Notes: Partially a submission to my own challenge over on the KP Slash Board: to come up with a story involving Shego and the tweebs.

Summary: Drakken and Shego try to stop Kim by capturing those closest to her. Only, it doesn't really work out as planned...

The Usual Suspects

A Kim Possible Ficlet by

Nate Grey (XMAN0123-at-aol-dot-com)

Attempt 1: Sidekick

Scrapped for: Failure to Communicate

Dr. Drakken sneered down at his hostage. "Well, well, well. Isn't this a precarious predicament? You, who have witnessed Kim Possible in action more than anyone else, finally in my evil clutches. Let me assure you, little man, that I plan to loosen your lips with nothing but the finest tortures!"

Shego sighed, leaning on the chair, where the hostage was held in place by several ropes. "Um, Dr. D?"

"Not now, Shego! I'm gloating!"

"But-"

"SHEGO! GLOATING!"

Shego rolled her eyes. "Fine. Please, continue."

"Thank you." Drakken turned back to his hostage. "Oh, how I have waited for this day! Today, the secrets of that troublesome teenager are mine! And YOU will tell me everything you know, OR ELSE!"

"There's just one itty bitty problem," Shego interrupted.

"WHAT!" Drakken shouted at her.

Shego grabbed his head and shoved it towards the hostage. "YOU DON'T SPEAK RAT!"

Rufus looked between them, blinking slowly.

Drakken blinked as well. "Oh. Right."


Attempt 2: Girlfriend

Scrapped for: Conflict of Interest

"And this 'secret' evil lair would totally benefit from a better color scheme. Like yours, Shego!"

"Oh, you're just saying that in an attempt not to be tortured," Shego replied.

"Is it working?"

Shego smirked and leaned forward. "For the moment. Go on."

"Cool. As I was saying, green and black is SO in right now. And if you tore out that wall, maybe put the supercomputer over there, brought in lots and lots of little matching lamps-"

"SHEGO!" Drakken shouted. "You're supposed to be questioning her, not getting fashion tips!"

"ANYWAY, blue and green totally clash. Get rid of him, quick."

Drakken glared at her. "Who do you think you're AAAAAHHH! SHEGO, PUT ME DOWN THIS INSTANT!"

Once Shego was done tossing him out of the room, Shego returned to her seat, brushing off her hands. "Sorry about that."

Monique smiled at her. "No problem. Hey, I'm not really supposed to talk about this, but Club Banana is about to announce their new summer swimwear line. Wanna go down to the mall and see it before anyone else?"

"You could do that?" Shego paused. "Wait. I could do that!"

"I've got a key."

Shego held up a glowing fist. "So do I."

"My key won't set off the alarms, though. And, if you let me go, I'll even get you three outfits on my CB charge card."

"What's the point? I could steal them myself!"

Monique sighed. "Do you really need to add yet another count of theft to your record? One day, you'll get tired of running, and you'll regret those last few crime sprees, and the years they add on to your life sentences. Chances are you'll live longer, thanks to your powers."

"Yeah? What do you care?"

"You're a Club Banana customer! It's my job to care!"

"So it doesn't bother you that tomorrow I might be trading blows with your best friend?"

Monique shrugged. "Hey, I stay out of Kim's work-related stuff, she does the same. And how's she going to know, unless you wear them on the job?"

"Good point."

"So let's talk size. What are you, a two?"

"Oh, now I KNOW you're trying to get out of the torture."


Attempt 3: Parents

Scrapped for: Too Much Communication

"Ninety-two bottles of pop on the wall, ninety-two bottles of pop! You take one down and pass it around, ninety-one bottles of pop on the wall!"

"SHEGO, MAKE THEM STOP!" Drakken bellowed.

Shego glared at him. "I tried! But you said I couldn't gag them so they could tell you everything!"

"I DIDN'T MEAN THIS!"

"You know," Mrs. Possible said, "you could just let us go."

Drakken frowned at her. "HA! You think I'm going to fall for that?"

"One more time!" Mr. Possible called.

"Ninety-one bottles of pop on the wall!"

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHH!" Drakken screamed, banging his head against the wall.


Attempt 4: Brothers

Scrapped for: Reckless Endangerment

"What's THIS do?"

"NO!" Drakken howled as his particle cannon exploded.

"This EMP disrupter will NEVER work at full capacity without a better power source."

"PLEASE STOP!" Drakken begged as his newly purchased annihilation beam went up in flames.

"You could probably increase your plasma output if you took deeper breaths when you fired," Jim noted, tugging off Shego's gloves.

"HEY! Give those back!" Shego snapped.

"How do you get this off?" Tim asked, pulling at Shego's arm. "There's no zipper or anything!"

"BACK OFF!" Shego ordered, her hands blazing.

"Could I borrow some of that? We're working on this destruct-o-matic, and some plasma would probably help big time!" Jim said in awe.

"GET THEM OUT OF MY LAIR!" Drakken yelled.

Shego grabbed the boys by their collars and dragged them to the door.

"We can always come back," Tim relented.

Jim nodded. "Yeah, Kim has all his addresses written down, anyway."

Attempt 5: The OTHER Sidekick

Scrapped for: Unplanned Interference

"Dude, really, this isn't a good day for me!"

"Silence, buffoon!" Drakken commanded. "Now that I have you right where I want you, you will tell me EVERYTHING there is to know about-"

"MONKEY NINJAS ATTACK!"

"WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE MONKEYS!" Ron wailed.

"Fiske, what do you think you're doing?" Drakken demanded. "This is MY week and you know it!"

Monkey Fist glared at him. "Nonsense, Drakken! I reserved this week to best Ron Stoppable months in advance and YOU know it!"

"SHEGO! GET THE SCHEDULE!"

"Why? It's your lair, so kick them out!"

Drakken had to admit that made sense...until he remembered all the monkey ninjas glaring at him. "Ah...um...Shego? A little help?"

"Sorry. I'm on my break."

"MONKEY NINJAS ATTACK!"

"AH! OW! MY SCAR! IT'S RUINED!"

Ron winced. "Guess it wasn't a good day for you, either..."

The End.