Chapter 80

Harm returned to Mac's cubicle, where he found her awake and looking for him. "Hey," he said, pulling the chair close and taking her hand.

"Hi," she smiled. "You look terrible, Sailor."

He nodded. "It's been awhile since I slept. How're you feeling?"

"Sore. Tired, but I'll be okay," she said. "How's Lucy?"

"She's...upset," admitted Harm. "She misses you."

"I miss her. Is it a good day otherwise?" Mac asked, nothing a match for her mother's radar.

"Not really," he said, rubbing his free hand over his face again. "The port is infected again, and she's not sleeping, so she's feeling all the pain that she sometimes sleeps through when you're there. I'm doing my best, but..."

"I know you are," Mac smiled and rubbed his hand. "You missed a lot of time with her because of work. I know you are here every spare minute…Has Mic been by?"

"He was here this morning," Harm replied.

"Was he?" Mac asked. "He didn't come to see me did he?"

"Sort of, yeah, said Harm. "When I found him, he was in front of the nursery, raising holy hell over seeing 'his son and his son's mother', and when I questioned him as to how he even knew you were here or that the baby had been born, he said something about calling you every morning to check in, and when you didn' answer he knew you were here, either with Lucy or you had the baby."

"I bet he thought it was Lucy and was coming to chew me out," she sighed. "Did he get to see him?"

"Eventually," said Harm through a yawn. "After I knocked him flat on his ass for speaking ill of you and Lucy, AJ showed up and set us both straight. By then, Matthew was hungry so the nurse came to get me so I could feed him. After that, I took him out for Mic and AJ to get a look at."

"Did AJ like him?" Mac asked face shining with pride.

"Of course," smiled Harm. "He was a little, uh, surprised, but yeah, he loves the little guy."

"And you?" Mac asked. "Do you love him Harm?"

He looked into her eyes. "Of course I do. The more I hold him and talk to him, the more I know he really is mine; he's ours."

Mac sighed and shifted position a little bit. "Is he?"

"Well...yeah," replied Harm, "at least, you said he is, and he does have my eyes... You are sure he's mine, aren't you, Mac?"

"That's not what I mean," Mac sighed. "He's ours biologically but...what happens now?"

"You mean with us," said Harm, the weariness making his mind far less sharp than usual. "I...I guess I don't really know. I think that since Lucy's illness we have been able to put a lot of the pettiness aside, but there is still a lot of anger and hurt left for both of us. I want to be in you life again and in my children's lives even more than I am now.

"I want you to be in our lives again. We both make so many mistakes, you know?" she practically whispered.

"I do," he answered softly. "God, Mac, I just…I am so tired I can barely think straight. I just know I need to be involved in your life and Lucy's, DJ's, and Matthew's and not just in hospital rooms and on weekends."

"I know I need you to be a part of it, I'm just not sure how to go about that yet," she sighed. "You are right you are too tired and I hurt too much to think about it right now. What did he do to me? I was cut, I know I was."

Harm realized then that he hadn't told her about the surgery, and since she was asking, there was no reason to delay. "He...he did cut you," said Harm gently. "He had to in order to get in to where you were bleeding. He did everything he could do to stop the bleeding, but your uterus ruptured during the delivery, and there wasn't anything he could do to save it. I'm sorry, Mac."

"So it's finally come to that," she sighed. "I knew it would. Did I lose you know...everything?"

He nodded. "There was no alternative. It was that or let you bleed to death."

She nodded but said nothing more. He knew they'd have to deal with it eventually but for now Mac had other goals. "I want to see my babies, all of them."

"I bet you do," he said with a tired smile. "Dr. Bradley is seeing if Dr. Jacobson will let you room with Lucy, and if he does, I can bring Matthew in to see you both."

"Then I want you to go home and get some rest," she said firmly.

"I'm fine," he assured her. "I'll be sure to sleep well tonight is all."

Mac didn't have the energy to argue with Harm. She knew that it would be futile to do so anyway, he was still just as hard headed as ever. So was quiet for a few minutes then asked, "Harm, did we kiss last night?

He nodded slightly, still holding onto her hand. "We did."

"Did you mean it?" she asked. "Or was it a goodbye kiss?"

He looked her in the eyes, unable to answer right away. Finally, the answer came. "Both."

"Prove it," she whispered and continued to hold his gaze.

Rising from his chair beside the bed, he leaned over her and placed his lips against hers, very gently at first, but the more time that passed, the more intense the kiss became. Eventually, he pulled back. "God, I've missed that," he whispered.

"So did I," Mac replied. "I know it's true what you said now."

"It really is," he said softly. "I need you back in my life, Mac. I need us to put the past behind us and build a future together, like we promised each other we'd do the first time around."

Mac's only response was a tearful nod.

Harm left her alone to rest some more while he went to check in on baby Matthew. As he approached the elevator, he was met by none other than Mic Brumby.

"What're you doing back here?" asked Harm as he pressed the elevator button. "Feel the need for a second ass kicking today?"

"I want a paternity test," Mic declared. "And I want to see Sarah."

"Leave her alone, Mic," said Harm firmly. "She's in no shape to deal with you right now. You want a paternity test, you'll get one, but you're not going to go near her until she's out of here and decides she's ready to see you."

"We'll see about that," Mic replied. "You're not her husband anymore."

"And you never were," said Harm, his eyes growing wide with anger once again. "I'm her next-of-kin, and I'm calling the shots here. You can't see her, end of discussion."

Mic backed off, "All right," he said aloud. In his head though he said, "We'll see about that."

"Go home, Brumby," said Harm. "You've got no business here." He heard the elevator bell sound just then, and he looked towards the doors to see Dr. Bradley stepping off.

"Harm," he sighed as he approached. "I've just come from Lucy's room."

"And?" asked Harm, hoping for a good report but fearing the opposite.

"Dr. Jacobson was hesitant to allow Sarah to be moved to Lucy's room, given the child's condition..." he began.

"But Lucy's condition is due in part to not being near her mother," sighed Harm. "Did he outright forbid it?"

"He's concerned about excitement given her temperature and her back pains, but I...I made him stand outside the room for ten minutes and made him listen to her cry for her mother. As soon as he's finished cleaning her port we can move her upstairs. I'll release the baby for rooming in, if you stay with them tonight," Dr. Bradley replied.

"Deal," said Harm. "Sarah wanted me to go home and sleep, but if I have to stay here for their sake, no question I'll do it. Thank you, doctor. This means more than you know."

"You're little one is going to hate that man upstairs with her in a few minutes," Dr. Bradley told him.

"I know," replied Harm. "Should I go in there, or is this one of those things where the parents should come in when it's over and do the comforting?" Harm hadn't been there when Dr. Jacobson had cleaned Lucy's port before, Mac had done that.

"He's cleaning her port Harm," Dr. Bradley replied. He didn't know what little experience Harm had with the medical aspect of Lucy's cancer.

"Okay..." replied the exhausted father. "Bear with me, doc, I'm trying to keep a half dozen ships afloat at once on no sleep. Should I go to her or not?"

"Your friend is in there with her," the doctor replied. "Do you know what it means to clean an infected chemo port?"

Harm shook his head. "It doesn't sound good."

"He has to use solution to clean out the infected material burns. If you have...Let me put it like don't want to be there now, but I think you might need to be," the doctor replied.

"Okay," said Harm, looking around as he prepared to press the elevator button again and realizing that Mic had disappeared. "Where'd he go?"

"Where'd who go?" Dr. Bradley asked Harm.

"The man who was standing right here when you stepped off the elevator" said Harm, suddenly giving thought to where Mic had likely slithered away to. "He wouldn't dare..." muttered Harm, taking off towards the ICU.

While Harm was talking with the doctor Mac lay resting in her bed. She heard footsteps next to her bed and smiled, "Harm?"

"It's not Harm, Love," Mic replied as he stood near her.

"What are you doing in here?" she asked.

"I wanted to see you," Mic replied. "I had to wait until Harm was busy with the doctor. How do you feel?"

"Sore and tired, and...what do you mean you had to wait until Harm was..." She began to feel uneasy about this. "Does Harm know you're here?"

"No," Mic replied. "He warned me off you. He delivers the baby and he thinks you're his again. But you're not."

"Wait a minute," said Mac, her voice rising. "I'm 'his' far more than I was ever 'yours', that is if we must speak about me like I'm some sort of inanimate object who can be owned!"

"That's what he does, is it not?" Mic asked. "Why...The baby? Is what he said true?"

"That would depend on what he said," answered Mac, her pain coming on stronger the longer this went on.

"That the baby you were carrying, the pregnancy that I nursed you through, was caused by him? That that little boy is his. Is that true?" Mic asked.

She drew in a sharp breath. "It is, Mic. Matthew isn't your son, he's Harm's."

"So I did it for nothing?" he asked.

"If by 'nothing' you mean you did it for a child who wasn't yours," said Mac. "Then yes, I guess you did it for nothing."

"So all of the time, all of the nights I held you while you cried about the pain, all of the times I drove the kids around, all of the nights I sat here instead of you or Harm with Lucy and listened to her whining..."

"For God's sake Mic, you only did that once and anyway, she's just a child and she's fighting for her life! You're more selfish than I thought if you can begrudge that little girl for crying out in pain! " Mac hissed.

"She's spoiled Sarah, so is DJ, and that's Harm's fault," he shot at her. "So what now? Are you going to marry him again, or be his little slut?"

"I don't know if I'll marry him or not," she shot back. "But don't you ever call me a slut again!"

"I'm sorry, my feelings are just hurt," he sighed.

"Yeah, I imagine they are. What I did was wrong, I know that," said Mac. "Still, that doesn't give you the right to say those things."

"I just don't understand why ...why you want to throw us away when you don't know what he's going to do," Mic replied. "I took decent care of you."

"Yeah, until Lucy got sick," she said. "After that, it was all about how I was neglecting you for her, and that's what did you in, Mic. That, and..."

"Ah, Lucy!" he cut her off. "Always Lucy! You loved her more than me, more than the baby I thought was mine. It's a waste of time Sarah, she's as good as dead!"

Harm rounded the corner just in time to hear Mac tear into Mic with both hands. "You self-righteous, self-centered bastard!" she yelled as the hot tears streamed down her face. "Don't you ever say that about my little girl again! Do you hear me? I'm so glad Matthew isn't your son, I want him to be proud of his father!" She put her hands over her face and sobbed as Harm rushed into the room.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" he spat at Brumby.

"Finding out the truth," he replied. "And pointing out a few truths of my own."

He ran to Mac's side and placed his arms around her. "What did you say to her? You've got her in pieces here!"

"That's between us," Mic replied. "I'll be leaving now. I've got nothing left here."

"You're damn right you don't!" spat Harm, still trying to calm Mac down. "Don't come near us again, or I'll have you slapped with a restraining order so fast your head will spin, and that's a promise!"

"I won't come near you, at least not until the test is to be done," Mic said. "You'll be hearing from my lawyer."

"I'll look forward to it," said Harm sarcastically. "Now get the hell out of here!"

Mic thought it prudent to do just that, given the foot in mouth disease he'd just contracted. He left Harm to tend Mac and decided McMurphy's might just be the place for him.

Harm turned his full attention back to Mac, who lay sobbing against him. "I'm sorry," he whispered rocking her just gently enough to soothe. "I'm sorry. He wasn't supposed to be allowed in here."

"Its okay," she sniffed. "I think I needed to hear what he said."

"What did he say?" asked Harm, still holding her close to him.

"He said...He made me realize..." She sobbed. "We're going to lose our baby Harm. He's right."

"He's not right about anything!" insisted Harm. "Lucy is going make it, and we both know that. She's strong, she's half you and half me, and they don't come any stronger than that."

"But have you seen her?" Mac asked. "Really seen her. She's not Lucy anymore. She's lost all her hair, she can't walk...she can't feed herself...How can she fight if she can't even do those things? She's in pain all the time, Harm. All the time."

"I know," he said, feeling the emotion well up within his heart. "But she's a fighter, and one way or another, she'll beat this. I...I have to believe that, Mac."

"Well I can't believe this anymore," Mac sobbed. "I can't do it anymore. I can't. I can't!"

"Hey, it's okay" he comforted as he continued to rock back and forth slowly. "You know what? It's already time for Matthew's next bottle, so I'll go give it to him while you try and calm down from this whole mess, and then I'll go check on Lucy Bear, and if she's ready, we'll get you moved up there."

"What do you mean ready?" Mac asked concerned again about what he daughter was going through.

"Dr. Jacobson had to clean out her port," said Harm. "Once that's done, then you can go up there and room in with her. They're gonna let us have Matthew in there, too."

"She's all alone up there?' Mac asked panicked.

"No, no," said Harm. "AJ's with her; he's been there for a couple of hours."

That settled her a bit, "I'm going to nap but wake me when we go to her okay?"

Harm went down the nursery and fed the baby. Dr. Bradley found him there and told him it would be best to move Mac before dinner. The caring doctor had checked on Lucy again and reported her no better but no worse. She was still crying for her mother, and now her father too. "Let me go get Sarah. You bring Matthew up and acquaint him with his big sister."

"I'll be happy to," smiled Harm, wrapping his son in a clean blanket and making sure his little cap was on snugly before rising from the rocking chair. "Okay, Matthew Harmon," he said. "Let's go meet your sister."

Harm took great care carrying Matthew upstairs to Lucy's room. When he got there she wasn't crying any more, but she was still making pathetic little whimpers of pain. Through the doorway he was AJ sitting in the rocking chair, Lucy on his lap. He'd wrapped her in a blanket and sat rocking her. She was much paler than before and much more flushed and he prayed seeing Matthew and Mac would help her some.

"You've got a visitor, Lucy Bear," said Harm as he entered the room.

She looked at her father and smiled a little bit, but didn't speak.

"I brought your new baby brother in to see you," said Harm. "Do you want to hold him?"

Lucy nodded her head only once. "Let's put you in your bed, Lucy," AJ suggested. "You can lean against your pillow while you hold him."

Another single nod was her reply, as AJ lifted her up and moved her back to her bed, careful of the leads and wires attached to her little body.

Once settled, Harm sat on the edge of her bed and carefully laid Matthew into Lucy's arms. The baby made a soft little squeaking sound as his father looked on.

"He's big," Lucy said softly. "Is that why he hurt Mommy?"

Harm nodded. "Yeah, Button, it sure is."

"When can I see her?" Lucy asked. "Can I go like Dr. Jake said maybe?"

"Harm?" AJ spoke. "I'm going to relieve Bud on DJ duty. Good luck."

"Okay, AJ," said Harm. "As always, thanks..."

AJ nodded and left the hospital room a little choked up.

"You know what, Luce?" asked Harm. "Mommy is going come up to see you, and she'll get to stay in here with you for awhile. She can sleep in here and everything."

"Really?" Lucy asked. "Is she better?"

"She's not all better just yet," he said, adjusting Matthew's head in Lucy's tiny arm. "But she's enough better to come stay with you. Does that make you happy?"

Lucy shook her head, "This is a not happy day, Daddy."

His heart sank at his child's words. "I'm sorry, baby. Maybe tomorrow will be a happy day, huh?"

"I don't think so," she sighed. "Daddy?"

"What, sweetie?" he replied.

"Can you take me home?" she asked big blue eyes wide.

"Not yet, baby girl," he said, wishing at that moment he had the super powers his daughter used to think he had. "You have to stay here so the doctors can make you all better."

"I don't want to do this anymore," she frowned. "I want to go home."

"I know you do," he said. "I wish we could all go home; you and Mommy and Matthew, and we could pick up DJ from Uncle AJ's house, and all go home and watch a movie and eat popcorn, but we can't do that yet." Not only could they not leave the hospital, but there remained the issue of Harm moving back into the family home, something neither he or Mac were ready for yet.

"Hey," Mac smiled just then as Dr. Bradley wheeled her in. "Does someone want her Mommy?"

Lucy smiled when she heard her mother's voice. Mac returned it, "Do you want to come see me."

"I'll move you over, okay, Butter? asked Harm, taking Matthew from Lucy's arms and laying him on the bed and picking Lucy up carefully. "Sit very still, okay, Lucy?" he said as he lowered the child onto her mother's bed."

Lucy nodded, not really up to moving much. Mac wrapped her arms around Lucy and kissed the top of her head. "Mommy's here now, Baby. How do you feel?"

"I hurt," she said softly. "But I don't miss you anymore."

Mac continued to rock her just a tiny bit, "Where's the hurt, Baby?"

"My back" replied the little girl. "Dr. Jake hurt me."

"How did he hurt you, Honey?" Mac asked brushing a gentle hand across Lucy's fiery forehead as Harm looked on rocking Matthew.

"He had to clean out my port," said Lucy softly. "It hurt a lot. Uncle AJ held my hand."

"He did?" Mac smiled. "Were a brave girl? Were you Mommy's Marine?"

"No," said the child, beginning to cry. "I couldn't be; you weren't here."

"Ssh," Mac crooned. "I'm here now, Baby. Mommy's here. Mommy's here."

After a few minutes of gentle rocking and whispers of reassurance, Lucy finally drifted off to sleep. "Want me to put her in her bed?" asked Harm as he held onto Matthew. "You need to get to know this little guy."

"Okay," Mac replied. "She's burning up."

"I know," he said, laying the baby down at the foot of Lucy's bed so he could move her from Mac's. "She's on antibiotics for the infections, but it'll take a bit of time." He moved Lucy into bed without waking her, and covered her up before picking up Matthew and handing him to Mac. "Here you go," he said with a smile.

Mac made a tiny sound of pleasure, "Look at you. Oh, hello, Baby. Hello!"

"Mac," said Harm, "I haven't...I mean, I...thank you, for giving him to me."

"My pleasure, Sailor," Mac smiled. "You really don't remember making him?"

He shook his head. "No, but I know you do."

"Do you want to come home Harm?" Mac asked as she studied their son's face.

"I...It's..." stammered Harm, searching for the right words. "I want to come home, Mac. I want us to try again at the life I screwed up for us the first time, but at the same time I think it would be mistake to…Neither of us is ready to live in the same house together again yet."

She nodded, "I know. So what do we do?"

"Well," he began as Matthew started to wiggle a little, opening his eyes to look into those of his mother. "I was thinking...we should date. We never got to do that, and I'd really like to."

"Date? But what about the kids?" Mac asked.

"We'll get a sitter, Mac," he replied with a little smile. "What do you say?"

"I say yes and no," Mac replied. "We get a sitter some days, but others...others you stay with us, and we eat and watch TV together. How's that sound?" She asked as little Matthew let out his first real grunt.

"I think it sounds wonderful," he agreed. "I think the speed…We have to make sure we do it right this time, that we learn from our mistakes." Mac nodded but the smile on her face faded quickly.

"Are you okay?" Harm asked seeing the change in her expression.

"I think so..." Mac smiled. "I'm just so sad..."

"About what?" he asked, a look of concern on his face.

"I missed everything...holding him and tell me about him?" Mac asked. "How big and tell me everything."

"Let's see," began Harm. "He weighed in at 9 pounds, 5 ounces, he's1 21 and a half inches long, and he's perfectly healthy. He's got my eyes for sure, but his coloring is definitely yours, as is his temperament and his appetite."

Mac smiled, "I'm glad he has Rabb eyes. I love Rabb eyes."

Harm smiled in reply. "Well, all of our kids have them, must be those dominant Rabb genes."

"You wish, Flyboy," Mac smiled and yawned. "Are you staying the night?"

He nodded as Matthew started to fuss, "Uh-oh," he said. "Someone's unhappy."

"Think he's hungry?" Mac asked. "I don't think I have milk."

"Yeah, he's hungry," Harm confirmed, he'd heard that sound enough already. "Try if you want to, there might be more there than you think, but if not, I'll go get some bottles from the nursery and you can feed him anyway."

Mac smiled and pulled back her gown, fitting Matthew's mouth to her breast.

The baby squirmed and wiggled within his mother's embrace, unsure of what he was being offered. She tried a few times before looking up at Harm with tears in her eyes. "Go get him a bottle."

"He might be confused. Try again," he encouraged. "She didn't nurse easily either, not a first."

Mac did as he suggested, trying again to get Matthew to accept her, once more meeting the infant's rejection in the form of a strong newborn wail. She looked up at Harm again and shook her head. "He won't do it."

Harm knew how much nursing meant to Mac so he sat down and touched his son's head, "Hey, now. She's got what you want in there. Let's make this easy on Mommy and Daddy, okay? That's some good stuff in there." To Mac, "One more time. He'll do it. I know it."

Swallowing hard, Mac tired one final time to get their son to latch on and nurse. Again, he fussed and squirmed, and then, it all seemed to click. He took to her like he'd never known anything else, and nursed wholeheartedly. Mac looked down at him and then over at his father, smiling as the tears fell from her face.

"Just like before, huh?" he said with a smile.

"Not really," she said with a small frown showing through her smile.

Harm looked puzzled. "How come?"

"Because this time there's nothing to dream about," she sighed.

"Oh, Mac," he said softly, rubbing her shoulder as he spoke. "I know it'll be hard to accept that you can't ever have any more babies, but try not to let that steal away the joy over this little guy's arrival. There was a time when having him seemed impossible, but he's here and...he's ours, yours and mine, just like he should be. Let's get past the here and now and enjoy everything we can, and then, together we can work on...accepting the changes we've been hit with in the past 48 hours."

"I didn't want them to do that Harm, you knew that," Mac said starting to tear up. "Why did you let him?"

"It wasn't up to me," he said gently. "No one came and asked me anything other than who your OB was; once you went to surgery, no one asked me anything. Dr. Bradley said there was so much damage and so much bleeding that he had to either do what he did, or try to repair things and let you bleed to death on the table in front of him. They didn't let me have any say in it, but if they'd come to me with those options...I would've told them to go ahead and take it all out. I'd have hated it, but I would've hated losing you so much more."

Mac cuddled baby Matthew closer to her, "It was that bad then?"

"It was," he said solemnly. "He said your uterus was almost torn in two, right down the middle. Guess that explains why pushing him out hurt so much, and it definitely explains all the bleeding afterwards."

"It would explain what I dreamt then too," she sighed and ran her finger down the babies cheek to dislodge him. "Want to burp him?"

"You don't want to?" he asked.

"I'm getting tired," she replied. "I need to lie back for a bit."

"Okay, sure," he said, reaching over to take his son into his arms. "What did you dream about?" he asked as he rubbed gentle circles against Matthew's back.

"I think...we were in the bathroom and I was laying on ours coats and you told me…you still loved me. It was a beautiful dream."

He was quiet for a moment. "Um...that...that wasn't just a dream."

"No?" she asked raising her eyebrows. "I know you said you want to come home but can you still love me after what I did to you? After what we did to each other?"

"Do you still love me?" he asked.

"I think so," Mac replied. "I know so."

He nodded and continued rubbing the baby's little back. "We did and said some terrible things to each other, and soon after I got back to D.C. everything started to happen so fast we never really got to deal with much of it" He shifted Matthew a bit. "I never stopped loving you, Mac. Never."

"That's good," she smiled. "I never stopped loving you either, but…I agree we can't Just hit rewind. We have three innocent children in this and we have to this right."

He smiled at her, just a little one, playful and romantic, "Yes, we do and I cannot think of a better way than doing it the opposite of the way we did it before. Slow and steady."

Mac smiled her agreement and studied Harm as he held Matthew. The little baby so easily snuggled into his father's chest it almost seem for a moment like everything was perfect, like it should be. Harm's voice and words reminded her that it wasn't.

"Last night could've ended so many ways, you know? I was so sacred, Mac, for you and for him. I didn't know he was mine, but I knew he was yours, and I was scared for him."

"I wouldn't let him die, Harm. Didn't you wonder why I only hemorrhaged once he was out? I think I willed it, I felt the rip so much earlier but...I wouldn't let him die," she said. "The only thing that matters was that he made it. I didn't care if I died as long as he made it."

Harm studied his new little boy. "What if you'd...what if you never got to tell me he was mine?"

"You'd have known, Harm," Mac replied. "There is no father that is as connected with his babies as you are. You'd have held him once and you would have known."

He thought for a moment. "I think you're right, but I thank God we'll never know."

Mac smiled and tried to shift her body, a movement that caused a cry of pain as she pulled her tender skin about her abdomen.

"You okay?" he asked, deeply concerned.

"I'm in a bit of pain, but I'm okay," Mac replied the looked over at Lucy who'd begun to toss about in her sleep. "Is she okay?"

"I don't know," he said. "Should I push her button again?"

"You know how to check her for pain?" Mac asked moving again.

He shook his head. "Tell me."

"Well if she's moving like that it's either a nightmare or a leg spasm so run your hands over her legs. If they feel normal then it's a bad dream, check," Mac said and cupped her arms to accept Matthew.

"Okay," he said, passing the baby off to her and going to check Lucy's legs. "They feel okay to me; they're not tight or anything."

"Okay, just to be sure roll her and check her back. Especially near...near the lumps," Mac replied. "Also check the port...see if it smells or if there's run off. I should be doing this."

"You should be concentrating on getting better," he said as he gently rolled Lucy over and checked all the things Mac said to check. Once again he was thankful that while his schedule allowed him plenty of time with his daughter, he was usually spared moment's like this. "Everything seems okay to me. Does that just mean a bad dream?"

"That or her sleep is being disturbed by the pain, but I don't want to medicate her unnecessarily. Wake her up and ask her," Mac sighed. "If it is pain and we let it go the PCA won't work fast enough. If it's a nightmare, she'll yell at you and go back to sleep."

Harm gently shook his little girl's shoulders. "Lucy, baby, wake up. Lucy?"

Lucy stirred her little eyes fluttered, "What Daddy?"

"Baby," he said. "Do you hurt right now, or were you having a bad dream?"

Lucy laid there for a minute, "I had a dream that I hurt and I do," she replied with a large yawn.

"Okay," he said, reaching for the button on her PCA. "I'll give you some medicine, and you can go back to sleep. Mommy and I and baby brother are all right here."

Lucy nodded, "Daddy?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"I love you, Daddy," she whispered, just before she fell back to sleep.

"I love you, too, baby girl," he said, leaning in to give her a kiss as she drifted back to sleep.

"You see," Mac sighed. "That's why I'm so sad we can't have anymore babies. You are the most..."

He sat down upon the edge of Mac's bed, as close to her as he dared get for fear of hurting her. "I haven't been the best father in the past, or the best husband, or even the best friend for that matter, but I want nothing more than to change all that. We've been hit with some terrible stuff in the few years,'s somehow, in some strange way, served to bring us to a place where we can have a second chance." He reached out and rubbed his finger against Matthew's cheek. "This little miracle right here... if it wasn't for all the bad times and everything we put ourselves through, he might not even exist. I don't care that he's the last baby we'll ever have together, what matters is he's here and he's okay."

Mac nodded, "He is," she smiled and reached out to touch him stubbled cheek. "And even more remarkable we are all okay."

With a tired smile, Harm leaned over and gave her a soft, sweet kiss. "We are."

A/N: So this journey ends. As so many of you know I am not one for miracle endings where Lucy is miraculously cured and the whole thing was a bad dream, that is why they have sequels. I promised you a "shipper ending" and I feel that I have delivered since Harm and Mac are reunited and working towards rebuilding their life. I thank you all for taking this ride with me and invite you all to continue along with this family in the sequel which will be entitled after a country song I love, "Let's Be Us Again."