Contains Spoilers for HBP – you are warned!
The Half-Blood Prince caused me high levels of stress!
But I hold that Snape acted under duress.
Though as a villain Jo now has him slated
I think in the end he will be vindicated.
So if you now think he is bad to the core,
You probably don't want to read this no more! ;-)
But now we shall once again get under way
and hear what the Greasy-Haired Git has to say:
"Good heavens, this year, it has been quite a bummer.
It started when one night in early midsummer
The Black sisters paid me an unwelcome call.
(I should have just shown them the door, one and all!)
"Bella backed me in a corner somehow,
And Cissy made me take that terrible vow.
How was I to know the chit wouldn't play fair
And add to the terms once I started to swear?
"Before I knew it, I somehow had sworn
To kill off old Albus, which left me forlorn.
I really was fond of that loony old man.
I met him. 'Well, good bye, old guy,' I began.
'I promised to do you a terrible deed,
But never you mind, Albus, no, don't pay heed.
My love-life is horrible, and so instead
I really don't care if I keel over dead.'
"But did he go for it? Heck, no, not he!
He coolly said, 'Sevy, I do not agree.
You keep on spying, and I'll take the fall,
You don't get a say, buddy. This is my call.
'We need to keep tabs on what Riddle's up to.
And I am afraid that tab-keeper is you!
To keep Harry safe, I need someone alert -
And I am officially older than dirt.'
"So he made me promise to follow command,
And (when the time came) to A.K. him, as planned.
He did not give a thought what that sad situation
Would do to my fans and to my reputation!
"I wonder how I will get out of this pickle.
I tell you, the readership is rather fickle.
Simply because I offed old Dumbledore
They now tell me that they don't love me no more!
"Fair-weather friends – just that one sour grape
Is not a good reason to blare 'I hate Snape!'
At the first little thing they turn angry and curt.
I have to confess that my feelings are hurt.
"No, things did not go well this year, not a bit.
At first I was happy, 'cause I got to quit
The Potions position and get a new job.
But soon I found out that that teenage heart-throb
managed to pull off an 'O' in that class.
So once again there I was, teaching that ass.
(I mean the donkey kind, just so you know.)
Then all of a sudden he started to show
Advanced Potions skill that defied explanation.
(Can you just imagine my dire frustration?)
How did he manage? It turns out the cheat
Used my old book to accomplish that feat!
"My knowledge! My brains! And even my spell,
I tell you, folks, I did not take that too well.
To tell you the truth, Draco sure took it worse
When he got split open by Potter's Dark curse!
"Right now, there's confusion – am I good or bad?
I feel schizophrenic myself (just a tad.)
It might be a while 'til I prove critics wrong
- I hope that Miss Granger'll be patient that long!
She has less in common with Ron, I might add,
than a butterfly has with a scouring pad.
-- Don't hyperventilate, Sev, let it go --
BUT WHAT WAS SHE THINKING, I'D JUST LIKE TO KNOW!
At least I was right when I happened to say
That the next DADA master'd be cause for dismay.
On that final note - I think it rather stinks
That I still didn't break the Defense master jinx!
To all the reviewers, you guys are so great!
I love how so many stepped up to the plate
and rhymed right along with the Greasy-Haired Git.
It quite made my day, so I have to admit!
But I love every review, in rhyme or in prose -
so push that small button and leave one of those!
And if you would like something rhyme-wise to do,
Check out duj's series named "How Dumb Were You"!