."
Andy laughed, "Yeah, I heard about the puking on the mike."
Just then Les Nessman burst in. "Special News report," he said in huff, grabbing the microphone.
"Wait until the song's over, Nessman," Johnny threatened, "but I swear if its another Reagan report, your gonna be grabbing that microphone out of a part of your anatomy it has no business near."
Les just grinned, and replied, "Oh, the song is appropriate. And no, this report is not about the greatest living American, far from it."
Les got on as soon as the song was over, "This is Les Nessman, WKRP news with a special report. Rock star Ozzy Osbourne was taken to a Des Moines hospital last night for rabies shots after he bit the head off a live bat on stage. More on this story as soon as it develops." Les added smugly, "Back to you, Johnny."
"Thanks, Les," Johnny said while going to commercial.
Andy looked stunned. First of all, that had to be one of Les' best newscasts. And it actually had to do with the station's format. But secondly, he was wondering what he got WKRP in to.
Johnny just said to Venus, "Yes, I can see Ozzy has changed…"