Author's Note: Haven't updated for a while… All review (including those who find my humour lame) is appreciated. Thankyou thankyou thankyou. Now keep readin' y' scurvy dogs!

Disclaimer: By now you should know I don't own the Last Samurai. I wish oh I really, really do wish I did owned Captain Jack Sparrow…But I don't sob


Yo ho Yo ho off to Japan we go!

On a ship to Tokyo.

Captain Algren found himself waking up in the boat, only regretting it after the hangover plus the sea-sickness came.

It seems that the fed-up Colonel threw him on board while he was unconscious. It took a while for him to figure where he was, until one of the annoyed sailors finally politely explained his situation, getting sick of his nagging. Algren sincerely expressed his gratitude by getting sick all over him.

Algren: (a voice over while he stares out to the horizon)

Dear Diary.

I'm on a boat in the middle of the sea, and it looks as thought that ignorant colonel is illegally importing me to a different country to do his dirty work. He's sooooo mean. I'm gonna get him someday. You'll see. Mwahaha. (Pauses)

I never thought it was possible, but I kinda miss being in America already… (Sigh) how long will it be before I can embrace another Budweiser in my hand? And I miss my horsey. I wonder if they have horses in Japan. They probably can only fit ponies...

This boat trip is just soooooo boring! I mean the scenery hasn't changed for ages! It's just ocean, sky, ocean, sky, ocean, sky, hey a seagull! Oh, it's just a cloud…

Sudden cannon blasts startle him as he jumps up to see what was going on.

Two pirates jump on board.

Will Turner: Avast!

A group of screaming girls come out of nowhere and charge towards him.

Fan girls: WE LOVE YOU ORLI!

Will Tuner: Damn not them again! And this time they have limited edition Legolas figures!

He runs away in an elfish haste and his passionate fans desperately chase after him. The other guy drunkly advances upon the confused Algren but stops to pick up one of the figurines left by the girls.

Captain Jack Sparrow: … (Mumbles to him self) not as cute as the real thing…

Algren: Um?

Captain Sparrow: Ahoy there! Me name's the famous Captain Jack Sparrow. Now give us your booty y' scurvy dog or its off the plank for yee. Arghhh (growl for effect)

Algren: Err… Sprechen Sie Englisch?

Captain Sparrow: Eh? Dammit we must've hit a Spaniard ship! Erm… me pirate! You give gold! Me swordy… (Drastic gestures with sword and points to sea) You die! Savvy? Si? Comprehende?

Algren: Sea?

Captain Sparrow: Now that's a good lad. Now off to the cabin and show us y' gold!

Algren: Um (wild gestues) No gold! Um… Yes grog!

Captain Sparrow: (Looks interested) Grog? Y' mean y' have rum?

Algren: (Quickly takes out a bottle) See?

Captain Sparrow: Now that's what I'm talkin' about!

Few hours later Captain Algren and Captain Sparrow indulge in America's finest alcohol and unite in horribly singing their favourite song.

Algren & Sparrow: …and really bad eggs. Drink up me hearties yo ho! Yo-ho Yo-ho A Pirates for me! Arggghhh!

Sparrow: So mate, where y off to?

Algren: Argghhh…off to the land of rice wine!

Sparrow: Out of rice? Must be the French…

Will Turner: (who was still being frantically chased by his fan-girls) Parley! Mercy! Please just go away!


Author: That's all for now but the second last samurai will return bigger and better and funnier!