A/N: This is my first KotOR fic so I hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I don't own Knights of the Old Republic or any of the fictional charcters with the exception of Hayley and her personality. George Lucas is a pure genius...and he owns it all.
Carth stood proudly next to her as they both waved and grinned at the massive crowd before them. She looked so happy, so…at peace, since they had destroyed the Star Forge. She stood straight with a smile larger than he had ever seen her with. Her hair was brushed back and wafted gently in the brisk air. She had all the makings of a hero, a savior.
He loved her, so why was he so unhappy. He was finally going to get to spend some time with her, after all this time…just him and her. Yet, he couldn't place it…but something was wrong. Something…that made him uneasy…
"Relax." Hayley's voice jarred him out of his thoughts. "You're making me nervous. What's wrong?"
It was just like Hayley to pick up on his emotions. Sometimes he felt that he shared more of a bond with her than Bastila. On the other hand, considering what they've been through, why shouldn't she be able to tell what he was thinking or feeling when he was thinking or feeling it?
"Oh, it's nothing. I was just thinking." he said pathetically.
"Whenever you say ' oh, it's nothing' it's usually something. So out with it, flyboy."
"Ok…you really want to know?" he tempted.
" I asked didn't I?" she shot back smoothly.
" Oh… I was just thinking of how you would look with the head of a bantha." he said jokingly.
" And…how might that be?" she retorted back.
" Oh…pretty much the same…"
She leaned over and lightly hit him in the shoulder as she started laughing and could barely control her pleasure. He could always get her to forget about what they were doing and lighten the mood.
" Well as fun as that was," she turned to look down at Master Vandar, " We really should start to get going."
The small green creature turned slightly towards Hayley and nodded his permission.
" Ahhhh, as much as I wish you not to, I know your path lies elsewhere. Where are you headed?"
" Well, we all haven't really decided yet. I know that Carth intends to head back to Telos and Juhani…"
Carth stopped really listening after the mention of heading back to Telos. He knew Dustil would be waiting there for him…but was he ready to face the son he hadn't seen for years? And Hayley… what about her? He couldn't just leave her? Not after they had announced their love to one another. She could come with him to Telos! Yes…that was it! But…how could he explain to Dustil that the woman he loved was once the Dark Lord of the Sith?
" I'm headed back to the Ebon Hawk now… to get some rest. It's been a busy day." Hayley said to Jolee who was still standing there and who had, before Carth had tuned out, complaining about ' how old people shouldn't have to stand out in the cold for this long waving to people who they didn't even know' and some other things that he's always complaining about.
" I'll meet you there then, my dear. But first I must consult with Master Vandar about something first." Hayley nodded and turned and started walking back towards the beach where the Ebon Hawk was located. Carth walked quickly to catch up to her and walk beside her.
It was quite between them for the longest time as they walked together to the ship. He knew she was upset that everyone was going to be going their separate ways, including himself and her. He knew she had a dedication to the Order and that proclaiming her love to him had indeed been a violation of the Jedi code. The Masters of the Order do not know of the relationship that the two of them shared, but feared what they would do to Hayley, if they were to find out. He hated the thought of her suffering on his behalf.
" So…you're going back to Telos? It's good that you're going to see your son again. This is your chance to build the relationship you never had the chance to get with him."
Just the tone and the sound of her voice made him feel awful inside. It was stricken with sadness and desperation. A feeling not easily portrayed by the Jedi, especially Hayley.
" Hayley…" he began.
" No…I'm happy for you. I really am. I just want you to know that I'll…well that I'll miss you, Carth Onasi. And that I…" they reached the sanctuary of the Ebon Hawk, and Hayley, unable to control her emotions ran inside quickly to her quarters and locked the door.
" I'm going to miss you to, Hayley…I really am…" he said to himself as he headed to the cockpit of the Ebon Hawk.
Hayley wedged herself in the small smuggling compartment under her bunk. It was the only place she could think of to be alone...which was exactly what she needed right now. To be alone. And now that she was... the tears came flooding out. Her jedi training should have prepared her for something like this...but it didn't. Nothing in the world could sooth a wounded heart.
It was hot and stuffy in that compartment...but part of her wanted to suffer. Wanted to feel the pain she had seen others endure countless times, while she just stood there comforting and aiding them when she herself had never felt that kind of pain. Enter Carth in the picture. She had never loved anyone before and never had intended to...but Carth just kind of ended up on her list...
"I'm all ears, beautiful."
"Keep adressing me like that and you'll lose an ear or two."
"Oh. He he he...touchy. Well is there something else you'd prefered I'd call you?
"No. It's demeaning."
"Don't get yourself all up in a twist about it, gorgeous. I didn't mean anything by it."
"There you go again!"
"Oh...for cryin' out...! Ok, try calling me something if it'll make you feel better. Go on try it."
"Don't be ridiculous!"
"Hey! C'mon...try it! I promise you won't hurt my feelings."
"C'mon, you can think of something better than that!"
"Brainless lice-ridden Bantha!"
"Wow...that IS better. Now I bet that "beautiful" doesn't sound too bad in comparison, does it?
"Ha, ha, ha! You're a pain, ya know that!"
"Guilty as charged."
As Hayley dwelled upon the memories of Carth, the tears began to sting her eyes again. She knew he had a responsibility to his son, his real family. She also knew her thoughts of him staying with her were weaved from jealousy and selfishness. After all! She was a jedi, and jedi are supposed to be above thoughts and feelings such as love, sefishness, and jealousy. So why in the world could she not let the subject drop!
Her breath was ragged and her eyes stung...but she continued to remain in the compartment. Did she really think that time would never pass her by if she remained in this damp, hot compartment? Did she think that Carth would stay with her forever? As she continued to think about it and her reasoning became more clear she realized that the reality of her and Carth actually being able to be together was nothing more then a simple...dream. A wish...no, a hope. A hope that everyone would ignore the fact that she was a jedi in love, a jedi that had more to her than responsibility and duty to the Order.
She began to wipe away the tears as a small tapping sound came from the hatch of the compartment. How did anyone know about this place? She never once hinted or even thought about it!
"Hayley? I know you're in there...come out." it was Mission's voice! Hayley should have known better. Mission knows this ship like the back of her hand. If anyone'd know about this place...it'd be her.
The hatch opened and Hayley quickly regained her optimistic countenence. There were no signs once so ever that she had lost control of her emotions.
" Ummm..." she began as she got slowly out of her hiding place," I was just checking the compartment out. Measuring the size of space in it."
"Don't try to lie to me, Hayley. You've been in there for hours. Carth's worried about you. Wanna talk about it? Just me and you here...c'mon, you can tell me." she soothed.
"Hours?" the time had passed by so quickly while she had been in there," There's nothing to tell...I...uh, just went in there to check things out and I had been so tired...ya know the whole"saving the galaxy" routine, that I fell asleep."
" You sure? Cause Carth said that you looked pretty upset when you went to your quarters." she said not at all buying what she was saying.
" He was probably just overexaggerating...you know men."she answered.
"Not the way you seem to..." she mumbled softly but loud enough for Hayley to hear.
" What's THAT suppose to mean!" she said defensivly.
" Oh...calm down. I was just kidding. You know you really should get some sleep. You can't even take a joke anymore." she smiled as she said it.
Hayley relaxed," Sorry...I guess I do need some sleep. It's just...oh nothing. See you in the morning."
With that statement Mission took the hint and left the room. On her way out Carth quickly caught her. His face was marked with worry.
"Don't worry, Carth. She just needs some sleep."she said calmly.
"Uhh...right. I guess I do too. Come to think of it...we all need a vacation." he said sarcastically.
"Yeah...I wish. I'm gonna go check up on Big Z. He's been pretty restless since we got back from the Star Forge. I wouldn't be surprised if all the rations in the storage hold are gone. Y'know Big Z...always hungry. See ya later, Carth."
Carth headed back to the cockpit to try and get some relaxation before he had to face Hayley again. He knew that it would be difficult and he still didn't know quite what to do. Should he go to Telos and see his son? Or...stay here with her.
Carth sighed heavily. If there was one time he needed someone to talk to...it'd have to be now. Suddenly Carth heard approaching footsteps, too heavy to be Hayley's. Jolee entered the room.
" Hello, sonny. Ready to get back on track with your son?"
"Hey, Jolee. Heard you had a talk with the council. How'd it go?" Carth said trying to change the subject.
" Well, that's why I'm here. The council has summoned Hayley. Do you happen to know where she is? The council said it was urgent."
Carth's mask dropped,"Why? I thought they were done with her."
" The council wouldn't give me exact details but they did tell me it's very important." he said noticing the change in Carth's tone.
"She's in her room, sleeping." he said relunctantly.
Jolee nodded and dismissed himself as he left the room. He headed to Hayley's quarters and opened the door. Hayley was no where to be found. He doubted that Carth would lie to him, so that means that Hayley had to have left while no one was looking.
"Kids these days..." he mumbled to himself as went in search of her.