a/n: yeah… so. It's been about uhhh…. 3 years? Haha yeah. 3 years sounds about right. Sorry.
Kouga confesses his love for Kagome to Inuyasha.
Inuyasha and Kouga are no longer friends.
Kagome confesses her love for Inuyasha.
Inuyasha and Kagome have a steamy make-out session.
Ohhhh the tension!
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What I am Feeling
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Two weeks had passed since Inuyasha and Kagome had kissed. Nothing seemed to change, and the two seemed more distant than ever. Inuyasha hadn't really said a word to Kagome since the incident and Kagome was too embarrassed to talk about what had happened.
"Monday, January 25th (6th hour)
We haven't talked and I'm alright with that. We haven't mentioned anything about it and still I'm alright with that. But… the only thing that I'm not alright with is that he seems to have lost his interest in me. Did I scare him away?"
She looked up from her diary. She saw Inuyasha staring out the window while he quietly tapped his pencil against his desktop. She then looked at Kiyou who was sitting next to him. Kikyou was taking down notes from the teacher's lecture before she looked up slowly. Kagome continued to stare. She felt her heart sink.
Why did they break up? She didn't love him anymore, right? But that doesn't necessarily mean that he stopped loving her back.
Kikyou was poised, strong, and beautiful. She seemed to always know the answer to everything. Of course he would still be in love with her. Who wouldn't be!
"He must feel guilty for kissing me… I would feel guilty too if I kissed someone I didn't love."
"Kags!" shouted Kagura as she approached Kagome in the hallway.
Kagome looked up from her locker before putting away her books. "Oh, hey Kagura."
Kagura leaned against the locker next to Kagome's and flashed a devious smile. "The answers to your questions are pink, doves, chocolate, and no," she told smugly.
Kagome closed her locker and looked up to Kagura with a puzzled look. "My questions…? I didn't ask any questions," Kagome replied innocently.
Kagura laughed. "Oh my gosh, Kags. You're funny. Those answers are for my favorite color, my favorite animal, my favorite treat, and the gift doesn't have to be expensive." Kagome continued to stare. An awkward smile slowly crept upon her lips. Kagura looked at her with wide eyes. "You're not serious, are you? It's my birthday Thursday!" Kagome finally understood as she began to nod her head. "I figured you wanted to know what to get me but were too shy to ask so I thought I'd just tell you myself. People tend to think my favorite color is white… Yuck…"
Kagome nodded again. "Yeah, of course. I'm so sorry. I didn't forget. A lot has just been on my mind lately, ha…"
Kagura looked at her with worry. "You know, I have been sensing that something was bothering you. I mean, we never see you and Inuyasha anymore. Are you guys alright?"
Kagome turned around and began to walk down the hall. She couldn't look Kagura in the eye and tell her what was really bothering her. She hated to lie, especially when the person she was lying to was looking in her eyes. Kagura began to follow Kagome.
"Us? Ha ha!" Kagome laughed. "Oh wow. Yes! Yes, we are just doing great," she lied. "As a matter of fact I could barely pry the boy away from me this morning. Ah ha ha!" Kagome told loudly.
Kagura continued to follow her with a confused face. "Well, it's none of my business I suppose. As long as you're doing alright." Kagome finally stopped and faced the girl. "So I'll see you guys Thursday, right?" she winked.
Kagome smiled. "No doubt."
"Inuyasha!" Miroku shouted. It snapped Inuyasha out of his daze. He looked up to his friend. "What's been bothering you lately? You've barely touched your food and you love this dumb restaurant," Miroku said before taking a bite out of his burger.
Inuyasha looked down to his food. The two boys were by themselves in the small restaurant located in the heart of the city. Inuyasha sighed and looked out the window.
"I don't know, man… I just feel like everything's changed. Kouga's an idiot, Kikyou's with Naraku… I feel like nothing's how it's supposed to be," he told.
Miroku took a sip out of his soda. "It only seems that way because you're dwelling on things you can't control, 'Yash." Miroku took another bite out of his food. "And what's the deal with you and Kags? I haven't seen you two together in a while. Are you still mad at her about the whole Hojou thing?"
Inuyasha shook his head. "Nah. That was all a misunderstanding. I'm over that."
"Well then what is it?"
Inuyasha shook his head again. "I don't know… I guess I just feel lost."
Miroku sat back in his seat before giving his friend his full attention. "I know that when you lose such a close friend like Kouga it can hurt, but you have to understand that Kouga let that hatred grow within himself. There was nothing we could do about that." Inuyasha nodded lightly. "And as for Kikyou… she was the one that messed up. But because of her mistakes you found someone just as wonderful, if not better."
Inuyasha sat still as he continued to stare out the window. He was obviously still hurting from Kikyou, and he obviously still loved her. But where did that leave Kagome? Why did he kiss her? 'That damn kiss ruined everything,' Inuyasha thought. 'It set my mind into a frenzy of confusion!'
"You know, Inuyasha," Miroku began, "It's okay if you don't love Kags right now." Inuyasha turned his attention to Miroku. "The love you had for Kikyou will always be there, but it will shrink. As that love for her shrinks, your love for Kags may grow. You may not know it yet, but you will love her. That is, if you don't already…"
Inuyasha needed more time to himself. Going home just seemed like such a nuisance at that moment and Miroku was the only person whom he could discuss his problems with since Kouga admitted his true feelings. He sat alone in the park on the edge of the fountain and stared off into the trees. Suddenly, he heard a number of things drop across the street and a young woman sigh. He casually looked over.
"Kikyou…" he whispered. Without realizing it, Inuyasha stood up and began to run over to her. She was carrying a paper bag of groceries when it had suddenly given out on the bottom.
She was picking up the remains of her groceries when Inuyasha had reached her. He began to pick up her things as well. She looked up and suddenly froze. "Inuyasha…" she said softly.
He gave a shy smile. "Hey. Did you need help?"
Kikyou fluttered her eyes gently before bringing her gaze back to her fallen items. "Oh… Yeah. That'd be great, thanks."
Once everything was picked up, the two stood up and looked awkwardly from side to side. "What are you doing on this side of town?" she asked.
"I just wanted to think," he said as he nodded toward the park. She looked over his shoulder to see what he was talking about.
"At the park?"
"Yeah," he smiled.
"What did you need to think about?" she asked as she began to walk down the sidewalk with Inuyasha at her side.
"I don't know. A lot."
The two continued to walk down the street before turning the corner and coming upon a small apartment complex.
"Was it about us?" she asked before she stopped and faced him. Inuyasha looked away bashfully. "What about us, Inuyasha?" Inuyasha shook his head lightly. Kikyou looked away too. A moment of silence passed between the two before she spoke again. "Come upstairs."
Kikyou lived toward the center of the city and didn't live too far away from where the two had met that afternoon. Kikyou lived by herself in a small one-bedroom apartment that her parents were renting out for her. Her parents were always doing business in different parts of Europe and China and were hardly ever in the country.
Kikyou put her groceries away as Inuyasha sat down on the couch. He looked around her apartment and it felt like it had only been a day since he was last there. Her scent was everywhere and it gave him small chills.
She finished and brought two glasses of water; his with no ice. She smiled as put it down on the coffee table. "I remember that you don't like ice too much."
He smiled back as he grabbed it and brought it to his lips. "You don't forget anything."
She sat back and watched him drink the water. Once he put the water down and got comfortable, she asked, "What about us, Inuyasha?"
He looked down for a second before raising his eyes to hers. His eyes were golden with speckles of brown and amber, and she always loved those eyes. Her heart skipped a beat.
"Where's Naraku?" he asked.
Kikyou shrugged lightly. "Where's Kags?"
Inuyasha shrugged in return.
The tension was unbearable. The two had known each other for so long and yet they could barely sit down and talk without feeling awkward.
Finally, Inuyasha got the courage to speak up. He looked away as he spoke. "Kikyou… what if… what if I still love you?" Kikyou stared. She was still but her eyes seemed to light up with life.
"What about Kags?"
Inuyasha shook his head. "What about her?"
After another moment of silence, Kikyou scooted closer to Inuyasha and placed her hand on his cheek. She examined his face with her eyes and began to run her hands through his silky, white hair. Her eyes seemed to tear up and she brought her head to his chest and hugged him.
It was muffled, but Inuyasha could hear her ask, "And what if I still love you?"
Inuyasha looked down at her small frame and hugged her back in return. "Then we still love each other," he smiled slightly.
Kikyou's body began to shake as the tears came out of her eyes. She looked back up to him and smiled. "Then we still love each other…" she repeated. She laughed. "You're such a dork." She leaned in slowly desperately wanting a kiss. She closed her eyes. Inuyasha leaned in too.
'You're such a dork… Kagome,' he thought.
"Kagome…" he whispered.
"What?" Kikyou asked as she opened her eyes.
"I, uh… I'm sorry, Kikyou. I realize that I have something to do," he said as he rushed to gather his things. I am so sorry, Kikyou. It's just it's really important. I'm so sorry. I'll.. I'll see you though, okay?" He headed for the door. "I'll see you." He shut the door behind him.
Kikyou remained sitting, confusion written clear across her face.
"It's cold, it's cold, it's cold!" Kagome muttered as she sat outside shivering. She kept looking from side to side to check if Inuyasha's car was coming down the street. It was already dark and she had been sitting on his front porch for a good half hour and nobody was home. She glanced at her bike. "One day you're going to get replaced with a car! I hope you know that!" she scolded at it.
She began to stomp her feet in an attempt to keep warm. "Ugh! Inuyasha! Where could you possibly be!" she yelled out of frustration.
As if the gods had answered her cry, Inuyasha's red car pulled up into the driveway. Kagome sighed out of relief and stood up to greet him.
Inuyasha stepped out of his car and looked at her bewildered. "Kagome! What the heck are you doing here?" he asked as he approached her.
Kagome continued to shiver. "I-I just wanted to s-see you," she breathed. He put the back of his hand on her cheek.
"Man, you're freezing!" he yelled. "What were you thinking, stupid! Sitting out in the cold in the middle of winter!"
Kagome glared at him. "Well, I'm sorry! I'll just go home then!"
She began to walk toward her bike before he grabbed her wrist and yanked her back.
"Stop being difficult," he told. "Come on. Let's get you warmed up."
She sat on his bed and drank the warm tea he had made for her. She put it down and waited for him to finish changing his clothes in his closet. He came out as he pulled his shirt over his head.
She saw it again. Those dame sculpted abs.
"So why did you come here?" Inuyasha asked as he walked over to his bed and sat down with her.
Kagome shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I just wanted to talk. Things feel different between us and I got tired of waiting around for you to address it," she confessed.
Inuyasha sighed. "I'm sorry, Kagome. A lot has just been on my mind."
Kagome nodded. "I know what you mean…"
He laid back, his legs hanging off the bed. Kagome was sitting at the head of the bed to his right. "I'm just trying to figure out what's going on in my head." Kagome began to crawl over to him.
"Is it about us..?" she asked quietly. Her face was now hovering above his.
He looked up into her deep brown eyes. Her hair was hanging down and caressing his cheek. She had become so beautiful to him these past couple of weeks and he hadn't even realized it. Something came over him as he continued to look at her. Her eyes were concerned.
He sat up and faced her. His face looked so pained and it confused Kagome. He hadn't said a word and he was starting to worry her. They were so close and he was just staring at her. It was so awkward.
He cut her off with a kiss. She was so taken aback by the kiss that she almost fell back.
His lips were so soft. She closed her eyes and gave into him.
He closed any distance that was left between the two of them and forced her to lie down. Puzzled by what was going on, she attempted to gently push him off but he just grabbed her wrist tightly and pinned it down.
The kiss became more intense once he placed his body on top of hers. With his free hand he pushed her legs apart and lied in between them. Unsure of what was going on, Kagome let out a small whimper. Inuyasha licked her bottom lip, making sure it was okay if he deepened the kiss. Kagome opened her mouth slightly and he took advantage of that.
Once their tongues met, Inuyasha began to grind his pelvis into hers. He let go of her wrist and slipped his hand underneath her shirt. He touched the skin of her stomach and it drove him crazy. He wanted more of Kagome. He broke the kiss and began to kiss, suck, and bite at her neck.
Her eyes fluttered open at the sensation of his kisses and arched her back from the pleasurable pain she felt when he bit too hard. He ravished her outer thigh with one hand and grasped her hip with the other. He pulled himself deeper into her and she whimpered once again.
She slipped her hands under his shirt too and felt his warm, soft skin. She felt the muscles in his back and closed her eyes. This was too good to be true.
He brought his face back to kiss her and she pulled him on top of her. She wanted more than this though. She wanted to know how he felt about her. "Inuyasha," she managed to let out. He kissed her again. Her stomach did a flip as her question slipped out. "What do you want with me…?"
Inuyasha kissed her once more before pulling back. He looked at her and she looked back with a pained and confused face. She was panting lightly and her hair was messy.
She was beautiful. That's all he could think of. Kagome was beautiful. Inside and out.
He kissed her on her forehead softly before looking her in the eyes. "I… I just want you." He continued to look into her eyes. "I finally realize that you are all I want and all I'll need."
Kagome felt tears forming in her eyes and a lump forming in her throat.
"I want you to be mine. I want you to really be my girlfriend. I don't care who you were before. I realize now that those kinds of things don't matter. Please, Kagome. Forgive me for being so cold before. I just didn't understand what I was feeling."
Kagome looked away as her tears slipped out of her eyes. It was embarrassing to cry with someone there in your face. He cupped her chin gently and met her gaze.
"Kagome…." He swallowed. "I love you, too."
a/n: ahhhhh. Good times. Good reading. Some nice, sexy heated moments there ;) Read & review loves!
Next Chapter: Rip the Pages Away