Things You'll Never Hear/See on One Piece
Disclaimer: I don't own One Piece, and I didn't think of all this myself. Please review. A little OOCness (Wait, that's the point).
Okay, I'm just taking a short break from making my other fanfic to write this, but before I start, I must give credit to the people on the 4kids.tv One Piece forum, since they thought a lot of this up. Thank you.


It was a calm day on the Going Merry, and as Sanji watched the ocean from the stern deck, he thought, You know what? I think I'll quit smoking. It's just too harmful for my body, and everybody should just be healthy. In fact, I think I'll go easy on every person I fight from now on. I don't like to kick people so hard that their bones get smashed.

"Sanji-kun!"

Oh no, thought Sanji. It can't be!

But he turned around and saw her! Nami! She was chasing Sanji again with hearts in her eyes! Sanji screamed and ran down towards the starboard deck, Nami following him the whole way.

Meanwhile, Zoro was playing a game of Yu-Gi-Oh with Chopper, who was sucking on a lolipop and eating from a bag of chocolate (Very bad for your dental hygiene). Then, as Luffy came out of the galley, he asked, "Hey Zolo- er, I mean..."

Then Zoro said, "Oh, that's okay, you can call me Zolo."

"Okay." said Luffy. "Well, I've been thinking (Oh my gosh! Luffy's been thinking!). I've always wanted to become King of the pirates, but lately, I've been more interested in biology, navigation, and perpetual motion..."(I'm not quite sure what that is either)

"Well, that's great!" said Zoro. "You can become our navigator now, since Nami is always too busy flirting with Sanji!"

Then Usopp walked out of the cabin and said, "Hey Zolo, would you mind if I tried using your swords? Lately, I've been in the mood to try something other than slingshots."

"I don't mind," replied Zoro. "But lately, I've also been in the mood to try something else."

"Okay then," said Usopp. "We'll trade, my slingshot for your swords."
"All right," replied Zoro. "It's so good that we can always reach a compromise without argueing."

Then Luffy said, "Actually, I've been wanting to test my coordination and reflexes with Zolo's swords."

"Oh," replied Usopp. "Then you use them."

"That's okay," answered Luffy, "You asked first."

"But I insist." replied Usopp.

"Nah," said Luffy, "You can use those swords first. After all, sharing is caring. And besides, you're the captain."

Then Usopp replied, "No, I'm not the captain here."

"Then who is? asked Luffy.

Usopp answered, "Why, without doubt, that would be-" He was interrupted by a shout, and Luffy, Usopp, Zoro, and Chopper looked up at the crow's nest, which Sanji had retreated to, only to be cornered by Nami.

"Nami!" shouted Zoro, "You can't hump Sanji! You can only hump your mom!"

Chopper continued to eat, his mouth too full to say anything.

Then Robin walked out of the cabin yawning. "Is it time for lunch yet?"

"Well Robin," spoke Usopp, "Normally, Sanji would have started cooking it by now, but... yeah."

Then Luffy said with glee, "Then I guess it's my turn to cook now! Don't worry, everyone! I'll make sure this meal is loaded with vegetables!"

As Luffy headed towards the galley, Zoro spoke, "You know, Robin, you're a really lazy person. Why don't you exercise once in a while, or even read a book?"

"I will," Robin answered, "If you pay me."

Then Sanji yelled, "Oi! There's a pirate ship coming this way!". Then Luffy came out from the galley and they all looked at the huge galleon, towering over the Going Merry. Everybody panicked and started running, until they heard one person among them saying, "We cannot just run around and worry about our lives! It's time to fight! Because no matter what obstacle comes our way, we are pirates! And pirates must always fight for their dreams!". Suddenly, the rest of the Straw Hat pirates became inspired, and they fought the other pirate ship face on, and won.


Afterwards...

Luffy: Lunch is ready, everybody! And it's full of vegetables!

Zoro: I want you to eat, Luffy. I know you're on a diet, but lately, you've been overdoing it and it seems like an eating disorder.

Sanji: Yes, and remember to eat meat. It's full of protein that's good for your body.

Robin: Ah, we got so much treasure, and it's all mine!

Nami: But, I want to give it to the poor...

Usopp: All right, everybody, it's time to raise a glass for our captain, who has once more led us from tragedy, and will one day become King of the pirates! KANPAI!

Everybody: HOORAY FOR CHOPPER!

There, a story that you will never, ever hear/see in One Piece.