Title: Oddity

Author: Lady Saint – Niah, at your service.

Rating: It's R – M. There's canon, ooh, kidding. No, really. Uh, is this smut?

Genre: A pathetic attempt at Humor and Romance, some smut on the way but really depends if the bunnies would jump to the plot.

Summary: Draco was unexpectedly partnered with Hermione in their Potions class and – what's this? Hermione clinging onto Draco in a very disturbing manner, seducing, and… chocolate?

Disclaimer: Everybody knows I don't own a damn thing. Why would I bother, right pretty bunnies?

Addendum: Quite OOC. Blame it on too much Miroku / Kagome fics… oh, and hey, there's Sandra E. The title of this fic is from her as well. She's my inspiration.

A/N: A major jump from my usual writing. It's more… freestyle than before and I like it. Hope you guys do too.

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One

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The fucking weasel deserved to die.

How dare he touch my new – and expensive – coat? Now, it's infected with muggle viruses a-and… worse, he might have been actually touching Granger with those filthy and disgusting hands.

Not only that, he had been eyeing my new bag pretty enticingly. As if actually yearning to touch, caress, my bag with those… Merlin, please stop the continuous horrid mental images that are now torturing me with abandon.

I shuddered as I wrote down hurriedly on a piece of parchment as I listened at Professor Snape's babbling on about Polyjuice Potions and… you know what, I don't give a damn.

Damn.

Granger is looking at me. Why the bloody hell is she looking at me like… that! It's quite unnerving. Quite disgusting. Quite… ooh, look at that, pretty shirt. Oops, wait. Back to the story at hand.

She's raising a rather bushy – no, wait… oh, yes, it is. – eyebrow at me and shook her head in an annoying gesture. Well, as entertaining as it is – with her looking at me like that, it's not a very good scene to look at – I should probably turn my head away from her.

Yet I didn't.

Oddly enough, I stood my ground and looked at her as intense as she was doing. A small smirk started to appear on my pale face and is thinking of staying there for quite a while. I realized, this was a rather good hobby.

Even though we were a mile away from each other, I can see her eyelashes flutter in a rather entrancing manner – wait, did I just say that? But anyway, she wouldn't budge. Why?

I glared at her and I noticed her gaze waver. Good, good. Stupid mudblood. You should lose, lose I tell you! I cackled evilly inside my head and I realized, I was not thinking quite clearly.

I coughed furiously. What the hell was I thinking? Insanity was taking its toll on my beautiful blond head. I muttered darkly under my breath.

"Bad Draco, no. Shouldn't think of such things. Inane, silly things."

Both of my seatmates that are on my sides looked at me with curious expressions. Pansy, the one on my right, raised a skeptical brow whilst Crabbe, on my right, just picked on his nose.

Ew. Disgusting display of snot picking.

I turned my head to look at a more decent sight; Pansy was grinning at me. I smirked back and pointed her to the direction of Granger's bushy hair. She stifled a giggle.

Why was she giggling? I haven't even told her the joke yet. Such a strange girl, that she is. I rolled my eyes and murmured to her, "I have a theory that Granger likes Weasley… the only problem is that, the weasel likes boys rather than beavers."

She laughed out loud. Much better. I chuckled with her. Professor Snape looked at us strangely but I shrugged it off. I know he wouldn't do anything about us laughing our pretty heads of at class considering… he likes me too much. I snorted and ended up laughing like a hyena.

H-he… g-gay… ew.

Another bad mental image.

I should stop thinking about other guys, I thought with a mental barf. Really, really disturbing thoughts would make me insane – and gay. Ooh, but I would be such a hot gay bloke. Another nasty thought. Think about the women, the babies, the puppies when I turn to the gay side.

Heh.

Mostly the women. I grinned. No objections now, the rather irritating voices inside my head. I hushed. You won't speak until I tell you to. What's the use of so many consciences in your mind when you don't even need them?

Really, what the hell is their purpose?

I snorted. Oh, crap. Did I just snort? Draco Malfoy does not snort! It is beneath me to do such horrible thing. Snorting is for fools; and I am no fool or such.

"Mr. Malfoy?" Snape's voice echoed through the quiet dungeon. "Would you kindly answer my question?"

I looked around curiously and nodded my head in confusion. I stood up. "Certainly, professor though would you repeat the question again so I can analyze it thoroughly?"

Snape looked at him strangely and raised a brow. Really, what is it with raising brows these days? "I only asked if you were feeling well, Draco. It seems you have been spacing out lately." He drawled in his annoying tone. "Would you like to go to Madam Pomfrey?"

"No, I'm fine, professor." I gritted out. "May I take my seat now?"

He bobbed his head, making his greasy hair bounce on his also greasy head. I chuckled mentally as he continued on. Gaylord Professor Snape; I snorted, yet again. I groaned.

Stupid tonsils.

Ugh.

I scanned the room with droopy eyes and dropped at a certain point when I noticed… her.

Why is Granger staring at me again?

What is it with her and my… gorgeous-ness? Is she too tantalized by my beautiful everything? Is she jealous? Though, I'm pretty doubtful that she is considering that she has a wonderfully proportioned rack.

Not that I'm looking. Eheh.

Oops, why am I thinking like these? Have I sniffed some dangerous potion or something? I rubbed the back of my neck slowly.

Or maybe… nope, I've just gone insane.

"Stop looking at me, mudblood," I hissed at her. She glared back.

"Sod off, Malfoy." She replied airily. "I wasn't looking at you precisely. Just at your chest." She smirked.

I smirked. "I see, can't resist my charm-filled body?" I said haughtily.

"No," she stifled a giggle. "Just at that parchment."

My eyes widened in curiosity – at least my eyebrows didn't shoot upwards – and looked down at my covered chest.

I am gay. I suck monkey balls.

"What the?" I shouted. I stood up knocking my chair off backwards. The class looked at me as if I had gone crazy – which I have – and snickered at my expense.

"Mr. Malfoy, sit down." Snape said sternly, not finding the situation at all funny. At least he's with me.

Ew.

Nasty thought. Erase that part. He's definitely not with me.

I sat down, fairly humiliated and… I couldn't help it. I laughed.

I fucking laughed.

I suddenly remembered what happened yesterday. Granger falling over on top of the rug with the Slytherin emblem. Her skirt rode upwards to her hips. Students laughing. Teachers smiling, trying their hardest not to laugh out loud. And me – pointing at her grandma knickers.

I chuckled at the thought.

That was why Granger was looking at me. Her lips were moving not that visibly though I noticed her murmuring. She was reciting an incantation. She was getting back at me. Ooh, feisty. I'd like a good challenge every now and then.

A payback is in order, Granger, and I promise it'll be good.

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Okay, before you start screaming at me, telling me this was a load of OOC crap, I forewarned you about that already. Now, please, review and tell me what you think.

Draco: So many… bad… images… in my head.

Hermione: That's what you get in thinking of getting back at me.

Draco: Professor… Snape… naked…. Weasley… sucking… (faints)

Hermione: Err, Draco? Why are you drooling?