Disclaimer: Not mine, please don't sue. It's not like you'll get anything good anyways.
Rating: PG I guess
Pairing: Literati, of course.
A/N: Hi! Well I had written part of this like 3 weeks ago and never finished because I didn't like it. But this morning I decided to reread it and after I did I went ahead and finished it. It's still very short, all my chapters probably will be. I can't seem to write anything long. I'm not sure if I'll continue after this chappy. I kind of have an idea for another chapter, but I'm not sure where to go with it. I also have this picture in my head, but I can't seem to figure out how to get it from my head to the paper. So who knows, I might continue it. Might not. It all really depends on if I get the inspiration and ideas of where to take this fic.
But anyways, here's chapter 2. It's Jess's POV on why he has to leave. I hope you like. Please R&R.
I hope you understand why I'm leaving. It's not because I'm tired of you or that I don't want to be with you anymore; it's the opposite really. I want to be with you so badly and that is why I have to leave.
If I'm going to be with you I have to change. I have to become someone better.
For me. For you. For Luke.
I need to learn how to open up; let my walls down. And in order to do that I need to find myself. I've been hiding behind this façade for so long and now, it seems I've lost myself. I can't tell reality from pretend anymore. I don't know the real me.
But yet you do. You can see past the façade and through the wall. Nobody has ever been able to do that before. They never bothered to try. But you, you know me so well. With just one little glance you can see through me. You can see everything that I am. You know what I'm thinking, feeling; you know my doubts, fears, hopes, dreams. You know everything about me. I've never been that close to somebody; loved someone so deeply.
And it scares me.
I'm not afraid of loving you, not at all. I'm afraid of disappointing you. Your giving up so much to be with me. You constantly have to defend me against the town, your mother, your grandparents; and after all that I don't even treat you like you deserve. I'm afraid one day you'll wake up and realize that it wasn't worth it. I wasn't worth it.
I can't let that happen. So that's why I'm leaving. I need to become a better person. Someone who's worthy of you. I need to prove wrong everyone who ever said you were wasting your time on me. I want to be better than they believe me to be. I want to be able to say to them, 'I am worthy of her, so screw you'.
And I will someday.
Someday I'll come back. And when I do you will know that I have changed. You will look at me and see the man I want you to see, not the man that I am now. And hopefully then you will realize that I did this for you. Maybe then you can forgive me.
I know my leaving will hurt you, but it's something I have to do. Just remember that I love you.
And maybe someday you'll understand.
A/N2: So good, bad, marginal? Please tell me what you think, even if you think it sucks.