The Conversation


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Lupin was walking towards his home that misty evening, when he felt a chill run down his spine. Lupin looked back over his shoulder, feeling someone watching him. When he turned his head again, his blood ran cold as he spotted a Death Eater standing in front of him, wand out.

"Expellariamus!" shouted the Death Eater. Lupin's wand went flying into the Death Eater's hand. As the Death Eater approached, Lupin could tell by the greasy black hair who he was dealing with. The rumors were true; Severus Snape was serving Voldemort. And Severus Snape really hated Lupin.

"What do you want, Severus?" squeaked Lupin, his voice cracking in panic. Snape steadily walked towards him, both wands pointed at him. Snape walked behind Lupin and nudged the wands into Lupin's back. "Let's go." he said. Lupin began to sweat. Was Snape going to kill him? Snape ushered him along untill they had come to the Shrieking Shack.

"Severus, whatever you've gotten yourself into, it's not too late to --"

"SHUT UP!"

They walked into the shack, and Snape stepped back. Lupin turned to face him. Snape yanked off his mask. Snape snapped Lupin's wand in two, threw it on the floor, and then stomped it.

"What do you want, Severus?" said Lupin. "Stop calling me Severus, arsehole. You never bothered to use my proper name before. Not that you could be bothered to speak to me. You wouldn't have wanted your so-called friends to see." said Snape. Lupin looked with helpless shame at Snape. "Are you going to kill me?" asked Lupin, miserably. Snape sneered coldly. Face full of malice, Snape pointed his wand more determinedly at Lupin. "Crucio!" Snape said. Lupin twitched, grimacing, and toppled to the floor. After a couple of moments, Snape halted the spell. Lupin, bunched up on the floor, blinked and looked at Snape.

"Was it fun for you, Lupin, making my existance a living hell?" asked Snape. "No! I never enjoyed it, I never wanted to do it. I tried to stay out of it as much as possible..." said Lupin. "CRUCIO!" roared Snape. Lupin writhed on the floor. Tears streamed down his face. After a few moments, Snape relinquished the spell. He stood, staring contemptously for a few moments as Lupin tried to pull himself together. "Tried to stay out of it? You tried to stay out of it? And so you, Lupin, are absolved of blame?" Snape asked finally. "No... I'm sorry. I should have said something. I should have done something. I should have... stop--stopped it." Lupin said. Snape laughed hollowly. "It's a little late now, isn't it? As if you would change one moment if you had the chance. You didn't intervene, Lupin. You didn't. You went along with it. You indulged them and you parroted them... and why?" said Snape.

"I wish you'd just tried harder to keep away from them... I wish they'd just left you alone. God, I wanted them to leave you alone." said Lupin. "Oh, I realize that, Lupin, believe me. You were acutely aware of what they were doing to me, yet you'd stay still and quiet as a wooden dummy. And afterwards, you'd laugh with them and talk with them and walk off to your lives, while I had nothing. I didn't walk away from it. I carried it with me all the time." said Snape. "I know..." Lupin said, staring down at the floor. "Yes, we're clear on that. And, let's not forget that they did demand some participation as well as passive cooperation. You'd work to appease them with your feigned superior attitude and your little insults. You wouldn't let them down. You'd pitch in to present a united Marauders front. You wouldn't let them think you were weak. And why?" said Snape.

"Because... I couldn't." said Lupin, agonized. "Oh? Were they threatening you? Or perhaps you'd been put under the Imperius curse, Lupin? Explain why you 'couldn't' react against them." said Snape. Several moments passed. "I couldn't or they wouldn't want me around anymore." Lupin finally admitted. "Of course! How could you bear to be apart from them? Such loving friends! Friends who couldn't tolerate the real you. So you simply dissapeared for them, and put on whatever act they called for. Your wonderful friends, so worthy of your endless admiration. Were they everything you ever looked up to? Empty, grinning, cruel, self aggrandizing, superficial and mindless... Do stop me anytime you feel I'm being unfair, Lupin." said Snape. Lupin did not respond, still staring at the floor. "Naturally, you desperately needed their acceptance. It was worth it to you. It was worth everything." said Snape.

"Get off the floor." said Snape, his wand aimed between Lupin's eyes. Lupin slowly stood up and faced Snape, who stared back with icy rage.

"It's still worth everything to you." said Snape.

"What do you want!" pleaded Lupin.

"Admit that you're just as soulless as your loathesome, wretched friends."

"Yes!"

"You admit that you have no soul?"

"Yes! I admit it! I'm their bitch! I do whatever they say, because I can't handle the thought of being alone. Even if it means I am devoid of all self determination, even if it means I'm nothing but a flattened mass of self-hatred."

"You admit your life is worthless?"

"Yes!"

"Then why should I let you live?"

Lupin, face pained, struggled for a response.

"Are you going to do it?" asked Lupin, quivering.

"No. Why bother? You've already succeeded in killing yourself. Get out." said Snape.

Lupin turned, slowly, and headed towards the door. He made his way home in the moonlit night.

The end.