Can You Hear Me Now?

Summary: Hermione Granger speaks, but no one hears her. What should she say to get Harry's and Ron's attention?

Ron and Harry sat in the Gryffindor Common Room by the fireplace. They had just gotten back in from outside. Hagrid had asked for there help with something that should not be spoken of.

They had dirt on their clothes and lots of holes as well. Cuts on their faces and arms. Ron was bleeding on his right arm. Hagrid gave him some dragon meat to put on it. Ron didn’t like the feeling of the green blood running down his arm.

Hermione walked down the stairs with a smile on her face. She took a nap, read a book and ate some cookies that Mrs. Weasley had sent her. She walked to the couch and saw Harry and Ron and gave a little laugh.

"What happened?" She asked

"I can't believe he did that!" Ron said looking into the fire.

"What happened to you Ron?" She asked sitting down next to him.

"He's EVIL!" Harry yelled the last part.

Hermione looked from Harry to Ron. Looking them over again. Their cuts, ripped clothing, and their blank looks.

"Again are you two okay?"

"E... V... I...L!" Ron spelt slowly

"What are you two doing?"

"I should KILL HIM!" Harry yelled the last part again.

"ANSWER ME!" Hermione yelled.

"Never again!" Ron whispered shaking his head.

"So you guys cant hear me?" she asked

"Death upon him!" Harry said throwing his only shoe into the fire.

"Okay I see where this is going. I love Draco Malfoy." She put one hand to her mouth and another one on her stomach.

"Why...Why... WHY!" Ron yelled throwing his hands in the air.

"Ron I am madly in love with you. Marry me?" Hermione asked

"How could he?" Harry asked himself.

"Harry your sexy. You're a beast!" Hermione said trying not to laugh.

"I don't see why he asked us..." Ron said, now throwing his dragon meet into the fire.

"Ron, Harry want to go swim naked in the lake?" she asked

"The howls of pain my poor ears." Harry said touching his ears.

"I love sexy poodles in pink underwear." Hermione said turning the dragon meet in the fire.

"My arm..." Ron picked the dragon meat out of the fire and put it back on his arm. Dragon blood poured out with grease.

"Ron, you red haired fascination of mine, shag me now!"

"When I get my hands on him..." Harry said making a fist.

"Harry, Ron I love you both so much Im going to tie you to me and Ginny's beds and make you watch Professor Snape do the nasty with Draco."

"All the water." Ron cried out.

"If I take a carrot, can I make lemon stew?" She asked holding up a carrot and a lemon.

"And the fur!" Harry said hitting Hermione in the face.

"Draco touched me to day and it felt good," Hermione gagged a moment before continuing, " really, really good."

"CLAWS!" Ron yelled standing up and then sitting down like nothing had ever happened.

"I shagged Professor Snape yesterday before class and he is so good with his hands." She threw up in the fire and it only flickered.

"I cant move and its all his fault!" Harry half yelled and half standing up but falling down.

"I made out with Cho yesterday." Hermione gagged again.

"I think I lost my tooth!" Ron said putting a dirty hand in his mouth and pulling out a tooth.

"I was locked up in a broom closet with Dumbledore and he was wearing a super tight speedo. He asked me if I would lather him in tanning oil and I said yes." Hermione said remembering the time Harry had said the password to get into Dumbledore's office

"NO NOT THE PASSWORD!" Harry yelled snapping out of whatever he was in.

See Password for more info.

"Harry?" Hermione asked

"Hermione?" Harry asked.

"What about Ron?"

"Ron, there's a spider on your shoulder." Harry kind of laughed.

Ron jumped up taking his hand and started patting himself like her was killing spiders or throwing them off of him. After a minute he stopped and looked at Harry, breathing hard.

"Harry...the spiders were on me. They... they were touching me! HARRY I HATE SPIDERS!" Ron yelled grabbing Harry by the shirt collar and shaking him.

"What happened to you two?" Hermione asked.

Ron and Harry looked at each other and sat down. Ron let out a long sigh and started to tell their story.

"Hagrid asked if I would help him wash Fang and I said yeah. Then I asked Harry to help me cause he's a muggle and he knows how to wash dogs. Well that's what I thought." Ron looked at Harry who turned red in the face. This time Harry started to tell the story.

"So we went down this morning to help Hagrid with Fang. We got warm water, dog shampoo, a leash and collar, and cups. Hagrid wanted to do it the old muggle way. So I put Fang on a leash and he was okay. Then we put him in the water and it all went wrong."

Hermione moved a little in her seat so she was looking at them both now. This time Ron started the story.

"Fang jumped at me. He bit my face and my arms. His eyes burned into my eyes. He was like a hell hound. He changed before my eyes. It was like he went from nice Fang to fire hell hound. I thought he was going to kill me. Then Hagrid pulled him off with a laugh and put him back in the water and started to wash him."

Hermione put a hand on Ron's shoulder but Ron jumped in pain. Tears running down his face so Harry went on.

"Fang then turned on me. He jumped on me like a bum on a ham sandwich. Hagrid pulled him off of me faster than he did Ron but still HELL HOUND! So then when we were finished Fang ran at us. He chased us up a tree and Hagrid saved us again. Fang some how got hold of Ron's arm and that's how he got that cut."

Ron held up his arm to show Hermione his arm, which was now puffy and green.

"Yeah, the hell hound got hold of my arm. He came out of nowhere like mist. His body formed from the sky and jumped at my arm. His teeth felt like fire tearing into my flesh. His body was moving like lighting trying to take my arm off. Then he stopped as Hagrid came out with dragon meet. He gave me a little and the rest to Fang."

"Are you going to be okay Ron?" Hermione asked.

"Ill be fine, don't worry about me."

"You're being really brave Ron."

Hermione and Ron sat there looking into each others eyes. Ron looked into her eyes and she looked into his.

"WEEEEEE!" Harry yelled jumping between the two of them. He pushed them both backwards as he feel to the ground. Ron half flipped over his chair and Hermione almost went into the fire.

"Harry!" they both said.

"Im sorry I just remembered something Hermione said."

"What's that?" Ron asked.

"Hermione do you still want to go swimming in the lake naked with me and Ron?" Harry asked. Ron's face light up as if he just remembered something important.

"Yes Hermione how was the shag with old Snape yesterday?"

"Shut up!"

Hermione got up and started walking out of the Common Room with Harry and Ron behind her still making fun of the things she said.

"How is that lemon stew?"

"So it felt good when Malfoy touched you did it?"

"SHUT UP!" she yelled running down the halls...

The End.

I would like to thank my friends Chrys, Bob and Naomi.

THANKS and Im still going to kill you because there is no Jim.