This Is All Your Fault
A Yu-Gi-Oh Oneshot by Azurite
azurite AT fanfiction DOT net
azurite DOT incandesce DOT org

Completed: March 19th, 2005

This is a response to Challenge #1 on the LiveJournal community thefirstline and is also a response to a challenge from Mamono to write a fic with... well, you'll see.

I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh, the characters, or any cards mentioned herein. This is a not-for-profit work of entertainment.

"I cannot believe I let you talk me into this!"

"It's your own fault, Mazaki. You're the one who showed me that card," Kaiba responded calmly, keeping a firm grip on the controls. Anzu wailed from behind him, kicking his chair and jerking him forward a few centimeters. With such precious space between Kaiba and the controls, the sudden motion angered him a lot more than it would have, if say, they'd been in a classroom. Of course, if she'd kicked his chair in class, he would have done the exact same thing right back to her, and grinned maniacally when she landed flat on her bottom.

"I didn't think you'd react like this!"

A beat.

"Okay, I had an idea you'd act like this, but why the heck are you dragging me along for the ride?"

It was obvious by now that Mazaki didn't have much fondness for small, enclosed spaces-- especially small, enclosed spaces with narrow seats that were a few thousand kilometers in the air.

"You showed me the card," Kaiba repeated, exasperation creeping into his voice.

"You could have just taken it--" Anzu started, but before she could finish, Kaiba interrupted.

"You wouldn't have let me."

"Oh, so the high-and-mighty Seto Kaiba knows me , little, unimportant Anzu Mazaki so well?"

He could always say she wasn't exactly little (at least, in certain respects...) and she was important-- if just as a means to an end. But that would probably result in a painful introduction to the switchboard, undoubtedly crushing his hand and everything below his hips right into the controls. Not a good idea.

"I saw the way you were grinning when you showed me that card," Kaiba began. "You were grinning like a hyena."

Anzu didn't respond-- a signal that meant he was right, and she just didn't want to admit it.

"Could you blame me?" Anzu finally asked. Kaiba didn't even have to look in the glass reflecting Anzu's face. He knew she was smiling again. No, grinning like a hyena . For a girl that played the cute and innocent card far too often to be healthy, she sure had a way of being unnerving with her evil smiles.

Sometimes Kaiba wondered if she was more vicious than even he was.

'Aren't all women?'


"Kaibaman, Kaibaman... does whatever a Kaiba can..." Anzu started to sing.

Kaiba grit his teeth together in frustration. "Shut it Mazaki, or I'm going to eject you out of your seat and into the stratosphere."

"I don't believe you would. The suction at this altitude would suck you out too, and you're not wearing your gravity-defying coat to act as a parachute."


She stopped singing anyway, for which Kaiba was grateful, but brought the whole issue of why he'd suddenly ordered his private Blue Eyes White Jet for an emergency flight to San Francisco. He had a bone to pick with Pegasus for the creation of one of his latest super-rare cards-- known only as "Kaibaman."

If the name itself weren't bad enough, the creature depicted on the front wore a coat that looked startlingly familiar, the only difference between it and Kaiba in his favored Battle City outfit being the red plate armor on the effect monster's chest. The creature had two muscular arms encased in black sleeves, steel bands wrapped around the biceps. A pair of "Batman"-style gloves complete with spikes and an overly large, shining silver belt-buckle almost completed the look. The finishing touches came in the white, dragon's head helmet on the man's head, and the meters of brownish-red hair spilling from the rear of the helmet. And last but not least, his HANDS.

'That's MY way of holding cards,' Kaiba growled to himself. A single card, thrust perfectly between the index and middle fingers of the right hand. It was a trademark pose Kaiba perfected for whenever he made a winning draw.

And it was another cruel way of poking fun at him, considering the monster was otherwise very weak. But if you sacrificed the monster, you could automatically special summon a Blue-Eyes White Dragon from your hand.

Since he possessed every Blue-Eyes White Dragon in existence, the card was pretty much meant for him. It would actually be quite handy in his deck, but...

If he ever summoned it, he'd look like a complete fool.

The card looked like him gone wild. An idiot in a Halloween costume.

Pegasus could NOT be forgiven.

In truth, the minute he'd seen the card, his reaction had been first to blink, check that he hadn't misread anything... ensure the card was real and legitimate (it was-- Kaiba noticed the holographic logo in the corner. He could have made sure there was the required chip between the card layers, to make the cards compatible with his Duel Disk systems, but that would involve summoning the creature in front of his classmates. He had no intention of doing that and humiliating himself).

Then he twitched.

A second later, he'd grabbed Anzu by the wrist and dragged her out of the classroom, the girl kicking and screaming the whole way. She hadn't stopped, even when he'd forcibly stuffed her into the passenger seat of his jet. He hadn't really talked her into anything. All he'd said was that it was her fault for showing him the card in the first place. It was a super-rare card for Pete's sake-- not even Yuugi had seen it before.

Jounouchi and Honda both exploded with laughter when Anzu showed it to them, and they'd forced her to go and show it to Kaiba. He hadn't been paying the fools the least bit of attention (except a single moment to remember that Yuugi and his friends were a bunch of idiots, and since when did Mazaki duel? Since when did she buy cards for herself?) until Mazaki thrust the card out to him. But she kept her fingers on it the whole time. Had Kaiba so much as lifted a finger, she probably would have shoved the card down her shirt for him to never see again.

Even then, he probably would have done the same thing-- picked her up and carried her out to the airfield, dragging her on a 3,000 mile flight to San Francisco.

No harm, no foul, right? But she'd shown him the card. Therefore it was her fault, she was responsible, and she'd be confronting Pegasus right with him.

It was probably a set-up. Some sort of conspiracy theory. How else would Mazaki have gotten the card, and not some nameless duelist in the southern half of the country? Or heck, some goofy American duelist? They would have looked at the card oddly, proclaimed it useless, and either sold it or packed it away in their binders until it collected dust and was forgotten about.

But MAZAKI of all people had gotten ahold of it. Mazaki and no one else-- which meant it was a plant, it had to be, and shouldn't she be just as angry as Kaiba was? But she wasn't-- she was giggling like crazy all the time, thinking Kaiba's reaction "cute."

He shuddered. Him, "cute?" He wasn't Mokuba. Girls like to fawn over Mokuba and call him "cute." Mokuba seemed to like that, so Seto accepted it. But HIM, cute?

If it weren't such a darn blasted good card, he would have ripped the thing to shreds. And then he wouldn't be in this position, in a small, tiny space with Mazaki alternately singing her own rendition of the Spiderman theme and constantly reminding him of how "cute" this whole thing was. Maybe taking her along wasn't such a good idea. But Seto Kaiba never took back any of his decisions. He was never at fault for anything. No, he simply couldn't be. He was too smart to let himself fall into such a ridiculous trap, getting stuck with Mazaki like this of his own volition.


'Pegasus,' Kaiba gritted, 'This is ALL your fault!'

He pressed the controls further forward, igniting the engines in the rear of the jet to full throttle. They sped across the sky and toward San Francisco, and Industrial Illusions headquarters.

And every hour, nearly on the hour, Anzu predictably wailed, "I cannot believe I let you talk me into this!"

Kaiba only smirked.

If that was rather nonsensical, it was meant to be. Mamono challenged me to write a fic with Kaibaman (shortly before Valentine's Day, I think), and since thefirstline was just getting started back then, I used that as the basis. Now that I think about it, I could easily write an Azureshipping/Valentine's Day oneshot along the same lines, but... XX I have too much to do already. Maybe some other time-- like next year? Heh.

No, I don't know what Kaiba would really say to Pegasus if he ever actually saw that card. It would be funny to imagine though, right?