Of Losing You


A/N- So I was looking through the Star Wars fics here on and found myself deeply disappointed by the lack of fics about what could potentially be one of the greatest Han and Leia moments. This inspired me to write one myself and also to HEREBY PROPOSE A CHALLENGE! Your mission is this. What was Leia thinking/doing/feeling when Han and Luke returned to the base on Hoth after being gone all night? What did Leia say to Han? Did she thank him? Did they fight? You tell me. This is my version of events, what yours?

To the writers of "Not Quite Love Letters" and "The Unofficial Notes of the Rebellion" This challenge is particularly for you. I would love to hear about this, not only through the eyes of Han and Leia, but through our boys of Rouge Squadron as well. Especially that kiss Leia plants on Luke. 

Summary: In ESB, Han refers to Leia "expressing her true feelings for me" in the south passage. Everyone thinks he's talking about their fight, but what if it's something entirely different?

Han Solo gruffly dismissed the medical droids that persisted in hovering around him. "Look, I'm fine, really! Go work on Luke, he needs it!" He stood abruptly, scattering droids in all directions. Grabbing his coat, he headed for the south entrance to the sickbay. He needed to get to the hanger and find Chewie. Truthfully, he was surprised the wookie hadn't been beating at the door of the sickbay the moment he'd heard Han was back.

The door of the sickbay whooshed open and he stepped into to south passage, pausing to shrug on his jacket and check his pockets for all his belongings. When he looked up, it was to find her worship, Princess Leia standing at the end of the passage, gazing at him pensively.

She looked exhausted. Her snowsuit was rumpled, her hair was a snarly mess, (big shock that) and there were pale violet circles beneath her eyes. Han sighed inwardly. The damn fool girl probably sat up all night long, worrying about Luke!

'Be honest' he told himself. 'You just wish she'd been worrying about you.'

"Hey there sweetheart." He said with a grin, instead of what he wanted to say, which was 'Get your ass in bed.'

"Did you come down here to check on Luke?" He found himself walking toward her now, with no idea when he started moving. "If so, you're gonna have to wait a while, they've got him isolated in a bacta tank. I was just gonna go get Chewie…." He trailed off, stopping an arms length away from her, unnerved by her silence. He looked down at her and felt a tremor of concern. She was looking at him so intently, her brow creased with concentration, her eyes searching his face as though she were memorizing every feature.

"Hey," he said gently, reaching out to touch her shoulder, "What's wrong?"

Her eyes widened at his light touch and he watched the incredible play of emotions passing through them. Pain, anguish, and fear, followed by incredible relief and an odd, subdued joy that lit up her entire being.

As though in a daze, Leia found herself reaching out to lay a hand on his shoulder. That was all she meant to do,give hima friendly pat on the shoulder, a thank you for a job well done. And yet with that brief touch, her senses kicked into overdrive and she found herself overwhelmed by his presence, eclipsed by his reality. It all hit home at once, he was alive, he was safe, and he was here, whole and in one piece. Before she knew what she was doing, she slid her hands down his chest and inside his coat, wrapped her arms around his waist and clung to him, her relief so great she choked on it.

"Whoa there, your worship…." To say that Han was taken aback would have been something of an understatement. He made a token protest, but really, he wasn't complaining. She held him tightly, her hands fisting in the fabric of his shirt. She was shaking, trembling so hard it scared him, scared her. Slowly, afraid that if he moved she would flee, he wrapped his arms around her slender form.

"I …..I'm sorry." She whispered brokenly. "I didn't mean to….I…..really…" She was babbling, her voice hoarse with emotion. "It's just….I thought…." She looked up at him, and he was stunned to see her eyes filled with tears. "I thought I'd lost you….. Her voice broke and she swallowed heavily. "Both of you."

In the deepest part of his heart, Han Solo felt something crumble, something soften, some part of his soul move aside to let her in. Raising a hand to the back of her head, she brought it firmly back down to his chest. She heaved a few bitter sobs and he held her, tightly, his work roughened hands shielding and protecting her. Finally, after what seemed to be forever, she pulled away from him.

"I need to go see Luke" she said, rapidly regaining her composure, "They'll let me in, and I'll tell them to let you and Chewie in as well." She wouldn't meet his eyes.

"Yeah" he agreed tonelessly. "Thanks."

She stepped past him, heading toward the door of the sickbay. He looked after her, feeling that there was something else, something let unsaid. At the door, she paused and looked over her shoulder at him. She was blushing faintly, looking at the ground, still not meeting his eyes. "It would kill me, you know." She paused and her blush deepened. "To lose you…." The words were so soft, he almost didn't hear them. Then the door to the sickbay opened, and she was gone.