Chapter 31

A Song

Doubt is a terrible feeling - especially when there is a life resting on the decision that you doubt making. I made a decision, and now after so many years, I feel the cold pang of doubt knock against my heart like a mourning bell. I've nearly driven myself mad trying to justify the actions that I took so many years ago, here in this room… this silent room. But somehow… those decisions don't matter now… not now at the end. It's gone too far…

Passed the point of no return…

Decisions were made, and a life was altered… a life… in this room… in this silent room…

The air seems thin here, where once it was dewy with emotions so much more mysterious than the pure emptiness that now surrounds me. The sheets are still soft, and in my mind I can almost convince myself that her scent still lingers here… here… in this room… in this silent room.

I'm here…

Stutter, shiver, stutter…

"An extraordinary life…" they will someday say… "An extraordinary man." But the very ordinary mortality of life still binds me to death as it does any man… any creature.

Shiver…

I have existed on this planet for many years… but only lived for two or three… In those few precious years when I knew her, and when my darkness was fully shattered by her piercing notes of life, I was given enough understanding of what it is to live, to maintain my existence until now and not digress to the weakness of a deeper darkness than I have ever dwelled in…

Angel of music…

"I will join you…"

I'm here…

Stutter…

Here in this room… in this silent room… here… here…

How can this end? What closure could finally befall this beautiful story?

Wishing you were somehow…

…She calls me softly...

Somehow you would be…

Somewhere… she's here, hiding…

Shiver…

In the end, what is left? Who will remember the truths within these lives?... No one… And perhaps that's the true beauty of the story… It was not meant to be loved, hated, pitied, or studied… Truth grows deeper than any of that… and love even further under the depths of understanding… Forget me… you wouldn't understand anyway…

Silent tears…

Black despair…

Stutter…

I'm here…

I understand now… I know the final diminuendo of the opera of my life… I die alone… In this room… in this silent room…

I'm here…

Alone… but not alone…

And now the light is waning and the conductor slows his hand…

Angel of music

I will be with you…

Angel…

Angel of music…

Angel of…

Angel…