It was a dull and rainy day, because as we all know, whenever the main character is depressed, it's raining. Our main character is very depressed at the moment. Why is he so depressed you may ask? Well, let's peek into his journal because that's the way all the "kewlie roxxors!" authors do it.

Dear Diary, er Journal. Manly men don't keep diaries.

I can't bear to live with myself anymore! I've suddenly discovered out of nowhere, I'm in love with my best friend, Tai! We all know I can't just talk to him, or anybody else, about my feelings because they'll hate me for sure! They're not really my friends anyway, they're just pretending. Either way, I just can't tell Tai because, you know, it's not like we have a tight bond that wouldn't be broken by a stupid little thing like a crush. Oh no, Tai would go ballistic on me because loving boys is wrong! Oh, whatever will I do, dearest journal? I can't keep my love inside much longer! Every night I cry myself to sleep and every shower I spend cutting my wrist over and over again, it's all because of him. Why? Because I can't tell him because that would be far less interesting then whining and crying about it, that's why.

As you can see, our little blonde friend is terribly hurt by the fact he can't tell his best friend he loves him. After all, how could he explain why, when he didn't even know for himself? Then again, the author doesn't know why either, which is why they don't know why to begin with. Why? Because I said so.

It was still raining when Yamato emerged from his bedroom, where he had spent most of his morning playing sad music on his guitar because you know, he has no other skills other then playing his guitar. He can't possibly be multi-talented! That would destroy the point! Anyway, after playing sad music and singing sad songs and looking out his window quite sadly, he wandered into the kitchen. He was going to make himself a sandwich when suddenly, the shine from a butcher knife that was laying on the counter caught his eye. Why was there a butcher knife on the counter? Because it would take too much time to write that Matt grabbed a knife from the drawer and examined it. He walked over and picked up the knife, staring at it sadly while thinking over his options. He could either cut himself and die right then and there, cut himself and bandage his wounds, or totally forget the whole idea.

Yamato looked down at his arms where plenty of other scars were adorning his pale, creamy skin. Nobody ever noticed that they were there, not even his friends. I mean, it never dawned on them to wonder why Matt was wearing long clothing in the springtime and they were never observant about their friend. Never.

"I've wasted too much of my time cutting myself. I've got better things I could do," Yamato decided. Good for you, Matt! Matt dropped the knife in the sink like he never had the suicidal thoughts in the first place and walked back into his bedroom. A few moments later, Yamato reemerged dressed in all black, because that's what depressed people wear. Matt was wearing black tight leather pants, a black tank top, fishnet arm socks, chain belts, gothic wrist bands (because all Goths wear wrist bands to hide their scars from cutting themselves!), and of course, black eye makeup!

"All right, let's go," Yamato said to himself. It has suddenly occurred to the author that she keeps writing both Yamato and Matt. This is because apparently, she can't choose between them! That's too hard! Oh well, either way, he's still sexy. And nobody really cares about Matt's personality, they just like seeing a sexy Yamato.

Anyway, let's just get to the point. Matt really didn't know where he was going and I'm too lazy to create a destination for him. But he decided to take a shortcut down a dark, lonely alley. Because you know, Matt has no common sense, he always walks down dark alleys dressed as a slut. Suddenly out of nowhere, a hand covered his mouth and another hand dragged him backwards, slamming him into a wall. A knife was pulled out of nowhere and placed against his throat, because I really like using knives…they're so shiny. Oh, right.

"Got any money kid?" the man with no face asked gruffly. Yamato shook his head slightly and whimpered, because he has no backbone and gets frightened easily, even after standing up to the Dark Masters and MaloMyotismon. The ugly man sneered and dropped the knife, smiling cruelly at Matt.

"Well then, I guess you'll just have to pay up in a different way. Tie him, boys," the leader ordered with a snap of his grubby fingers. Suddenly, five, no wait six, guys appeared from the shadows. The first one punched Yamato in the gut, causing the young blonde to double over in pain long enough for the second one to tie his hands behind his back. The third one stuffed a gag into his mouth while the fourth and fifth began stripping him of his arm socks and shirt. The sixth was busily working on getting his leather pants undone while the leader stood back admiring his work. Then, for no rhyme or reason, he leaned forward and kissed Matt, sticking his tongue so far into the boy's throat he almost vomited. His pants suddenly disappeared and the leader smirked.

"Ready for a wild ride, Blondie?" he snickered and undid his own pants, dropping them and his boxers to stand in all his glory.

If you haven't figure it out by now, Yamato's going to be raped. Because as we all know boys and girls, people always get raped in dark abandoned alleys by bad strangers, even though statistics show that 98 of all rapes and murders are committed by someone close to you.

'Oh no! They're gonna rape me! What am I supposed to do?' Matt's mind screamed as he suddenly felt the man rape him, causing the blonde to bite down on his lip hard to keep from screaming. Even though he couldn't, that's what the gag was for, remember? He struggled under the weight of the older and darker man, earning himself a few bitch-slaps across the face.

"You do not move when I am working!" the rapist roared, continuing in his pleasure. He slowly slid out, leading Yamato to believe that he was finished when suddenly the man just raped him again because I can't write a vivid description, causing the blonde to see spots. The rape continued on and the beatings kept piling up, just use your imagination because I'm too lazy to write it out in detail, all the while, Matt had one thought in his head.

'Tai, I need you! Why aren't you here to help me, you stupid bastard of a best friend!' That was the last thing Yamato recalled before he promptly passed out, because it's a great opportunity for a scene change.


Matt woke up feeling rather warm and comfortable in the bed. His first thoughts were about how warm he was. His second thoughts were about how he didn't remember being warm. Suddenly, he sat up scared out of his mind, looking around frantically.

"Hey, take it easy," Tai's voice said from somewhere behind him. Yamato looked up and spotted Tai sitting behind him, soothingly stroking the blonde locks of hair.

"What's going on…how did I…and you…" Matt was at a loss of words. Tai merely smiled down at his best friend. Yes, they are best friends, get over it!

"Well, because I always happen to wander around in the rain, I decided to go downtown, and since I always walk in dark alleys, I turned down one and found you lying there naked and beaten. I figured you had been raped because all raped people look like that. Then, because I'm such a good friend, I brought you home with me!" Tai replied cheerfully, completely ignoring the fact that his friend might not be in such a great mood. But that's because Tai's dense. He doesn't know sadness because he's too stupid.

"I…thank you…" Yamato managed to squeak out before he lost all self-control and began to sob. He was never good at holding in his emotions and he was a big crybaby, don't believe what they told you in episode 51, The Crest of Friendship. Tai hugged his friend tightly, because he didn't even think about all of the bruises Matt gathered from the beatings. But he didn't have to because suddenly, those bruises were gone, so Tai could hug Yamato tightly.

"No need to thank me buddy because I love you," Tai said without thinking, instantly covering his mouth. Had he just said that out loud? Well duh.

"What did you say?" Matt looked up with shiny eyes, staring at Tai intently. Tai sighed and hung his head low.

"I said I love you, Matt. I always have and I don't know why. I'm thinking it might be teenage hormones but you know, just to be safe, we'll say it's because you're my best friend and you're a wonderful person," Tai mumbled timidly because he has no self-confidence. You have to have some courage in your actions to have confidence and Tai definitely didn't have the brains to have courage. Yamato on the other hand gaped at the brunette with happiness, suddenly planting his lips onto Tai's, despite the fact that he had just been gangbanged by seven other men.

"Tai, I love you too. I was just too scared to say anything since I thought you would hate me," Matt said. Tai rewarded him with another kiss and lifted him off of the couch, even though I said that Matt was in a bed at the beginning of this scene. Oh well, that way, I can write this!

"Yama, let's go explore some more..." Tai picked up the blonde bridal-style, cause that's the classic style, and carried his new bitch-er, boyfriend to the bedroom where he proceeded to screw him senseless because as we all know, all rape victims like having repeats of what just happened to them with their one twu luvr! And besides, there's no reason to write about those silly little things like, love, trust, and loyalty when you can get straight to the hot steamy sex!

Oh yeah, and all of the pain and blood magically disappeared because Tai had special semen and because Matt was a willing party, it wasn't rape neither!

Matt's father didn't ever think to wonder why his son hadn't returned home yet, nor did he care, because he's an abusive workaholic who doesn't appreciate his son that he's raised since he was eight years old. This was perfectly fine in Yamato's book because that way, he and his new sextoy Tai, who was still dumber then a log, could screw all night long!

And somehow, Yamato still managed to keep the uber-sexy leather pants. That way, they can be used in a sequel.


No, there will not be a sequel. This is just something to read until I update Black (which should be sometime next week).

Right, now, I believe it's important to be able to make fun of something you love.

So here's my parody of my favorite couple, Taito, if you couldn't tell. If you thought I was serious, get out...now.

If any of you recognize this, it's because I wrote it for GTA Jake MK-II's fiction Title Pending. Yes, it's mine, no I didn't steal it, the end. Anyway, please go forward if you think you can handle it.

Thanks for reading, have a nice cliché day!