TITLE: Hold Me
SUMMARY: Sayid's fears about his relationship with Shannon are brought to light when Shannon comes to him drunk. Companion to Rescue Me.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own the characters from Lost and am not making a profit. If they were mine, then there would be more Shayid moments.
AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is the story Rescue Me told from Sayid's point of view.
Sayid laid the phone book he had just finished with next to his backpack from the island. His ear was warm from being on the phone for so long. He had made more phone calls in the past half hour than he thought he had in years. But he had needed everything to be perfect.
He lay down on the hotel bed stretching out his legs. He leaned back against the pillows with a smile on his face. Getting everything together had been much easier than he had anticipated.
First he had called the restaurant he and Shannon had passed earlier that day, during their shopping trip. At first it had looked too fancy for his taste, but when Shannon mentioned how she had always wanted to go there, but no one would take her, he knew he had to get a reservation for them. Then he had called the florist to order Shannon a real bouquet of flowers, instead of the random assortment of jungle flowers he picked and put together for her on the island. Lastly, he had called the jeweler that Shannon and him had visited earlier. He had seen her admiring a ring, but she refused to buy it. The person he had talked to on the phone had told him the ring was called a promise ring, and Sayid felt that was fitting. He planed on giving it to her tomorrow night at dinner, on their first real date. He just hoped she enjoyed everything that he had planned.
He hoped that she was having fun at the bar downstairs with Claire and Kate. She had seemed reluctant to go, repeatedly asking him if he wanted to do something together instead. She said they could rent some of the movies she had told him about on the island. He would have agreed to that immediately, if he hadn't had the idea of a perfect date in mind. He knew she deserved something special.
But he knew that her reluctance was not only because she wanted to spend time with him. She seemed worried about the fact they were going to a bar. She told him that it had been a long time she had any alcohol and seemed concerned about the effect it would have on her. He told her she could still have fun with them, even if she didn't drink anything. She still seemed so hesitant, as if her last experience with alcohol had scarred her. He hoped that he hadn't sounded too harsh when he was pushing for her to go with them, but for his surprise to work, he had needed her to leave.
Since they had spent the entire day together, he didn't think she would mind spending some time with Kate and Claire. After an early breakfast, he and Shannon spent the rest of the day shopping. It was not what he normally would have liked to do, but he was with her, and that was all that mattered. Then again it had been so long since he had any free time, that he wasn't sure what he would like to do anymore. He hated the shopping part, going in and out of every store they walked past, knowing that they would be in there forever and most likely would come out empty handed. Yet, he would go shopping everyday if it meant he got to see Shannon's eyes light up as she looked at the new clothing and accessories, if he got to watch her model the clothes she was trying on. It wasn't much of a sacrifice when he got to see her looking that happy.
He felt lonely now that he wasn't with her, and for the first time he wondered if he made the right decision insisting on separate rooms. He had his reasons, reasons that he wasn't sure Shannon completely understood. Hurt crossed her face, though she tried to mask it, when he told her they should have their own rooms. It lessened somewhat when they gave each other their spare keys. He hadn't been able to voice his reasons to her, and hoped that she realized that it wasn't because he didn't want to be with her. It was just that he was afraid of what would happen now that they were rescued.
Sayid needed to know their relationship could stand them being separated, since on the island they were together constantly. He needed to know that Shannon wanted him because she truly loved him, and not because she wanted his protection. He needed time to figure out what he wanted to do, where he wanted to live, what he wanted to do with his life. He had been running for so long before the crash that he needed to find his place, then find out what Shannon wanted to do with her life, and then they could see how that would fit together. He should have explained himself better to Shannon, but it was difficult to find the words without them sounding too harsh. So he said nothing, which as he thought about it now, probably wasn't the smartest move where Shannon was concerned.
He yawned as the day filled with shopping finally caught up to him, and he decided that he would go to bed. He lay down and closed his eyes. He hoped that Shannon was enjoying herself. He fell asleep quickly, thinking of her and the date he had planned.
The next thing he was aware of was a sharp pain in his stomach. He grunted as his eyes shot open. Shannon's laughter filled his ears as he felt her lips on his. He reached out to pull her closer, wrapping his arms around her waist. She continued kissing him, and he never wanted her to stop. He felt her hand slide down to the waistband of his pants, and grabbed her hand before she could go any further.
"What's going on?" he asked still half asleep.
She flashed him her sexy grin, the one that always caused his heart to beat faster.
"What do you think?" she slurred. "I want you."
He was surprised by the smell of alcohol on her breath, and the way her body swayed even though she was leaning against him.
Sayid pushed some of her hair out of her eyes. "You are drunk."
"No I'm not," she said. "I want to be with you. I'm ready." She leaned forward to kiss him again, but he turned his head before she could. She sat back angrily. "You don't want me anymore?"
"Not like this I don't," he said, as he placed his hands on her waist to push her way. He got out of the bed and walked as far away from her as he could in the small room. Running his fingers through his hair, he turned to her. "Let me take you to your room."
He had to get her out of his room. She said she wanted him, and he wanted her too, had wanted her for a long time. If she kept pushing him, he might give in, and he couldn't let that happen, not when she was drunk. Why did she have to come to him in this condition?
He took a few deep breaths trying hard to relax, and stop the thoughts of her kisses. But he could still fill her lips on his. He felt boxed into the small room, and wished he could get further away.
"I'm not going anywhere." She crossed her arms over her chest. "Any other guy in this building would take me in an instant."
He cringed at her words. He knew they were true.
His jaw clenched. "I am not any guy. I will not take advantage of you."
She snorted. "I know what I'm doing."
His voice softened. "I know you do, but I do not want you to regret your actions in the morning."
He refused to have their first time together be like this. He wanted it to be special, not with Shannon being drunk and feeling badly in the morning. He watched as different emotions played across her face. Her eyes fell on the phone book and backpack that he had left next to the bed. He was surprised to see anger in her eyes.
"Is this because I'm not Nadia? Have you been calling her behind my back?"
He hadn't been prepared for that question. He felt as if she had just slapped him across the face. He didn't know how he was supposed to respond. Shannon knew who Nadia was to him, he had told her everything about her. Did she really think that he still wanted to talk with Nadia? Shannon had asked him about it on the rescue boat, but he had honestly told her that he no longer felt it necessary to obtain Nadia's forgiveness. Did she not trust him?
He could tell that she was getting angrier with him, as she stalked over. She wobbled a little and he reached out to help her, but she pushed him away.
"Did you ever want me, Sayid? Or was I just someone to pass the time with. Now you're here and Nadia was in LA too, right? Is she here now? Have you seen her?" Her voice began to rise with each question. "Did you have sex with her? Is that why you don't want me? You have her and now you can just throw me away."
The questions felt like a knives tearing into his heart; each one hurt more deeply than the last. Sayid couldn't believe Shannon actually thought any of that; he'd been sure she knew how much she meant to him.
"You are drunk and we are not having this conversation now," he said, more harshly than he intended.
"What the hell does that mean? You're just going to blow me off?"
He couldn't answer, knowing that if he did he would say something he would regret. He couldn't do that to her now. Instead, he simply turned and walked out the door.
He closed the door behind him, and leaned against it, closing his eyes. He waited to hear Shannon screaming and throwing things inside, and was surprised when he didn't. He almost went back inside to make sure she was all right, but couldn't. He refused to take the chance that he would say something he would regret later. Instead, he walked down the hallway and sat in the chair by the elevator. He watched the door to his hotel room to make sure that Shannon didn't come out and do something to hurt herself. He decided that he would wait for a little while before going back into the room. He wanted to give them both the chance to cool down.