This chapter is different from the previous ones. After the first and only line break within the story, the point of view switches from Scully's first person, to an omniscient third person narrator. It might feel weird, but it worked the best for the story I wanted to tell from there on out.
Thank you guys for your support… I appreciate it. This chapter is my true apology for waiting so long to update my stories (assuming you want to read them, of course!)
I didn't catch sight of him until we were in the lobby, and I shouted at him, but he didn't turn around. I'd like to think he didn't hear me, but I'm sure that the opposite is closer to the truth.
But, still, I followed him, through the throng of people milling about in the lobby—some of them were staring, but I didn't care. That didn't matter.
I watched him thrust the door open, angrily, and step without cover into the downpour that must have started after I said good-bye to David. I hurried up, knowing that I had a good chance of losing him, or he had a good chance of losing me outside.
And something told me that if he got away this time, it would be for good—that there would be no turning back.
I almost tripped on my heels, but I kept going, yelling his name, until finally, I caught up to him.
"Mulder!" I said, grabbing his arm, "Wait!"
He shrugged me off and put some distance between us, though he didn't try to run away.
"Scully." He said, his voice a warning.
"Mulder, we need to talk…"
He shrugged his shoulders, but remained silent.
"Mulder, we need to talk." I repeated, my voice sounding more imploring than before. He still said nothing, just stared at me, so I opened my mouth to begin to speak—he saw my attempt and cut me off.
"No. If anyone's going to talk, I'm going to be the one. You've said quite enough in the past few months." His voice was calm, but I could tell there was anger bubbling just below the surface—I knew he must be killing himself trying to contain it. So, I remained silent, a gesture for him to continue—for him to speak.
He took a deep breath, and all at once everything he'd been feeling in the last few hours, the last few months, came forward. "You're in there talking about how you can't move on… how you can't let go! But what about me?!"
As she stood in the pouring rain, she felt ashamed at her behavior, ashamed at herself, so she did the smart thing, and kept quiet.
He took a step closer to her and said "This isn't what I wanted, you know. This is the last thing on this earth that I wanted. What I wanted was to hold you in my arms everyday of my life and never let you go… that's what I wanted." Another step, "You think this is easy for me? To come here and see you everyday, knowing how much I love you," another step "how much I want you" another step towards her "how much I need you? Do you think it's easy for me??" He paused, expecting her to answer.
She looked down, they were both soaked to the bone, but it didn't matter, nothing else mattered at this moment, and she gave him the only answer she could "N-no."
"You're damn right it's not. I have tried to move on, Scully, I have. I've tried to date other women, believe me, I have TRIED! But it's not easy when every where I turn I see pieces of your presence! I'm standing in my kitchen and I see the coffee mug you used when you stayed over, and I'm right back where I was at day one! I'm incapable of making any progress because every time I walk into my bedroom and look at my bed, I'm reminded of you, I'm back to sleeping on my couch, because I can't stand being in my own bedroom anymore, because it reminds me too much of you, I can't stop the thoughts that invade my mind." Another step, and he was almost toe-to-toe with her, he wasn't angry anymore, but he continued "Everywhere I turn I see you, I feel you, I…hear you. I hear your laughter and it breaks my heart, Scully. It breaks my heart… what's left of it anyway… but I can't look at another woman without comparing her to you…" He trailed off… "And, surprise, surprise, they all fall short in comparison."
She looked at him, searching his eyes, and what she saw there moved her to tears, she saw hurt, she saw the residual bits of anger, still not completely gone, but most of all, she saw love. She saw the love she had been so afraid that he had let go of. She saw it there in his eyes, as unmistakable as the science she so religiously relied upon.
"Scully, I've come to realize that…" He paused. "Even if I live until I'm a hundred and two, there's just no way that I'll ever get over you. Never." The tears rolling down his cheeks mingled with the rain, but she could still see them plain as day, and they triggered tears in her eyes. "But…"
The word sent a shiver down her spine. There was more.
"But what?" she tentatively asked him.
"I don't know if I can go through this again, Scully, I don't know if I can." His voice sounded so meek, and he was still crying, he was still so hurt.
"Through what?" she asked, though she knew plain well what he meant.
He motioned between the small divide that separated them "This, Scully… This."
She brought her hand to his face "Oh, Mulder. I… I never meant to hurt you." She stated.
"But you did." He said, as he brought his hand up to his face to cover hers.
She closed her eyes, ashamed that she had hurt him so. "I know. I'm sorry." She said removing her hand.
He was silent for a moment, and then continued, resolution overcoming his face. "But the thing of it is, Scully, as much as I wanted to hate you for what you'd done to me, as much as I wanted to just let your memory go, I couldn't… I can't" his face was just inches from hers. "You really have no idea how much I wanted to think badly about you, how much I wanted to hate you…but even when I tried, I came back around to the same conclusion, it never changed, it never wavered, not once." He spoke passionately, "And do you know why, Scully? Do you know why I couldn't hate you?"
She shivered, involuntarily, from the cold, from the heavy rain that still poured down with vengeance, from being soaked to the bone, but mostly, from anticipation of his words. Her voice was soft, hopeful, as she asked "Why?"
"Because I'm too damn much in love with you." And with that, he put his hand behind her head, and drew her roughly into a kiss.
She felt her heart drop to her stomach, and then felt her stomach do a little flip. She was startled by his passion, by the fervor with which he kissed her, and it took her a moment to respond. But she returned his kiss with equal passion as she let the tears fall down her face.
Finally, he pulled away from her, and put his forehead to hers. "Tell me what you want, Scully."
She exhaled sharply, unprepared for his question.
He brushed his thumb over her cheekbone, and left his hand there. "Say it."
She swallowed her sob, but she was finally able to speak, and she said it. "You." She put her hand on the back of his neck. "I want you, Mulder……"she trailed off, and broke eye contact with him, but he wasn't about to allow her to get away so easily, he cupped her chin and brought her gaze level with his. "Forever." She said, her voice barely above a whisper. "I love you."
He leaned in for another kiss, this one softer, gentler. But still just as passionate, releasing the tension that had been building since the end.
She broke the kiss this time, smiling.
"Forever, then?" he asked.
He smiled "I'll need some proof." He stated matter-of-factly as he took her by the hand.
She laughed "You'll have plenty of proof when we get back to my apartment."
With that, they began to walk, hand-in-hand down the sidewalk, both drenched to the bone with rain, but neither of them had ever felt so warm.
This story was just a small idea in my head one day, after listening to some music (I seem to get a lot of my inspiration that way), and I don't know if I told it as thoroughly as I would have liked—but I do hope you enjoyed it.
Mulder and Scully are characters close to my heart (although they did not originate there oh how I wish that they did!), and their story on screen (and off through fanfic and other means) speaks volumes about human nature and what it means to live and love.
It is in that sense, that any characters of literature can come alive—on screen, in stories made up by people who admire them, in books, in stories, in song, in film, in life, everyday life, and that which seems larger than it.
All of this to say, thank you for sticking with me, sparse though my updates may be—I enjoy fanfic, and I enjoy so very much hearing what all of you think of my ideas, stories, and the like. I write my stories for me, but even more than that, I write them for you.
Peace and Love mean the same things in any language, and these are the things I wish for you.
Pieces of your presence - Colin Hay
I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done, I feel like talking
Without you here, there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived 'til I was a hundred and two
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whiskey
I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived 'til I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
A face it dances and it haunts me
The laughter still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even, even after all these years
I don't want you thinking that I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
And even though I may seem to a feel a touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
And if I lived 'til I was a hundred and two
I just don't think I'll ever get over you...
-- Colin Hay