This is I think gonna be the first Spike/Joyce fic on here which makes me kinda proud anyway this story is really angsty so please review cause if you don't my plot bunnies are gonna eat me. ttfn.


Blue Orchids

He waited for all the Scoobies and the slayer to leave before he even dared approach the grave he never wanted to see.

Spike felt the tears perk up in his eyes as he took short slow steps to his loves grave. He never thought he would lose her like he did. Her life slipped through his fingers like fine sand and he couldn't save her.

He stopped in front of the grave stone and felt a wave of grief overcome him and Spike fell to his knees clutching the blue orchids in his fist.

"I promised I'd keep you safe, I promised I'd never let you feel pain again and I failed you, I failed you Joyce I'm so sorry please forgive me" Spike said between sobs.

He remembered the day he'd made those promises just as clearly as if they'd happened only hours ago.

Joyce curled up next to Spike and smiled happily as he began to stroke her hair lovingly. Her Spike was nice and warm from their recent love making and she loved spending these moments with him.

"Spike" Joyce asked unsurely.

"Yes pet" Spike said.

"Do you love me" she asked sitting up and looking at him with beautiful hazel eyes.

"Of course I do pet you know that" Spike said sitting up at the unusual question.

Joyce looked at him sadly and said "Say it please."

Spike cupped her chin in his hand and said "I love you Joyce and I promise that I will always keep you safe and that you will never feel pain again."

Joyce smiled brightly and Spike felt like his heart would begin to beat again at any moment.

"I love you too Spike" Joyce said as she kissed him lightly on the lips.

Spike smiled and said "I'm glad that I'm yours."

"Oh you're mine are you" Joyce said playfully.

"Yes, I'm all yours for forever and ever" Spike said as he nipped at her neck.

"Good, I don't think I could stand it if you belonged to someone else" Joyce said making Spike chuckle.

"Come on luv it's time to sleep" Spike said as he lay back on the bed and smiled as Joyce curled up against to him again.

He had never broken a promise before and now he had failed the one person he never wanted to.

"I'm so sorry Joyce, I was never worthy to be called yours" Spike said as he laid down on the fresh dirt and let his tears soak the ground.

The pain he was in was nothing like he'd ever experienced before and all he wanted to do was die.

"Come back to me Joyce please I need you more than I ever have, I love you" Spike whispered against the ground.

He should have known that she wasn't well he should have sensed it, smelt it, felt it, but he never saw it coming and when he found her dying on that couch in the living room he felt himself dying inside.

"Joyce you home" Spike called out as he threw aside his blanket and walked into the living room with a smile on his face. Today was there 1 year anniversary and he had a beautiful diamond ring for her.

But his smile faded as he was hit by the stench of death and fear. He saw her lying on the couch crying in pain.

"Oh God Joyce" Spike said as he rushed to her side.

"Spike, it hurts" Joyce said weakly.

Spike quickly lifted Joyce into his arms and sat back down on the couch trying his best to ease her pain and suffering.

He thought about calling an ambulance but he knew he was too late, his Joyce was going to die and there was nothing he could do about it.

Spike didn't fight the tears that fell as he watched his love suffer.

"Don't cry for me Spike please" she said trying hard to hold back her own tears.

"You can't leave me Joyce I need you, Buffy and Dawn need you the Powers can't take you yet please don't die."

"I'm sorry Spike but it's just my time, I love you so much my Spike" she said as she wiped his tears away.

Spike grabbed her hand and kissed her knuckles before leaning down and kissing her lips softly one last time.

"Oh God Spike I don't want to die please help me it hurts" Joyce cried out.

Spike just held her tighter and began to cry harder as he felt the life drain out of the only woman that loved him back.

"I love you Spike" she whispered.

And like that she was gone and all that was left was a shell that only moments before held Joyce Summers.

"No Joyce please don't do this to me come back" Spike yelled as he held her lifeless body.

Lifting his head up Spike sensed the slayer coming and knew that he had to leave before Buffy found him.

Kissing Joyce's forehead Spike let his love go and made his way quickly out of the Summers' residence.

He remembered Buffy coming to tell him about Joyce's death the next day and when he said he was sorry she snapped at him and said that he never knew her mother and that he had never loved her as much as she had.

At that he snapped and pinned her up against the wall and yelled "Don't you dare say I didn't love Joyce as much as you did, I died that day."

Now here he was lying on top of Joyce's grave crying his eyes out with a bouquet of blue orchids clutched in his hand.

Joyce loved blue orchids she said that they reminded her of his eyes. Laying the flowers on the grave Spike stood, not bothering to wipe the dirt off his clothes.

Feeling the hairs on the back of his neck rise, Spike knew that it was getting dangerously close to dawn.

Smiling weakly Spike whispered "I know you're going to be upset with me but I wasn't lying when I said I died the same day you did; my body just hasn't realized it yet."

The sky was turning bright pink and began to slow melt away the darkness of night.

"I'll be with you shortly my love" Spike said as he watched as the sun began to rise.

Aww it's sad. please review and tell me whatcha think.