The Best of Both
As I stand there, alone, after Naraku has been defeated, seeing you kiss Kagome, I have finally realized who you truly love.
The knowledge is breaking my heart in pieces, and yet, I am happy, I never thought I would feel happiness again, much less the bittersweet taste of it when that happiness belongs to someone else that is not me.
But I am happy, because you found someone that is worthy of your love, that can understand you better than I ever did.
My selfish side tell me that is should be me, not her, kissing you, but the truth is that it is her, my own reincarnation, whom you are kissing with such love that is much stronger than mine could ever be.
She has endured many things, all for your sake, that I could never have, she loves you without restraints, she loves you with her whole heart.
I admit I loved you, or I thought I did, and I would have been happy living the rest of my life with you, and I wish—
But wishes won't change what already happened. Not even the Shikon, which ended my life, and which brought her to you. Maybe I was not meant to be with you since the beginning.
Maybe, I was her substitute, not the other way around, as I always believed.
But we both love you, one more than the other, one with a full heart, while the other was too afraid of giving it to you.
Perhaps, Kagome and I are not as different as I first thought.
We have more things in common that I believed, or maybe I knew, and because of that I refused to acknowledge it.
Because now I know that Kagome is me and I am just a shell of my former self, whose true identity got lost somewhere along the way after I died.
And that true identity was reborn in another body, was given a second chance as her.
As Higurashi Kagome.
While this part of me, the part that wanted to hate you for my death was stuck somewhere between life and death, chained to life because of the hate and pain I didn't let go of, and chained to death because I had no physical body.
Stuck in between because I have no other place to go.
So, this is the truth I had been searching for so long, and that had always been in front of me, but I was to blind to see what was so clear since the beginning.
I am no longer Kikyou...
No, I am no longer the sweet and caring, but sad and lonely miko that sought comfort in the thought of love, but that was, in reality, an illusion created by my own loneliness.
I am just an empty shell, one that shouldn't be alive in the first place.
I stopped being Kikyou the day I let my hate dominate me. And perhaps, had I loved you more, I would have been able to know that it was not you, but instead, we both fell into Naraku's trap, Naraku ended my life, while I put yours on hold.
Now I am grateful that I used the sealing arrow, instead of purifying you, now that I know you never hurt me, I wouldn't have been able to live with the gilt.
And Kagome loves you deeply, Inuyasha, now I know, because she would have trusted you, she would have seen beyond the trap.
So... This is it, I have decided what my fate will be, and somehow, I feel at peace.
I sigh as I watch you kiss the best of both of us, the one who is me, and at the same time, is not.
She was able to love you for what you was, a hanyou, a thing I was not able to do, and that's why she is better then me, and why she deserves to be with you.
Because she loves you unconditionally... While my love for you was just a way to get rid of my loneliness.
Stay with her, Inuyasha, because she is better than I ever was, because she loves you for who you are, and because she loves you selflessly, two things I couldn't do, and even if I regret it now, there is no way to change the past.
Be happy with her, and I'll be happy knowing that you are happy. You have my blessing, both of you, I harbor no hate anymore, and I am finally able to go.
I feel peace now, as darkness has begun to consume my being, I am at peace now, because I know...
That you choose the best of both...
Well, here you have it, sad and short, and Kikyou may seem to oc, but I wanted to picture another side of her.
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