Disclaimer: They don't belong to me, but wouldn't it be fun if they did? Sadly, I don't think I can even lay claim to the dumpster.
A/N: This is my first SVU Fanfic so please review.
The whole thing kept playing back in Olivia's mind as if someone were rewinding a videotape to rewatch a favorite scene. Only in slow-motion. The same scene repeated itself over and over, and yet there was nothing she could do to prevent it. It was like a reccuring nightmare. Except this was real life.
The suspect ran ahead and ducked into a nearby alley way with Elliot and Olivia still in hot pursuit. As they rounded the corner, Olivia reacted before she even saw the gun. She sent her partner flying headlong behind the overflowing dumpster as the shot was fired. A blinding pain ripped through her body as the bullet tore into her abdomen. Elliot was shouting something. At least she thought it was Elliot. She couldn't tell. The pain was so great, she couldn't focus on anything else. She was slowly falling to the cold, wet pavement. Another shot rang out and Elliot appeared at her side. He was speaking to her, but she couldn't understand any of it. It was as if he were just mouthing the words. They had no sound.
She could feel something warm and sticky forming a pool around her. She shuddered at the thought of her own blood seeping away. There was just so much of it. The darkness began to set in as the wail of the ambulance grew nearer. Olivia felt someone lifting her onto something almost as hard as the ground, but not nearly as cold or wet. The gurney, she realized. She was rushed into the ambulance and could feel the jostling as it sped away from the scene.
From that point on, Olivia had no idea what had happened. She didn't know where she was, or even, for that matter, whether she was alive or dead. She assumed she was still with the living, but was unable to see or hear anything other than the thoughts racing through her mind. No matter what point in her life was flashing before her eyes, it always came back to one thought. Elliot. He had always been there for her. A partner who had her back. A friend to share some laughs. A shoulder to cry on. And because he had been all this for her, his life had been shattered to pieces.
She had ruined his life. It was because of her that his marriage had crumbled. He hadn't ever told her and would never tell her this, but she knew. She could see it in his eyes and she saw it in Kathy's eyes every time she had the misfortune of meeting her. It was all her fault that he could only see his children on the weekends or whenever Kathy allowed. Those kids were his everything, and she had taken that away from him. Not once did he ever blame her. He didn't need to. She blamed herself.
And yet, though all the pain in his life could be traced back to her, he was still there for her whenever she needed it. She had no clue as to how he could even stand the sight of her anymore. Maybe, if she had never come along, he would be better off. Of course, he would have been. Olivia knew she couldn't take back what had already been done, but maybe if she wasn't in the way anymore, Elliot could pick up the shattered pieces of his life and put it back together. She knew this wasn't at all possible. The damage had already been done. The damage that she had caused. She had tried to be there for him to return the favor, but sometimes it just seemed to make it worse.
Olivia could feel an invisible force pulling her away from life. She was in pain. So much pain. Some came from the actual bullet, but even more came from the realizations she had been making. How easy it would be to just forget everything and let go. It would feel so good. All the pain she felt would just vanish completely. Everything would be so much better. Her body, her mind was telling her to just let go, but her heart wasn't so sure. The main reason she had for letting go was also the one thing stopping her. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't forget. At the brink of death, Elliot was still the only thing she saw.
She could hear his voice somewhere in the distance pleading with her to stay. He was praying, begging the Lord to let her live. She then heard him say something she had always wanted to hear him say. Those forbidden words.
"I love you, Olivia Benson." Had she heard him right? Was she just imagining it? She hoped it was true. She didn't want to be hurt any more. But then she heard something more.
" I have always loved you, Liv."
It was at that moment that she knew if she left, she would cause him even more agony. She didn't want to hurt him anymore. She had to fight. Fight this invisible foe that was pulling her away. As hard as it may be, she had to live. She had to survive. For him. Her one true love. Her soul mate. For Elliot. Her Elliot.
Olivia awoke to find herself in a hospital room. She didn't know how long she had been there. She could see Cragen, Munch, and Fin through the window. They were all waiting patiently, expectantly for any news. They looked horrible. She couldn't seem to find Elliot, when she realized he was right there beside her, holding her hand. He had been there the entire time, holding her hand in his.
He was asleep. Peaceful for the first time in a while, by the looks of it. He looked terrible. She shuddered at how much she'd made him suffer.
Olivia shifted slightly and Elliot awoke. His eyes were red and puffy. He'd been crying. Olivia mentally chided herself for waking him. He needed sleep. Lots of it. She knew she had to say something. There was so much she wanted, needed to say. So many things were flowing through her mind. ' I love you, Elliot.' ' I need you.' 'I want to spend the rest of my life with you.' 'I want to marry you.' 'I want to have kids with you.' But all she could seem to say was...
"Hi," she said in almost a whisper. "You look like hell." Elliots face broke into a smile as he chuckled.
"Hi," he replied, relieved. "I'm so glad your back. The doctor said you weren't gonna make it."
"Doctor's don't know anything," she joked, "but, I almost didn't."
"What do you mean by that?" He asked, worriedly.
"I mean I almost let go, but something was holding me back, keeping me here."
"Well, what kept you here, then?" Elliot wondered, "Couldn't part with Munch's good looks?"
"No, you did," She replied with tears in her eyes. "El, you did."
A/N: Everyone, if anyone that is, who read this...PLEASE Review. Tell me what you think...Should I keep writing or give up entirely and go back to something less dangerous, such as reading or even, sleeping? Anyway, please review.