Disclaimer: This is here because there's new stuff involved in this special (which does not follow the main series I am writing, this is like the RvB PSA's and specials; can you say "turducken"?). Again, Red vs. Blue is belongs to Rooster Teeth and Halo to Bungie, while all characters and ideas from the webcomic called "The Lounge" belong to John Joseco and Jamie MacKenzie (as well as any affiliates to either of the two). Well then, on to the insanity!
Note: Plain italics will be used to point out narration later on during the dream flashabck. "Italics" in quotes means commentary and/or questions from Simmons and Donut.
Red vs. Blue: The Specials
Special #1: Delusions of Idiocy
It was a fine day at Blood Gulch Outpost Number One, sometime between episodes 3 and 4 of the main shootings/writings. Simmons was casually strolling around the base, looking for Grif.
"Hey, Grif! Get your ass out here, we gotta practice our lines for the next episode!"
"I didn't know we practiced our lines!" Donut walked through the front entrance of the base after hearing Simmons. "Heck, I didn't even know we have a script!"
"Shh! Quiet you idiot!" Simmons scolded. "It's just an excuse to get his sorry ass out of bed! He's been sleeping since noontime!"
"Really? Doesn't sound like a problem to me. Everyone should get their beauty sleep once in a while!"
Simmons stared at Donut as if he was on drugs (who knows?). "...just shut up and follow me."
The maroon and pink soldiers went on their way through the base until the reached Grif's designated sleeping area. He was all spralled out on his back, and his sleeping cot looked like he was moving around in his sleep.
"Ugh... man, what the hell did I eat last night..." moaned Grif as he slowly lifted himself up with his hands. He spotted Donut's legs nearby and looked up to see both him and Simmons staring right at him. "What? Do my sleeping habits excite you or something?"
"Grif, you slept over fourteen hours... it's already 2 in the afternoon!" Simmons asked angerly.
Grif stood up and said firmly, "Hey, it's not entirely my fault! I was having a really weird dream last night and shit."
"Oh come on, you always have those kinds of dreams," Simmons protested. "Like the time you dreamt that you and Sarge had a-"
"Simmons, I thought we agreed NEVER to bring that up again, unless we wanted Sarge to kill us both. SLOWLY."
"...oh yeah, that slipped my mind."
"Well, what was this dream about this time?" Donut asked eagerly. "You are going to tell us, right?"
"Of course I am!" Grif shouted. "I can't keep a dream this crazy all to myself!"
"Oh come on, it can't be THAT weird," Simmons replied. "Just try and freak us out."
"Okay," Grif said slowly. "But I warned yah..."
(INSERT DREAM FLASHBACK TRANSITION EFFECTS HERE)
Well, it all started in this road. Looked like any normal neighborhood road, with houses and cars everything. Nothing out of the oridinary.
"Well, this sucks," I complained. It was then I saw people hiding in the trees, but not normal neighborhood people. It was a bunch of Reds with sniper rifles. They were looking at me, waiting for me to do something. Like I was their commander or something.
"Yeah, that's a laugh!"
Shut up, kissass! Anyway, the sky was looking red for some reason. I didn't know why, but since it was a dream, I didn't really care. It was then I saw this Filipino kid, around 16 or so, walking home from somewhere. Not that I have nothing against them, but he looked weirder than ones I've met before... then I remembered the style he appeared to be was "manga," or some similar word.
"You mean like Japanese style cartoons?"
Yeah Donut, that's the ticket. Kinda like the show we're having this crossover thing with.
"Can we just get on with it?"
Keep your armor on, Simmons. So, this kid, walking to his house, kinda perked my curiousity, so I followed him. We came to this house, his house by the looks of it, and he opened to door. He left it open, so I slipped inside after him, and for some reason he didn't notice me.
"Hey, uh kid? Hello? I'm right here?"
After that didn't work, I walked up behind him and was going to tap him on the shoulder. That's when I saw it.
Shut up and I'll tell you! God! Well, the kid was just stading there, and in the next room was this girl, around his age, and this other guy with white hair, making out with each other. The kid was in shock, because for some reason, I knew that the girl was his girlfriend, and the guy was his older brother.
Yeah, tell me. Anyway, the first kid was shocked only for a second, then he was obviously pissed when his girlfriend noticed him. He turned around to walk out of the house, past me, and that's when I said:
"Um... what the fuck is going on?"
"Hey, where the hell did you come from?" the older guy shouted. He was the same japanese cartoon style as the first, and was almost as tall as me. He looked like some kind of pretty boy, which was REALLY distrubing to me.
"Hey, I'm asking the questions here, buddy. We're you making out with that girl?"
The guy narrowed his eyes at me, like he was going to set me on fire or something with his mind. Not really intimidating. "What's it to you, jackass?"
"Well, call me crazy, but I think she's a little young for you, am I right?"
"..." That son of a bitch looked right at me like he was Sarge or something. But since it wasn't the sergeant, I didn't have any reason to back down. "Why don't you mind you own business, you armored fucktard."
And that's when I got pissed. "Well, Mr. Pedophile, we have ways of dealing with freaks like you." That's when I shot him!
"You shot him?"
Is there an echo in here? Yes, I did fire my gun, but the bastard ducked out of the way and it hit the wall. The girl fainted on the spot, and then the guy decided to shove past me and out the door. I chased after him and saw the snipers in the trees begin firing at him. I didn't know where they learned to shoot, but they missed each shot miserably.
"Sounds like someone I know, Grif."
Ha ha, you're a riot. Continuing on, this pretty boy decides to hop into his car and try to drive away, but then a Warthog appeared out of nowhere next to me, so I get in and we begin a super-cool high-speed highway chase! All along the sides of the roads, Red kept shooting at him, trying to slow him down, and some of the shoots caused lots of random cars to explode in firey balls of death!
Suddenly, I hit a ramp and fly right into the air, overshooting the dude's car and landing in front of him. I hit the brakes and he crashes right into me, totaling his car as well as the Warthog. He flees the scene, but I chase after him with my trusty shotgun.
"You don't have a shotgun, Sarge does!"
Simmons, this is a FREAK'IN dream! Anyway, he's running downtown, which was deserted for some reason, and he trips over this rock, and fall right on his ass and snaps his leg; pretty funny, by the way. So, I finally reach him and aimed the shotgun right at his head.
"So buddy, it's been quite the chase. Unfortunantely, you lost, and now you're going to die."
"You can't be serious?" he yelled. "YOU'RE CRAZY!"
"Yeah, I'm a crazy son of a bitch," I said to the guy. "But of course... that what I was TRAINED to be..."
So, instead of shooting the guy's head like I was going to, I reach behind me and pull out a flag out of nowhere, tossing the shotgun aside. And then, I started beating that pretty-boy pedophile to death with it!
"Wait, a second, you beat someone to death with a FLAG?"
Yeah, cool, wasn't it? Anyway, I pull off these SWEET ASS killer moves, snapping bones and spilling blood, and when he was down for the count, I flipped him over onto his stomach and RAMMED the flag down into his spine.
"Eww... that's nasty, Grif! Pretty brutal too!"
My dream, my rules Donut. Anyway, the guy was dead, and the sky at this point was now as colored the standard issue red. I looked around the area of my kill, and then, I raised my right fist into the air, and shouted to no one in particular:
"BLOW IT ALL UP! BURN IT ALL DOWN! ATTACK EVERYTHING!"
Then, all hell broke loose. Longswords and Pelicans came screaming out of the sky and start bombing shit up, Warthogs and tanks come out of the alleys and blow more shit up, and literally THOUSANDS of Reds came from everywhere else, shooting anything that wasn't themselves. And in the meantime, I was laughing anf laughing, until nothing was left standing, and all the Reds were looking at me.
"Oh great and mighty Grif," one of the Reds shouted, "We have destroyed the city at your command, and all how stood in our way have tasted justice! What shall we do now?"
"Why, the same thing we do every time we blow up a webcomic that pisses me off," I said, then stared into space at nobody in particular. "BLOW UP SOME MORE!"
"YOU FUCKING ASSHOLE, YOU BLEW IT ALL UP!" This new voice caught me off guard, and I looked up to see some blue guy, he looked almost like Church, except his helmet had weird fins on the sides, standing on a building above me with a sword. "YOU KILLED THEM ALL! YOU WEBCOMIC-KILLING FUCKTARD! YAHHHHHHHHH!"
He leaps off the building and raises the sword, falling and ready to slie my head open, when SUDDENLY-
(END DREAM SEQUENCE)
"HEY MAGGOTS!" All three Red soldiers turned to see Sarge nearby, obviously pissed. "What the the blazes are you doing standing around fer? Can't you see every minute you lollygag around, we're losing valuable time to kick ass and take names?"
"Sorry sir!" Simmons shouted, "We were just finishing listening to Grif talk about this strange dream he had."
"Strange dream, what are- wait, this better not be the one about-"
"HELL NO!" Grif shouted. "This is totally different from whatever you're thinking!"
"Shut up, shut up, shut UP!" Donut shouted. "I want to here what happened next!"
"Son, what could be so- aww the hell with it." Sarge turned to Grif in defeat and said. "Hurry up and finish you're story, and don't bother starting from the beginning, because I DON'T CARE!"
"I thought you wouldn't, Sarge." Grif cleared his throat and resumed his story. "Anyway, this blue guy is coming down fast, ready to slice my head open-"
"Slice yer head open? Now I AM interested!" Simmons and Donut shushed Sarge for the unnecessary interupting.
"The dude was just about to impale my head with that sword of his, when SUDDENLY..." The suspense held the three other soldiers as Grif prepared to reveal the conclusion this his tale. "...I find myself in this black space, someone punches me back of my head and says 'DON'T YOU EVER DO ANYTHING LIKE THAT IN REAL LIFE, EVER!' And that's when I woke up."
A sudden silence filled the base. For minutes, not on soldier spoke, until Simmons stared right at Grif and said:
"That's IT? That's the end? That ending made not fucking SENSE!"
"I told you my dream was weird! But you didn't believe me, did you?"
"Somehow, I found it offensive," Donut said sternly. "Why would you go out and destroy webcomics anyway? What did they ever do to you?"
"I DON'T KNOW, DONUT!" Grif shouted. "IT'S A FUCKING DREAM THAT MADE NO FUCKING SENSE! WHAT DO YOU FUCKING WANT FROM ME?"
(Meanwhile, at Blue Base...)
Tex stared at the Red base through her sniper rifle, barely seeing the arguement between Grif and Donut. "Okay, I really have no idea what the hell they're doing over there."
"Not that I care, but yeah, they do that a lot," Church replied. It was then he heard a shout from inside the base from none other than Tucker.
"DUDE! Church, get down here!" the cyan soldier replied. Church groaned and quickly jumping through the roof of the base to where Tucker was using a laptop.
"What, the hell, is it this time Tucker? Caboose didn't stuff salami in the CD drive, did he?"
"No, this is worse! Look!"
Church followed Tucker's finger to see a webcomic called "The Lounge" on the screen. He looked at the screen, then back at Tucker, then to screen, and then Tucker once again. "So? What's you're point?"
"Church! Max's brother Scott is making out with Amy! He's like five years older than him! This is sick! We have to do something!"
Church sighed and said, "Tucker, just because you don't agree with something happening in a webcomic you don't like, doesn't me you can just run off and start shooting things to change it."
"Shooting things to change it? Great idea, I was just gonna flame the message boards! Let'd go get Sheila and-"
"No no no, you don't get it!" Church shouted, then turned down his voice. "The author came by earlier and said that if we go and try to attack 'The Lounge' universe, the creators, or even the server, he would blow us up and feed our bodies to the Flood, after he pisses on the corpses! And I just got my body back, so forget it!"
Tucker looked at Church for the next few seconds. "Well crappy hell. Guess it'll just flame the authors then." The cyan soldier went back to typing on his laptop as Church went out back.
"Hey, Caboose, can you take some more salami and- HOLY FUCK, YOU IDIOT!"
KRABOOM! Church barely dodged the tank shell from Sheila's barrel, which connected itself to the side of the Blue base. Caboose ran up to Church to see if he was alright.
"I am SO sorry Church. I just wanted to show Mr. Ash how fun it is the drive Sheila!"
Church got up, glared at Caboose, then ran up to Sheila if an angry huff. "Hey Ash, get the hell out of our tank!"
The Pokémon trainer lifted the driver canopy and looked out at the Spartan. "Hell no! I haven't even been introduced yet, and I want some goddamn action!"
"Yeah, stop trying to spoil our fun," Sheila added. She and Ash then road off to the middle of the canyon, Church on the verge of a breakdown.
"Dear god in heaven... why do you hate me so?"
Author's Note: Nothing more to say here. Episode Four will be up soon.