-For the sake of my story I have re-arranged the chonology of the episodes. "The
Mirror", "City of Stone" and "High Noon" now take place after "The Price" in this
order. Also the events of the latter two episodes will obviously change. This is
-I hope I have descibed what Elisa is going though good enough.
-I have no clue of the exact English quotes, so I simply translated the quotes from
the German translated episodes.
Previously on Gargoyles:
Captain of the Guard: "The credit is not mine to take, your highness. Without Goliath and his Gargoyles, our defense would have proven useless." Princess Katharine: "Please. Don't mention that monster's name in my presence."
Princess Katharine: "Please. Don't mention that monster's name in my presence."
Goliath: "It is the nature of humankind to fear what they do not understand. Their ways are not our ways."
-Awakening, Part I
Goliath: "Gargoyles protect. It is our nature, our purpose. To lose that is to be corrupt, empty, lifeless."
Elisa: "I think I need more self control... It was as if something in me screamed to simply attack. Is this part of what you are?"
Goliath: "We always have to control ourself, because our ancient nature is very easy to anger and thus leading to agression. What happens if someone has no such control... Demona is a good example. But considering that you still held back a great deal, your self-control must be quite good already."
-Aftershocks, Part III
Canmore: "A good thing we had the rest of her clan destroyed as well. Her kind was an abomination! They did not deserve to live."
Luna: "We fell the touch of the Puck's magic on you, creature. It feels...disgusting"
Seline: "The Puck always does what against nature is. Creating perversions."
Phoebe: "You should ask yourself, are you now more human or more beast? For you seem to lack control."
-City of Stone IV/Part II
When it comes crashing down
It was almost a week sinceDemona's curse, which turned all humans in New York to stone during the night, had been broken. Demona and MacBeth had be abducted by the Weird Sisters, they had heared nothing of them since then. God only know what they planned with these two.
But actually that not really interested Elisa right now. Sitting on the railing of the clock tower's balcony and carressing Cagney, she was lost in thoughts and fears. "You should ask yourself, are you now more human or more beast? For you seem to lack control." they had said to her. And it had hurt her down to the core, because it was true. She HAD lost control when brawling with Demona. She had wished to rip her to pieces, bathe in her blood. And when she had verbally attacked Demona, it nearly had become a physical attack.
And this scared her. It was as if the person Elisa was totally surpressed and replaced with a agressive beast, wanting to cause havoc. And all this because she not had the needed control over her new nature. She had failed to control herself, getting dangerously close to a rage like Demona.
Of course there were rational explanations for all this. That her hormone level now was much higher and that her body was now much more generous with releasing Adrenaline, making her more agressive. But that she lacked the willpower to overcome the primitive commands from her brain scared her to no end. Was she really becoming a beast?
But it was not only that.
Her changing into a gargoyle involved more than just growing additional body parts and turning to stone during the day. Beside the fact that she was extremely easy to anger, she had noticed several psychological changes within herself. Whenever she did something to protect someone or do some other good deed, she felt good, as if she was given a reward for it. If that was the instinct to protect, then she not wondered why Demona had become a psycho.
Also she to work hard not to let other emotions get the better of her. She had to work on not to let her attraction towards Goliath get the better of her. But thankfully that was much easier than controlling her anger. She not wanted to risk his friendship by doing something inappropriate.
She felt her depression rising, when she also thought how much she had lost with her transformation. She had tried to push the pain simply away, but now it had come back with a vengeance, and she felt even more miserable now. Being a outcast in the world and never being able to live like she had before the fateful night.
Friends she could never see again, places she sould never visit again, things she could naver do again. The list was still gowing in her thoughts. That pain made it even more difficult for her to keep her emptions in check.
But her main problem was her anger. In the week she had descended into fear and uncertainness, had withdrawn from the clan, remaining silent through most of the night. Of course the clan had noticed it and offered their help, but for now she had blocked every of their attempts to make her talk.
She was really in in deep depression...
Hudson watched Elisa through the open door, shaking his head. The lass worried him. Since that night a week ago, she had withdrawn into herself, not letting any of them in. Goliath had some theories why: that she was unable to cope with the psychological changes that came along with her transformation.
And he had to admit, it could be true. Hatchings were teached again and again, starting when they just have started to talk, how to control their emotions. Two years of teaching resulting in them being able to keep themselves in check. What humans sometimes saw as slightly agressive behaviour of a gargoyle in a stresing situation, was actually pretty good controlled. But Elisa was thrown into this from one night to the next, and now she was confused and scared.
Understandable... ,Hudson thought, humans not need so good self-control. She has the willpower and strength, but lacks the training how to do it right.
If Elisa wouldn't ask them for help soon, it would result in more problems.
The trio was also in a very dampened mood, Elisa's depression was really affecting the whole clan. The first week had been so promising, with Elisa being her usual self, but now it seemed that she had only lied to herself. Her current state was how she really felt. It was sobering.
They had offered to help her, but she had shut them out, said that it was no big issue. She was clearly embarressed of her fears.
They felt helpless, seeing their friend slowly destroy herself. They themselves knew how hard it could be sometimes to keep themselves in check, so Elisa's problem was not alien to them. Actually her problem would be bigger, because even the concept was unknown to her.
Brooklyn, Broadway and Lexington really hoped that their friend would overcome herself and ask the clan for help.
Goliath suffered the worst under Elisa's deep depression. Actually her suffered together with her. It had come excatly as he had feared. All the pain she had surpressed was now coming back and she drowned herself in fears and worries, killing herself from the inside.
He had no means to look into her head, but he was quite sure that only now the whole impact of her transformation had hit her. Combined with the fear that she could really loose herself to her anger, it had thrown her into a emotional black hole.
Maybe he should ask her relatives for help? Yes, that sounded like a good idea. It was still early evening, and the clan was yet to start patroling. They would be surely still up, and would listen to the problem they had with their eldest daughter.
Elisa was currently not patroling with them and Bronx would stay with her in the clock tower. Hopefully he would get some advice how to help her.
...half a hour later...
"I know Bronx, but I cannot carry you yet..." Elisa reminded Bronx. "You can watch over him while I'm out."
Putting Cagney in front of Bronx, Elisa turned to leave the clock tower. She knew, the gargoyle beast and the cat were getting along well enough. She now finally had time alone and she really needed to get out of the clock tower. She felt nearly trapped in there.
She just wanted to get away from everyone, have some time REALLY alone, and that included the clan's pets. All these days of being in this totally black depression and brooding in the clock tower had resulted in her getting slightly claustrophobic. She wanted to go somewhere else with her sorrow. Maybe it would bring her mind to think about other things.
Without looking back, Elisa left and glided to a part of New York the clan wasn't patroling tonight.
...in the Maza residence...
"...and we have no idea how to get her out of this depression. It is as if she even wants to slowly kill herself from within. We can see her pain, but she still not wants us to help her."
Goliath indeed had met them before they had wanted to call it a day. And the more he had told them how Elisa had fared in the last week, the more they looked concerned about her.
"I'm clueless how to proceed now." Goliath ended then waited what they would tell him.
"Well...", Diane fianlly said after nearly a minute, "I fear there is nothing you can do. Elisa needs to get over her herself and ask you for help. She is extremly stubborn, always wants to solve things on her own. I can very good remember the time after she was shot..."
"Yeah, how could we forget that?" Peter added. "She was so determined to get on her feet and do things by herself, that she had nearly risked more injury. Only after nearly breaking her leg in the process, she asked us to help her in that time... She won't accept your help until she actually wants it from you."
Goliath not like the idea, that Elisa needed to be really desperate before she would finally ask them to help her getting though this. "I don't really like that idea... I can't stand it to see her suffering."
Peter grimaced. "I don't like it either, but trying to force her to accept your help will only make it worse. She would get all defensive."
"I made that error years ago when she had problems with her then boyfriend. I shouldn't have done that, I was at the recieveing end of her anger for nearly a month after that." Diane added, obviously to point out that forcing Elisa to accept help was a bad idea.
Goliath felt helpless, they had told him to wait! But he had no choice, they knew her much better then he did. "I can only hope that she will ask us for help before she does something harsh or stupid..."
...above southern Manhattan...
"You know, Elisa scares me a bit. She is so silent and brooding now, that you could think she is now a completly different person!" Brooklyn said while the trio patroled oer the financial destrict.
"Well, in some sense she IS now a different person." Lex threw in. "Physical. But in her soul she is still herself. Only...well, her body now gives her commands she isn't either prepared nor fully aware of."
"And now she is afraid of herself..." Broadway added.
"Well, you would be too, if you have to cope with the fact that you could go berserk and still lack the needed control to prevent that." Brooklyn said while landing on the south tower of the WTC. The others followed suit. "She isn't sure what to think about herself anymore. She feel like a stranger to herself. So much I can guess."
"Yeah, and we can't do anything against it, expect waiting for her to open up to us." Broadway added.
Lex then looked as if expecting someone stepping on his tail. "I think she will more likely open up to Goliath than to us. You know..."
"Don't remind me Lex!" Brooklyn nearly barked at him. His own frustration showing a little. Getting himself back under control, he hoped to get around issues like that in the future.
The others not dared to lead the concersation again into that direction. They not wanted to anger their second in command, knowing really good why he had nearly snapped at Lex. They were themselves in that situation.
But Brooklyn had it especially hard. Back in Wyvern, he had been the most wanted male, the females nearly begging him to pick one of them. Also Brookly was always higher on hormones, with bad reults now. Making him extremely agressive, as soon as the topic confronted him.
No, they not wanted him to get angry.
This had not helped! Now I only think even more about it!
Elisa's frustration was reaching a new peak. Despite gliding around for already nearly a hour, she hadn't calmed down a bit. Being totally alone had only helped her being even more depressive.
Finally she had enough and landed on a rooftop. Well, she actually nearly crashed on it, landing still not yet her stong point in gliding. Sitting on the edge of the roof, she had her face in her hands, feeling miserable.
Why can't you get a grip on yourself, Maza? She cursed herself. Unable to do anything, except making yourself comfortable in feeling miserable. I'm disgusted of myself...
While she knew the source of her pain, she still was too proud to ask the clan for help. If she couldn't manage this by helself, she thought then others couldn't help also. Her goddamned pride again. It had brought her some trouble in her life, but now it was the worst. It made her angry against herself, and caused her feeling scared then, because feeling angry was, what she not wanted to get, making her feel even worse.
She again felt her holstered gun between her shirt and jacket. She hadn't used it since her transformation because she had no need to, and because she had only one spare clip. If this would continue, she maybe would become nuts and...
No, she wouldn't even think about this possibility! Suicide was never a option, she had no right to do this, to burden the clan with the guilt.
Shit, I should ask Goliath to lock my weapon away, before I do something stupid with it, before I...
"Shut up, bitch!"
That came from the side alley below! Elisa was yanked out of her thoughts when she heared this, and she felt the urge to help whoever was in trouble down there. It had to be this protection instict. At least this one was good, and actually not scared her. She looked over the edge of the roof.
A man wearing a ski-mask was trying to rob a woman in the alley. He had obviously slapped her hard, because she was down on the floor, and he had an knife. Elisa not thought long about it.
She simply jumped over the edge of the roof, down directly on the mugger, knocking him out and to the ground in one move! However her pride of victory was short lived, when the woman screamed again, this time that there was a monster. Elisa was about to get annoyed. She had just rescued her, and now this was what she got as reward! But her anger died when she looked to the woman.
The woman was actually a friend of her. They knew each other since high school and had regular contact with each other. But now she only looked scared of Elisa, clearly not recognising her.
"Andrea...?" Elisa managed to breathe, but that obviously was a error.
"Ahhhhh! This monster knows my name! Stay the fuck away from me!" Then, without looking back, Andera ran away from Elisa, leaving her alone with the knocked out mugger.
Elisa stared after her until she had vanished in a side street, mouth open in shock over her reaction and eyes wide in ugly surprise.
Elisa felt the pit of her stomach turning around, and she thew up into a trash bin. The shock of a old friend of hers simply not recognising her, instead running away in terror, was a hard blow. Weak on her legs, she just managed to climb out the ladder of the fire escape, before collapsing on the roof.
She felt like kicked into her guts, like a beaten dog. This encounter the ultimate proof that she couldn't return to the human world anymore. She was now a object of fear.
I'm a freak for them! Something to fear or hate... or kill.
Elisa felt something wanted to burst out of her, but it wouldn't be here. She now only wanted to return to the clock tower. There was one person she wanted to be with now. Taking off, gliding was much more difficult for her, but with sheer will she managed to take course back to Manhattan.
...the clock tower, 20 minutes later...
Goliath had returned from the Maza home, only to find Elisa gone. She had also left her communicator on the table, making it impossible to reach her this way. Goliath felt fear rise in him. What if Elisa had left to really do something rash? What if she thought she was a burden for the clan and left them for good?
Goliath just wanted to run on the balcony to start looking for her, when someone landed outside the door. Elisa came in, looking a bit pale and as if she had seen something horrible.
"Elisa...?" Goliath was taken aback of her appearance.
She not said anything, walked up in front of him. For long seconds she simply stared into his eyes. And then she did something which Goliath had not expected. She collapsed against him, held tight on him, and then ...she cried.
Stunned Goliath couldn't do anything else then holding her while her tears formed a stream. Regardless what had happened, it had broken down the wall Elisa had build to push away the pain and the changes that came with her transformation. Everything she had held back now came out, and Goliath was sure, now she wanted help.
Wrapping his wings around both of the he tried to comfort her as best as he could while Elisa continued to cry.
...a hour later...
The trio finally returned from their patrol. It was really eventless, no criminal activity in their sector that night. Chatting among themselves, they went inside... and stopped when greeted with a really unusual sight.
Goliath was holding Elisa in a embracement, trying to calm her, while she said something to him in a shakey voice. Something seemed to have scared her, and there was always a slight tremble going through her. Goliath tried to soothe her, using gentle words to calm her down. From time to time a tear escaped her reddened eyes, obviously she had cried a lot.
Wordless they went down until they were beside them. Finally they noticed the trio, and Elisa seemed to be slightly embarressed, and let go of Goliath. Instead she let herself fall into the armchair, caped her wings and closed her eyes, tried to get herself together.
Goliath saw the questions coming from the stares the young clanmembers gave him. "While Elisa was out, something had happened. She can't hold up any longer, she wants us to help her. She actually said she NEEDS us to help her."
Walking over to her, he held her hand. "You are never alone... The clan is like family, and we will be always there for you. Even in darkest night..."
...three days later...
Elisa again stat on the railing of the balcony and carressed Cagney. But this time she was in a far better mood. Her depression was starting to fade away, making room for her true self to slowly emerge again.
It was as if a burden was taken from her. While she still knew that she had to go a way before she would get her emotions under control, she not longer was scared. While a hatching would need two years to learn control, she as a adult could mange faster. In the last three days she had talked a lot with the clan, accepted every help they could offer her. The last shock had shattered her stupid pride, making her seek for help.
She also was quite aware what she had all lost, and the pain would never fade away totally. But she knew now that drowing herself in it was not a solution. She had to go on with her life, learn to accept what she had become.
She would need time for that, but she had finally started to heal the wounds that were inficted on her soul. True, some scars would remain, but they would not rule her life.
She then heared the clan ready themselves for patrol. She had not been with them on patrol for over a week now, and she felt in way that she needed to do her duty. That was again this gargoyle nature of protection, it reminded her what her propose was. Yes, she should come with them.
Carrying her cat inside, she couldn't wait to finally start again to serve and to protect.
High Noon (on Midnight)