Title: Misfit (Part 4 of the Barely Breathing Thread)

Author: Befanini

Disclaimer: I have absolutely no rights whatsoever. For mad daydreaming purposes only. XD

Rating: M for language and adult situations

Summary: Gojyo has a… er – pressing – problem that only Sanzo can solve. XD

A/N: OOC? Somehow I don't think so… behind closed doors, I think Sanzo can be very playful… In any case, I believe he possesses the most twisted sense of humor of the ikkou.


He drew a circle that shut me out --
Heretic, rebel, a thing to flout.
But love and I had the wit to win:
We drew a circle that took him in.

Edwin Markham


"Here you go, Goku." Hakkai gives the kid a fond smile as he passes the last of the dumplings to the saru. For once the kappa doesn't fight him for it. The kappa is busy elsewhere.

Gojyo nonchalantly lights a smoke while Hakkai and Sanzo discuss the map. Surreptitiously, he drops his left hand down beneath the table and caresses Sanzo's knee. The priest stiffens, but continues talking with Hakkai, trying to control the flush from rising in his porcelain cheeks. Gojyo grins inwardly. His hand slowly moves upwards, stroking a leanly muscled thigh.

Pause.

"Sanzo? Through the forest or down to the valley?" Hakkai repeats his question.

"Ah… Down the valley," Sanzo chokes.

Gojyo snorts and disguises it as a cough, claret eyes twinkling. Down the valley it is… He lets the naughty hand roam even higher, and inward…

The priest barely stifles a gasp.

Sanzo is about to whip out the harisen as Gojyo wickedly squeezes the monk's thigh, but Goku halts the both of them in their tracks.

"I don't want it," Goku declares, pushing the plate away. Away to Gojyo. "Here, erogappa. You eat it."

Gojyo's eyes pop in terror. Does the monkey suspect? Has he guessed the naughty game Gojyo is playing? Gojyo breaks into a cold sweat, and his eyes bulge even more at the reply Goku gives to Hakkai's concerned "Nande, Goku?"

"Coz I'm worried about him. Haven't you noticed, Hakkai? Lately Gojyo's pants have been getting looser and looser…"

Sanzo chokes on his tea and barely manages to cover his mouth as he spits. Gojyo turns a bright red, and jumps up to deny hotly. Sanzo pulls him down, glaring. Hakkai looks at them both strangely.

"You're right, Goku," the healer says, thoughtfully rubbing his chin with his hand. "Gojyo does seem to have gotten thinner…"

Gojyo grabs the plate and scarfs down the dumplings to satisfy Hakkai and shut up the bakazaru.

Sanzo pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger.


Gojyo taps softly at Sanzo's door, and presses his face to the wood. "Open up, purple eyes…" he whispers yearningly.

The door cracks open an inch. A violet eye glares at him. "Didn't I tell you to stay put tonight? They already suspect something…" the priest hisses, low.

"They don't. They just think I'm getting thin. And I will, if you don't open up. I'll pine for you…" Gojyo wheedles, waggling his eyebrows.

"'Ch. The answer is no, kappa. Now get back to your own room!" Sanzo shuts the door.

"Oh, it's cruel you are, cruel!" Gojyo calls, wriggling the doorknob.

Click! Sanzo locks the door.

Gojyo glares at the slab of wood.

Then he knocks again.

"Little pig, little pig, let me in…" the kappa chants.

Silence.

"Oi tareme (droopy eyes)! You're supposed to say 'Not by the hair of my chinny chin chin'!"

Gojyo fancies he heard a snort of laughter. Encouraged, he croons again.

"Sanzo o my Sanzo… Wherefore art thou, Sanzo?"

Gojyo is mistaken. It was a growl he heard.

"Give it up, baka EROgappa! Not tonight, and I mean it!"

"But who knows when we'll get the chance again…"

No answer.

Dammit. Gojyo curses under his breath and walks off, a glint in his scarlet eyes. Time for Plan B…


Gojyo sneaks inside Sanzo's room, carefully shutting the window behind him. He pads softly to the bed and eases himself down beside the sleeping priest. He snakes his arm around Sanzo and pulls him back to his body hungrily.

Sanzo jolts in surprise. Gojyo clamps a brown hand over Sanzo's lips, whispering in his ear. "It's me, lover, it's me…"

Sanzo grabs the hand and yanks it down roughly. He sits up and faces the kappa with a glower.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he hisses, swatting away eager hands pulling him down into tanned arms.

"I can't bear it… it's driving me fucking nuts…" the kappa answers. He grabs hold of Sanzo's wrists and yanks hard. The monk tumbles down on top of him with a grunt.

"But I already told you – " Sanzo whispers fiercely, trying to avoid the heated mouth pressing passionate, impatient kisses on his face.

"Blah, blah, blah…" Gojyo drawls. His arms encircle Sanzo possessively as he captures the priest's mouth hungrily with his eager lips.

Without meaning to, Sanzo finds himself kissing Gojyo back ardently, their mouths opened wide as their slick tongues explore and slide and thrust hotly against each other. Dimly, Sanzo becomes aware that he and Gojyo are already rubbing their aching arousals against each other's jeans.

Sanzo tears his mouth away with a low moan. "Dammit kappa… I can't think when you're near…"

"So don't think," Gojyo mumbles against his throat, as the kappa laps hotly at his neck.

"You mean to say you risked your stupid neck on the slippery roofs, sneaking into my window, because you have no self-cont – "

"Urusei!" Gojyo growls. He rolls over to pin Sanzo under him as he explores further downwards with his hot, open mouth.

Sanzo groans in sweet defeat, and surrenders.


Gojyo drops down beside Sanzo as they catch their breaths, bare, slick chests heaving. Sanzo chuckles weakly.

"Nande?" Gojyo demands, rolling over to pillow himself on Sanzo's chest. He drapes tanned limbs about the priest possessively.

Sanzo reaches up to thread his fingers through crimson hair. "You and your loose jeans…" Sanzo sputters, then snorts, trying to muffle the guffaws rising up in his throat. "Ow!" he winces, as Gojyo pinches a pale nipple. The kappa frowns up at him.

"It's not funny, dammit!" Gojyo scowls.

"It is too!" Sanzo chokes, then buries his face in the pillow to stifle his hilarity.

Gojyo rears up and grabs the monk's wrists and pins them on either side of the golden head.

"Yamero! You can laugh, you goddamn corrupt monk, you have your fucking monk robes to hide in…"

Sanzo howls harder, tears of mirth spilling from his eyes.

Gojyo frantically seals Sanzo's lips with his own before they are discovered and all hell breaks loose. If Hakkai or the baka saru charges in demanding what Sanzo is laughing at all by himself in the middle of the night and discovers Gojyo, there in bed with the monk, both of them naked and sweaty and glowing, then the kappa's sacrifice will have been for nothing.

Sanzo subsides. Gojyo slowly draws back to meet purple eyes twinkling at him in merriment. Gojyo scowls. Then a corner of his mouth quirks. Then he grins. Then he has to bury his head next to Sanzo's on the pillow as he snorts and gasps and chortles. The tan chest and the marble chest rumble and shake against each other as they fight to muffle their amusement.

Finally Gojyo scoots back down to his former position, locking his arms around the monk's torso, loving the sound and the feel of Sanzo's heart against his ear.

"Baka…" Gojyo mutters, planting a soft kiss over that beating heart. "It's all your fault I have a permanent hard-on these days…"

Sanzo gives a last, weak chuckle, running his fingers lazily up and down Gojyo's back. "I know… Gomen…" he apologizes insincerely.

"Huh." The redhead snuggles himself more cozily against Sanzo. "It's easy for you, like I said you have that robe to hide under… think of poor me, having to wear these ill-fitting denims…"

"Poor kappa…" Sanzo smirks.

"Don't you 'poor kappa' me! I mean it! You do realize those jeans don't show off my legs… I have fine long legs…"

"Gojyo…" Sanzo begs, laughing weakly.

"What? It's true! I have great legs!"

"Yes you do…"

"And now no one will ever know… I'll have to wear baggy jeans for the rest of my life, like a fucking homeboy… well, at least I already have the bandanna to go with it…" Gojyo snorts disgustedly.

"Yamero! Stop it, stop it…" Sanzo wheezes, golden head lolling on the pillow.

"…Or maybe even loose gray trousers with bright red suspenders like a freaking old geezer in a nursing home…"

Gojyo is dislodged from his human pillow as Sanzo doubles up into a ball, ramming a pillow over his face and clutching his stomach painfully as he laughs hysterically.

"I… I have a bet – better idea…" Sanzo gasps, emerging from his pillow and rolling over to face Gojyo. The kappa raises his brows.

"Take the vows with me, kappa. Then you can have your own robes to conceal your – er – perpetual suffering."

Gojyo recoils, shuddering in mock horror "Anything but that! Tenkai forbid…"

Sanzo smiles and opens his arms. Gojyo nestles into them contentedly, purring like a great wildcat.

"Sanzo…" Gojyo rumbles against his chest.

"Hmm?"

"I'm 'suffering' again…"

Sanzo rolls over and braces an elbow on either side of Gojyo's wickedly grinning face. "Baka!"

"You know you love it…" Red eyes burn hotly into violet.

Sanzo leans down and presses a soft kiss on Gojyo's mouth. "Urusei! … I love you, you lunatic…" he breathes against those sinful lips.

Gojyo wraps his arms fiercely around Sanzo, whispering back against the priest's lips. "Mmm…I love you more…"


When Goku bounces in to call Sanzo for breakfast the next morning, he gets the shock of his life. The poor saru stays frozen at the door, eyes goggling, jaws slack, flabbergasted.

"Nani? What's the matter, Goku…Huh?" Hakkai, too, stops in his tracks. And stares.

Seated side by side on Sanzo's bed are the priest and the kappa, eyes closed, chins bowed, sitting in the lotus position, chanting solemnly.

After a while Sanzo unfolds his limbs and gets up to join the two at the door. He passes by Gojyo and pats his head, encouraging him. "Practice, baka erogappa. Practice."

"What is that all about?" Hakkai asks, baffled, as Sanzo reaches them.

"Hm? Oh. I'm teaching the kappa to learn meditation. For the art of self-denial."

"Deny himself what?" Goku asks curiously.

"Er… his impulses..."

Gojyo twitches.

"Ah… he's trying to quit smoking, you see. Smoking kills your appetite. It makes you thin…" Sanzo says quickly, ushering the two out. He looks back, and Gojyo rolls his eyes.

"We'll keep breakfast waiting for you, Gojyo," Hakkai calls back over his shoulder.

"IF I don't eat it all!" Goku threatens mischievously.

Sanzo smacks his lips at Gojyo secretly, and pulls the door shut.

Gojyo shrugs. Fine. If this will get him back in his old, properly fitting, sexy jeans, then he's willing to try anything. He takes a deep breath.

"Ohhmmmmm….."

-owari-


Japanese mini-glossary:

Erogappa: Horny water imp

Bakazaru: Stupid monkey

Harisen: Paper fan

Nande: Why

Urusei: Shut up

Yamero: Stop it

Baka: idiot

Gomen: Sorry

Tenkai: Heaven

Nani: What