The Silent Game

Prologue (or why this story is entitled The Silent Game)

As is most often with the case of the Griffin family of Quahog, Rhode Island, their house was full of friends. And as is most often the case with the Griffin family, the men were drinking booze, the women were talking about their feelings, and Stewie was trying to impose his wrath on the other children with somewhat mixed results – although the methods he came up with were definitely surprising and different.

It was one of those kinds of days at the Griffin's house today. The women (and Meg, who had the day off) had gone out to see an Ashton Kutcher vehicle of some sort (never mind the fact that he can't act for bird crap), Chris and everyone else's kids were at school, and the men were drinking and talking.

"I bet that they're showing Married With Children on TV right now," the Griffin patriarch, Peter, cried, half-drunk.

"I'd bet two bucks that it's not," another half-drunk person, the womanizer Glen Quagmire, yelled.

"Oh come on Quagmire," a paraplegic (and fellow half-drunk) Joe Swanson sighed. "Married With Children is ALWAYS on."

"I don't like that show," a black man named Cleveland Brown complained, taking a gulp of beer.

"Why does it even matter if Married With Children is on, anyway?" Brian, the Griffin family's dog, asked. "I bet that Peter couldn't go for more than a day without talking about TV – better yet, I bet he can't go a day without turning on the TV."

"Oh yeah?" Quagmire slurred, even more drunk than before. "I bet that you can't go for more than a day without having a martini!"

Brian sipped at the martini in his right paw. "Sure I can't."

"Quagmire, I bet that you would die if you couldn't talk to women all day!" Cleveland accused.

"I bet that you couldn't not sound like a dope for more than a day," Joe Swanson told Cleveland.

"I bet you couldn't last a day without your wheelchair!" Peter squealed at Joe.

Everyone stared at him blankly before the alcohol quickly erased the incident from memory.

"I bet you couldn't not drink for a week!"

"I bet you couldn't not have sex for a week!"

"I bet you couldn't not read Forbes magazine for a week!"

"I bet you couldn't not use the TV Guide Channel for a month!"

At this point, you may have realized that everyone had forgotten about Stewie. Not that Stewie cared – he was relishing the independence he had been given. Rather, this stupid, out-betting game was getting on his last nerve, and that nerve had a few frays in it.

Stewie finally walked over to the boy's table, pulling a bullhorn from his pocket. With one loud honk, he had gotten everyone's attention easily.

"I have an idea," Stewie offered. "How about all of you play The Silent Game?"

"Sex?" Quagmire asked off-handedly.

"No, you womanizing imbecile, The Silent Game!" Stewie yelled. "The game where everyone is completely silent. If you break that rule, you are out and you don't get a chance to receive the prize… there will be a prize for the winner, but I don't have any money… oh shame…"

Joe pulled out his wallet. "What if we all buy in for ten bucks, and the winner of The Silent Game gets all the money?"

Stewie smirked. Jackpot. "All right, sounds fair enough… so, there's fifty dollars in the pot… or there will be when you all get your money out."

They did. Everyone wanted to prove their friends wrong when it came to things like this. Fifty dollars in assorted bills (or, in Peter's case, seven ones, two Sacajawea dollar coins, two quarters, three dimes, two nickels, and ten pennies) was soon lying on the table.

Stewie looked at the money, and then at everyone else.

"All right… The Silent Game starts…"

"Wait," Peter said, raising his hand. "Can we talk?"

"No," Brian answered for Stewie, saving Peter a serious tongue lashing from the infant.

"Okay… no more talking… starting… NOW!"

A/N: I know this sounds really screwball. That's because it is. No character development, no real items of importance – just lots of humiliation and (I hope) humor. There's also to be many stupid references, just like in the normal show… in case you must know, this is my second Family Guy story (my first is The Chocolate Girl).

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Family Guy. But it would be nice to own it…