Wow...this is my first fanfiction...I hope you enjoy!
I don't own Zelda. Don't rub it in.
The Legend of Zelda: The Weird Waker
Chapter 1: Prolouge
Once upon a time...wait, that's not right.
This is but one of the legends of which the people speak...what do you mean, what people? The people of the Great Sea, dimwit!
Long ago, there existed a kingdom where a golden power lay hidden. That's very descriptive, "golden power." Is that the "golden power" of the golden arches? The "golden power" of the Golden Gate Bridge?
It was a prosperous land blessed with green forests, tall mountains, and peace. There was also a volcano, a castle, a thieve's hideout, and a portal to a parallel universe. And there was no peace! Every race waged war on each other!
But one day, a man of great evil found the golden power and took it for himself. He went over to the people and said, "Gimme that thar golden power thang." And they handed it over to him, even though he looked like he was evil, sounded like he was evil, smelled like he was evil, and said he was evil.
With its strength at his command, he spread darkness throughout the kingdom...well, actually, he took the golden power, then it split into three pieces and THEN spread darkness throughout the kingdom.
But then, when all hope had died and the hour of doom seemed at hand, the man of great evil crushed everybody. Or so you would think, except...
...a young boy clothed in green appeared as if from nowhere. In truth, he appeared from the Kokiri Forest, and must they always focus on the greeness? Couldn't he be distinguished by his transparent blonde hair?
Wielding the blade of evil's bane, he sealed the dark one away and gave the land light. Again, another case of nondescriptivitis. First, he worked his way through three bad-arse dungeons to get three Spiritual Stones, took a seven-year nap, worked his way through FIVE MORE bad-arse dungeons to get five Medallions, then wallowed through a gigantic evil tower, fought the evil dude, stampeded down the tower in less than three minutes, THEN sealed him away. Actually, it was the seven sages who sealed him away.
This boy, who traveled through time to save the land, was known as the Hero of Time. Not the Hero of Silly-Hatness, Transparent-Blonde-Hairness, or Green-Dress-Wearing-Elfishness. Wonder where some one would get a confusing name like that.
The boy's tale was passed down through generations until it became legend. Which perfectly explains why it's called The Legend of Zelda, NOT The Legend of Link.
But then...a day came when a fell wind began to blow across the kingdom. NO, NOTHING BUT MOVING AIR! I'LL NEVER COMPLETE THIS CASTLE OF CARDS!
The great evil that all thought had been forever sealed away by the hero...was still sealed away, whaddaya think? In reality, the great evil...
...one again crept forth from the depths of the earth, eager to resume its dark designs. Nope, couldn't say plots, just had to say "designs." No one ever says "designs" in that matter of reference.
The people believed that the Hero of Time would again come to save them, being the feeble wimps they were...
...but the hero did not appear, the Linkedict Arnold.
Faced by an onslaught of evil, the people could do nothing but appeal to the gods. Couldn't run, hide, or run and hide in a bomb shelter, for they were just too peaceful. They could make cities in volcanoes, but they couldn't make a sword out of Play-Doh.
In the last hour, as doom drew nigh, they left their future in the hands of fate. Although fate told the people to harness the golden power and lay the smackdown on the great evil, they didn't listen.
What became of that kingdom? None remain who know. Actually, I know. But I'm not telling. It's for me to know and you to get annoyed by becuase you'll never know! MWUHAHAHAHA!
The memory of the kingdom vanished, but its legend survived on the wind's breath. How does something survive on the wind's breath? None remain who know...even I don't know!
On a certain island, it became customary to garb young boys in green when they came of age. Exactly WHAT age? Nondescript! Nondescript!
Clothed in the green of fields, they aspired to find heroic blades and cast down evil. The young boys probably wouldn't have much work to do, seeing as how the island is less than a mile long. And not all fields are green. Some are brownish, wheatish colored. FIND heroic blades? Do the morons just expect swords to be laying out in the open?
The elders wish only for the youths to know courage like the hero of legend...which would be impossible to achieve unless said youths acquired the Triforce of Courage...
This chapter was actually quite easy to do! Don't know about next one...I shall update after three reviews...I think. Shortly after, because I might still be writing chapter two. See ya!