Knowing I'll Survive

Disclaimer: The characters aren't mine…:darn: The song is 'Die Like This' by Fuel.

Author's Notes: Not quite the fluffy Kate is still alive fic I promised, but hey…she's alive! I'm still working on the fluffy one, it's coming along slowly but surely. Anyways, here's this one to tie you over. :P Please r&r!

Spoilers: I mention Ari once, so I guess 'Reveille'.

Rating: T

Kate glanced over at the man lying on the other side of her bed. This wasn't supposed to happen. It was never supposed to ever go farther than the occasional touches, the longing looks, the tension. But then it did. And it led to tonight.

She was pretty sure that it would never work. His track record alone should have been able to attest to that. Hell…her track record could attest to that. It seemed that every week there would be a different man sharing her bed. But this seemed so…different.

She listened to the sound of his breathing mixed in with the sound of the rain beating against her bedroom window. Suddenly, the thought struck her, she wanted to be held. She didn't usually like to cuddle with the men that shared her bed, but now she found she wanted to feel his strong arms wrapped around her waist, feel his warm breath dance across her skin. She wanted him.

And the killer was, she wasn't sure if she could ever have him. She could have this, whatever it was…but not necessarily him. She wasn't sure what the daylight would bring, and that scared her senseless. She didn't know how he was going to react to what they had done, and wasn't sure if she even wanted to know.

She didn't want to get her heart broken. It had happened before, with Richard, and she had spent almost a year picking up the pieces. She was ready to spend her life with him, and came home one night to find him in bed with another woman. She had chucked the diamond ring he gave her at his head, and screamed until she was hoarse. She had cried herself to sleep for a month after that night.

She knew that if she let this go farther, that he could break her into a million pieces. He would worm his way into her heart, and make her believe that everything could work. And she would love every minute of it. But the inevitable moment would come, and he'd be gone, and she'd be broken. She didn't want to be broken.

She just shook her head, and chuckled softly. There was just one problem. He was already in her heart. Anything he wanted from her could be his in a snap. If…when this ended, her heart wouldn't be in one piece. There was no way it could get out alive.

But there was always that chance that it could, wasn't there? Or was she young and naïve, exactly what she didn't want to be with him, to believe that he could actually love her the way she loved him. A lone tear ran down her cheek, and she didn't bother to wipe it away.

She feared what the morning would bring, but a part of her had to know. The next morning could completely alter the rest of her life. If he told her it was a mistake, she would accept it, and hand in her resignation on Monday. After all, he had warned her not to pull 'this crap' at NCIS. If he told her it wasn't a mistake…her brain couldn't really wrap itself around that concept. So many things could, and would change in their relationship. And she still couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not.

She rolled over to face him. He looked at peace. Abby once told her about when he was looking for Ari and he feel asleep in his chair, and how his eyeballs were 'disco-dancing'. Was it a good thing he looked at peace here, in her bed? She shook her head, chuckling to herself. For God's sake, he was asleep, how could she read so much into a man's sleeping habits?

Her hand came up and gently cupped his cheek, and she scooted just a little bit closer to him. "Oh Gibbs," she whispered, "Why did it have to be you?"

She could deal with it if it were Tony. It would just be…Tony. Hell, she could probably look him in the eye the next day at work. But with Gibbs, everything was different, and suddenly much more complicated. He stirred, and she jolted away from him, as if she had forgotten he was even there.

His eyes opened slowly, and took a moment to focus on Kate. A soft smile graced his face. "Katie." He murmured, his voice husky with sleep. She smiled softly at him, her hair falling into her eyes. "C'mere."

She scooted close to him, and he slung an arm around her waist. She placed a gentle hand on his chest, and he smiled down at her as he tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. Maybe this wasn't forever…but she'd take what she could get.

Author's Notes: Hope ya'll enjoyed it! It was meant to come out a lot more angsty, but my mood became better by the end of the story…:P Hope you liked it anyway! Please review and tell me what you thought! Oh, btw, here's the lyrics to the song that inspired the idea for this fic.

The angels cry tonight
As the rain washed that lonely place
From their eyes
And softly as she said
You know our hearts will never get
Out alive
She made no sound
Then good bye
She said love don't call me again
I never want to cry like this
Die like this
No more favors my old friend
I never want to cry like this
Die like this
And so we danced alone
But pain is always so betrayed
With our eyes
But I know now
On hearts the faithless can't rely
Do dreams make no sound
As they die
Remember the nights
By the river side
No secrets from our sins
And the world would not subside
And the worst thing
Is knowing
That I'll survive