THE MINISH CAP HIATUS IS OVER! YAAAAY! WELCOME BACK, MC!

Ok, this chapter is weird. But I think you might like it. It's a violent concept, yes, but hey -- it has scotty dogs in it!

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Chapter 7 -- The Cave of Flames and Gleerok

Link and Ezlo entered the Cave of Flames.

"Wow. It's a cave. A hot cave, full of lava. Whoop," muttered Link rolling his eyes.

"YOU MUST SHOW RESPECT TO YOUR ELDERS!" preached Ezlo.

"What the fuck does THAT have to do with this?" Link snapped.

"Sorry," said Ezlo, "Sometimes my other personality takes over..."

Link didn't want to hear anymore on that subject, so he began walking. Quite quickly, rather.

"YO! HALT! YOU BE IN DA HOMIE TERRITORY NOW, BITCH!" said some ghetto Moblins who lept in their way.

"Are you guys posers or something?" Link asked, raising a brow.

"Yo, shortie, don't you be dissin' our ways! We are members of the famous gang called the Jo's! The hippest gang in all of the Cave of Flames, ruled by our hip puppy-dawg-dawg, slimmy-shortie Gleerok!" said one of the Moblins.

Link and Ezlo noticed that they were wearing purple bandanas.

"Ummm..ok...but what's a gang doing in the Cave of Flames? And what do you want with us?" Link asked.

"Listen, shortie... We ain't be the only bad-ass motha-fuckin' gang in this joint. We're competing with this gang of dick-wads... The Scott-Irish Mafia, yo."

"The Scott-Irish have a mafia?" Ezlo asked.

"They ain't people, man! They be leperchauns and scotty dogs!" said a Moblin.

"Leperchauns and scotty dogs? What the hell?" Link wondered aloud.

"It's true, homie! And if you join our gang and kill them all, we'll let you see the big man Gleerok!"

"Woah, sweet. I always wanted to join a gang," Link said, grinning and taking a purple bandana as it was handed to him.

"NO! BAD LINK! BAD, BAD, BAD! YOU DO NOT JOIN GANGS!" Ezlo screamed. Link tied the bandana over his beak.

"Ok...where can I find these 'Scott-Irish'...?"


"Alright, me laddies and lassies! Now, we must prepare for any attacks by the Jo's! Ya hear!" trilled a leperchaun to an army of his fellows and scotty dogs.

"AYE!" they all shouted.

"We must expect the unexpected! We must --"

But then suddenly, Link rode in on a quad, wieling a large machine gun.

"WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He began shooting the screaming Scott-irish. They were dead in minutes. Ezlo writhed, trying to escape the bandana, but it was useless without hands.


"Well done, newbie. You totally whooped their asses, dawg! You can go see the chief dawg now, dawg," said one of the Moblins, handing Link the Big Key.

"He be right down that hall and to the left, shortie!" said another.

"'Kay, thanks m' homies!" called Link over his shoulder as he headed for the boss room.

The bandana fell off of Ezlo.

"GANGS ARE BAD, LINK! THEY DON'T STAND UP STRAIGHT!" barked Ezlo.

"Well, at least there was a brief period of quiet..." Link grumbled. "I hate you, Ezlo."

"This isn't Ezlo..." said Ezlo darkly. Link remembered his 'multiple-personality-biz', and walked a little faster. At last, he entered the boss room.


The boss room was a dark room in the middle of which was a desk with a large office chair. The chair was turned away. There was someone sitting in it...

"Ummm...Gleerok?" called Link. "I'm here to kill you."

The chair spun to face Link and Ezlo abrubtly. Seated in it was a Pokemon-looking-turtle-like creature, holding a bowl of spaghetti.

"You come to see me?" Gleerok asked in an Italian accent.

"Well, duh. I've come to kill you, too. If you surrender quietly, I'll do you a favor and kill you faster..." snarled Link, drawing his sword.

Gleerok stood up on its turtle-ish feet.

"It is not me you want to kill, my child..." he rasped.

"I came here to get the Fire Element! If you hand it over, then maybe I'll spare your life!"

"I will not be threatened! I am a mafia leader!"

"Your followers are rappers, bitch!"

"I told them they were an Itallian Mafia, not a gang. But did they listen?" snapped Gleerok.

Ezlo opened his mouth to say something, but the Italian beast cut him off.

"NO! THEY DID NOT LISTEN!" Link and Ezlo recoiled.

"They became rappers anyway! Now listen...I am not your enemy," said Gleerok.

"Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Willis?" Link asked.

"Vaati is the enemy. He shaves his legs and mollests puppy dogs. DO YOU WANT THAT TO CONTINUE TO HAPPEN?" Gleerok bellowed.

"H-he mollests...p-puppies?" Ezlo asked through tears. Link hung his head in shame.

"The dirty bastard..." he murmured.

"Listen...I am going to make you an offer you can't refuse..." purred Gleerok.

Link lifted his head.

"What is it you want, ummm...'my lord'?"

"Kill Vaati. I will pay you handsomely if you do so. And if you don't, I'll do THIS!" Gleerok picked up his fork (mysteriously without fingers or thumbs) and stabbed a meatball. Ezlo gasped.

"'AYE! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, COMPARING ME TO A MEATBALL!" Link snapped.

"Because you look like one," Ezlo stated.

"Wha...?"

Gleerok added, "The bird hat is right, my child. You are a little round..."

"And your hair is lumpy. Like a meatball," commented Ezlo.

"Well, screw you guys. Why...when the apocolypse comes, you'll all --"

"On to important matters!" huffed Gleerok. "Now, will you kill Vaati, or won't you?"

Link sighed.

"I will. I was going to do that anyway, just so you know..."

"A good boy, you are. Even if you are fat and lumpy-haired," complimented Gleerok.

"I'M NOT FAT, I'M FESTIVELY PLUMP, AND YOU WOULD BE TOO IF YOUR GRANDFATHER TARRED AND FEATHERED YOU ON THURSDAYS!" Link declared defensively.

"I suppose you're right. But here -- take this Fire Element. May it help you destroy Vaati. And no matter where you go, you will always be an honored member of my mafia, Link. Good luck on your journey," said Gleerok, handing Link the Fire Element.

"Hot piss!" Link cheered.

"Come on, you son of a bitch! Melari's probably done with the sword by now," said Ezlo.

"Whatever, Ezlo..."

Ezlo's eyes glazed over, and his expression darkened.

"Who is this Ezlo you keep talking about?"