A/N: Hello there. I'm attempting humour again. This is the first chapter of a lil Sirius/Tonks/Lupin friendship fic that I've got going. I must stress that this is not a romance fic (even though I'm a Tonks/Lupin shipper.) These just happen to be my favourite Order members and have therefore been used in this crazy story.

Disclaimer: Like J.K.Rowling would be daft enough to put her amazing characters into such a barmy storyline! Needless to say, they aren't mine :)

Sirius Black had never enjoyed being alone. Needless to say he did not enjoy his lengthy stay in Azkaban, but who would? When Albus Dumbledore had contacted Sirius an hour after the Triwizard Tournament had ended, asking him if he would consider letting Number 12 Grimmauld Place become the Headquarters for the New Order of the Phoenix, Sirius' had replied bluntly: No ... However, a month later he found himself sat alone in the house's filthy kitchen wondering how, after all these years, he had managed to wind up back where he had started. It wasn't as if he didn't have company. There was usually an Order Member or two about. Those who had been on watch would tell him about Harry, and he would listen enviously. Yet, on this stuffy July morning, Sirius was alone. Bored, hung over and alone. He sat at the grubby wooden table reading the Daily Prophet and muttering aloud at the cynical comments written about his Godson. He eventually put the paper down, mumbling a curse under his breath. A familiar voice made him look up.

"They say it's the first sign of madness, talking to yourself." Remus Lupin stood at the top of the kitchen steps, a huge grin on his face. Sirius matched it and rose from his seat as his friend descended the stairs.

"We both know I lost it years ago, Moony," he responded, pulling his best friend into a warm embrace. They broke apart. Remus looked his friend up and down.

"You look awful," he stated and Sirius laughed.

"Too many drinks down me last night! It's this place. It depresses me so much."

"Ah, you shouldn't drink alone Padfoot," Remus warned taking a seat opposite Sirius', as his friend moved to make some tea.

"Who said I was alone?" he asked, shooting a mischievous grin over his shoulder. "Anyway, I wouldn't have to drink alone if you hadn't taken so long to show you're face. Dumbledore contacted you, what … a month ago? You took you're time didn't you! Have more important things to think about, do we? I, on the other hand had nothing better to do and said 'Yeah, another war sounds great! Count me in! Hey let's make it even better by basing ourselves in my childhood home which I can't stand and swore to myself I'd never set foot in again!'" Sirius rambled, causing a laugh from Remus.

"My apologies Sirius, I should have thought about you're need for a drinking partner and dropped everything to come and sit around with you."

"Glad we agree," he grinned jovially, placing a mug of tea in front of Remus. At that moment a crash came from upstairs, followed by the incoherent screams of Mrs Black's portrait. Both men looked up, one wearing a frown the other a grin.

"Good morning, Dora!" Sirius called. An attractive witch with scarlet hair that flicked out at a precarious angle by her ears appeared at the top of the stairs, carrying a lollipop in one hand and a Starbucks cup in the other. She was wiping her top madly, where her beverage had spilled on her chest, trying not to make the mess worse by dripping her lollipop on herself. Remus' eyes followed her intently. She was undoubtedly very pretty, but he felt that there was more to her than that. In honesty he found her rather fascinating.

"Morning Poodle. That bloody thing," she said to her chest as she walked down the stairs. "I swear it moves! It must have legs or something." She shook her head and frowned at her own comment. "I'm gonna wrap it up and give it to my mum for a Christmas present!"

Sirius barked a laugh. "Put my name on the tag. I think she'll love it."

"Nice day out," she mentioned. Sirius turned to Remus.

"This is Dora. She says that every morning to wind me up." Sure enough, Remus could see a smirk forming at the corner of her mouth.

Tonks put her cup on the table and hesitated before putting her lollipop beside it. The table was so filthy that she decided against it and handed it to Sirius.

"What flavour?" he asked as she crossed to the sink and dampened a cloth to wipe her soiled top. She gave a shrug.

"Strawberry, I think. Yeah, just help yourself!" she said sarcastically as he put a corner in his mouth.

"It's blackcurrant, you idiot."

She shrugged again. "Fruit's fruit, innit."

"You're so common Dora, you really are."

Tonks looked at Remus, as if she had only just noticed him. He was surprised to find her eyes were a shocking electric blue and shimmered as she smiled. She pointed at him and mouthed obviously 'Who's that?' Sirius sighed.

"This is my friend Remus," he told her. Tonks gave a scoff.

"Don't lie Sirius, you don't have any friends."

"Yes I do," he retorted indignantly, "…one…and this is him."

"Really? How much are you paying him?"

"Not enough," Remus cut in before Sirius could answer. Sirius gave him a scowl.

"Ooh, I like him already," Tonks said with an impish smile. "You look awful by the way," she said matter-of-factly to Sirius, whose scowl deepened.

"How is it that I feel like shit, and you bounce in at 9am as if you hadn't touched a drop all night?"

"Because, my sweet, you are an old man." He made a face. "And had twice as much as me."

"More like half. And I am not old!" She stuck her tongue out at him cheekily and sat beside him. Remus felt uncomfortable. This girl … woman … had just paraded in and spoken to Sirius as if they were best of buddies … or closer. It was just like Sirius to try it on with a young and vibrant witch such as the one sat before them. She seemed friendly enough though, and willing to match Sirius' advances, even if she appeared to be several years younger than them.

"I didn't buy you that vodka in the end," she was saying to him, "because the guy stacking shelves looked at me funny, most probably because it was only 8:30am. But," she reached into her bag, "I did buy you chocolate Hobnobs as you managed to eat my entire stash last night. Greedy git!"

Sirius snatched for the packet eagerly but appreciatively.

"Cheers, I owe you one."

"17 actually."

"Dora here has been my unofficial 'watcher'," he told Remus, who looked rather amused.

"Yeah, maybe I can go back to work now that you have your friend back," she said hopefully.

"Shouldn't you be there now?" Sirius enquired scooping the cream off her hot chocolate with his finger. She tapped his hand sharply.

"Nope, half day. Hurrah! Was gonna go shopping but have no money so that plan's out of the metaphorical window."

"What do you do?" Remus asked. She turned to him, offering him yet another playful grin.

"I'm an Auror," she said proudly. She turned to Sirius. "Which reminds me, guess who came into my office the other day… Dolores Umbridge." Both men gave a cringe.

"Oh yeah? What did she want?" Sirius asked, his tone full of disgust.

"She was looking for Kingsley. I told her that his office was next door and she said that she knew but he wasn't in. Who am I, his chuffing secretary? Then she stood behind me and watched me work for 5 minutes. I felt like I was doing an exam. Then she said to me… 'Nymphadora Tonks? I've heard of you. You're one of them, aren't you!'"

Sirius' mouth fell open in apparent shock.

"One of what?"

"Well that's what I thought. I didn't answer so she asked again and I said yes."

"But you didn't know what you were?"

Tonks frowned in confusion at his question then nodded.

"Yeah, that's right. Then she went on about shape shifters being untrustworthy members of society and I realised what she was talking about. Thought she was gonna suggest I wear a bell around my neck! Anyway, she turns to leave and says at the door 'Tonks… you're father's Muggle-born isn't he?' And I was like…bye! She can slag me off all she wants but she can leave my Dad out of it," she finished with a huff. Sirius tutted in disapproval.

"She's such a cow. Remus hates her too, don't you Remus."

Remus nodded but said no more. He didn't particularly want to divulge in his reasons for disliking Umbridge, especially with someone he had only just met. He liked the way people treated him before they were aware of his condition. Even if people told him they were ok with it, they were always different after.

"There's a rumour going around at work that she's got a job at Hogwarts. I'll laugh if it's true," Tonks sniggered.

"So will I, but I doubt Harry will find it very funny," Sirius admitted. Tonks nodded then looked at her watch.

"I'd better head off. I'll pop by this evening after work. Anything else you want me to pick up for you?"


"You're a very dirty man, Sirius Black."

"What! I get it for the articles." He offered her a wink and she laughed. "Hey, thanks for last night. I needed cheering up."

"No probs. Anytime, seriously." She got to her feet and kissed him on the top of his head. "See ya later. Nice meeting you," she added to Remus, who smiled politely.

"Have fun at work."

She turned to wave and stumbled up the stairs.

Sirius grinned as she left. It soon faded as he turned to Remus and noticed his mildly accusing stare.


"Oh come off it, Padfoot. You were all over her and you know it!" Sirius merely blinked at his friend and turned away with a scoff. "Are you denying it?"

"Are you jealous?" Sirius retorted. He had always loved teasing Remus, purely for the fact that it was so easy.

"No, of course not. Don't be ridiculous," he said firmly, wishing his face didn't feel so hot.

"Why would that be ridiculous? Tonks is a very attractive young woman, I think we've both noticed that," he added causing a blush from Remus. Sirius gave a laugh. "She also happens to be my cousin." Remus' eyes widened and his blush deepened. He gave a cough of embarrassment. "So, in answer to you're question Moony, no I'm not all over her. Thank you very much!" He finished with a huff and grabbed the drink, which Tonks had left in front of him. Remus sat with his mouth open for some time. He closed his eyes, wishing he hadn't made such a fool of himself.


"Excuse me? Oh right, um no thank you."

Sirius shrugged and put a whole biscuit into his mouth at once making any speech after that rather difficult.

"Suit yourself," he mumbled, spraying crumbs over his unimpressed friend.

A/N: This is the first chaper so bear with me. Things are gonna get a lil crazy!