A/N: Ok, I'm so so so so sorry for taking so long to update and this is a short chapter so I'm sorry for that too! Been busy buys busy with Lost Love II and Never Too Late For Redemption. Anyway, hope you enjoy and REVIEW!
Disclaimer: George Lucas owns it all.
Hayley was bored. Actually, bored would be an understatement for how she was feeling right now. The Council didn't feel that it would be appropriate to have her going on missions or anything else for that matter, so here she was stuck meditating. I don't even like meditating. The only purpose for it is to waste time...which is what I'm doing. Maybe I should go see-
Her thoughts trailed off as she remembered that there was no Carth to see. There would be no Carth Onasi there smiling. There would be no more "Hey, beautiful" or "Hey, Gorgeous." It would forever be Revan. She would be alone with her past, pain, and thoughts. And for a woman like herself, being alone for long periods of time was not good.
One could think about one's past...or one's future. Hayley had no past...her past belonged to Revan. And now, after her recent conversation with Carth, she had no future that would be worth living. She had pushed away the one man that had ever loved her...for her. She had never had to pretend to be something she wasn't around Carth. She could be herself and she would be accepted. Hayley mentally slapped herself for being such an idiot.
Looking back, she realized just why she had pushed Carth away. She knew why she had forced him to leave her chained to the Jedi, and locked into her own solitude. It was because she was dangerous. One only had to look around to see how much damage she had done to the galaxy. It was sickening...and she had caused it herself. She had allowed herself to get caught up in the Mandalorian War...and now it had cost her everything.
Everything she had held dear...was gone. The Jedi held no truth, no purpose for her any longer...they were a mere distraction to keep her focused on them instead of on her own thoughts. Not like it's helping much. Carth should have let me die on Korriban. All thoughts continued to go back to Carth. She missed him...and she knew that he was probably missing her as well. But there was a difference between missing and needing.
The difference between needing someone and missing someone was a simple word: love. When you miss someone, you've been around them for a while and care for them...but not enough to stay, which leads to the missing feeling. You feel close to them and enjoy being near them, but occasionally need to be alone and seperated from them. Needing is a completely different concept.
When you need someone, you love them. Every waking moment, they occupy your thoughts and try as you might...you can't get them out of your head. When they aren't with or around you...you hunger for them; it's almost a panicked hungry feeling. It's almost like having your heart cut out and placed back in...it's the same heart and you need it...but you remember the pain when it was cut out. The biggest difference between needing someone and missing someone is when you need them...they are part of you and without them... you are lost.
Hayley needed Carth. But she would not allow herself to have the pleasure of being in his presense. She was Revan, after all. She once held the galaxy by the throat and would most likely have let it choke to death, had Malak been a more loyal apprentice. Malak. His very name sent shivers up Hayley's spine. He was living proof showing how far she had fallen...and how much damage she had done to everyone around her.
Malak and her had been friends...maybe even a little more than that at one point. But she had destroyed him; she had led him down a path of darkness into a place of despair and emptiness. Malak had needed strength and guidance from her...something that she had recieved herself. She had failed him, herself, and every single other person in the galaxy. Why should she deserve happiness when she had destroyed so many other's happiness?
"Hayley?" A soft voice called from the doorway.
She merely nodded signaling for the young blue twi'lek to enter. She really didn't feel like talking at the moment, but she might as well...there really wasn't anything better to do and staying in her thoughts this long was bad for her mind and spirit.
"Hey...how's it going?" She said trying to strike up a friendly conversation.
Hayley turned and gave Mission a sarcastic smile. "Oh, everything is perfect. I couldn't ask for a better life...oh! Did I tell you I rejected Carth and sent him away so now I'm really alone and screwed! But yes...everything is just great."
"Wow...claws out today, aren't they, Rev?" Mission said with a sad smile. "Sorry 'bout Carth. I know you liked the old geezer."
Hayley laughed softly. "Yeah..."
"So I'm guessing he popped the question and you totally turned him down, huh?" Mission said nonchalantly.
Now the young twi'lek had the ex-Lord of the Sith's full attention. "What are you talking about?"
"You know...Carth asking you to marry him." She noticed Hayley's confused look and slowly frowned. "He...did ask you, right? Force, me and my big mouth!"
"Carth was...he was going to ask me..." Hayley slumped against a nearby chair. "I had no idea."
"Oops." Mission muttered. "I thought that was the reason he left...and you two went your seperate ways."
"Mission, I had no clue. I didn't even give him a chance to...force, what have I done?" She said dramatically as she grabbed her lightsaber and prepared to go find Carth and right everything that she had messed up.
Little did she know that there were forces at work that were beyond even her own control...
A/N: Muahahaha...now you all are going to have to wait for another ridiculously long update! Ok, anyway, review please! Thanks!