Disclaimers: I wonder if they will ever make chocolate shapes out of Jak characters... Well that has nothing to do with the disclaimer, but you should know by now that NO ONE owns them on this website unless they're actually from Naughty Dog...
Genre: General, Humor
Game: Jak III after the game.
Summery: Just how do you deal with a decaffeinated Jak? Its not pretty folks!
Author Notes: Wow! I've been so out of the Jak and Dax loop... there are some cool new authors out there! Man I feel so out of touch... anyway I hope this story isn't out there. If it is... I'm really out of touch. I hope you enjoy it:)
This 'fic is to those who live and thrive on coffee. The life blood of the stressed out business and workers alike. Believe me when I say there is a coffee shops and cafes EVERYWHERE in the city.
Jak woke up groggily as the sunlight manage to peak through a hole in the vertical blind and hit his eyes. He grumbled and cursed and turned over.
Too late he was already awake.
After some more cursing and threats to do something horrible to the blind, Jak rose from his bed, lazily untangling himself from the sheets. He got out of the soft comfort and groaned as his feet hit the floor. His fluro yellow hair was in a tangled mess as droopy lines and shadows appeared under his eyes. Jak realized he wasn't wearing any clothing so on autopilot he dragged on some pants then zombied off to the kitchen.
His bare feet slapped on the cold tiles of the autumn morning. Jak, in his slouched position, headed towards one spot where he knew he could be renewed and a fresh to start the day, and even feeling up to saving the world, one more time.
The holy coffee pot.
He pressed the button for the coffee to be filtered through.
What's taking so long? Jak's eyes blinked, staring tiredly at the small cheap machine. His mind finally told Jak that something was up and so Jak checked the contents of the machine.
Filter, check. Water, check.
Coffee... no coffee.
Jak's eyes blinked a few hundred times to see if it wasn't his mind playing a cruel trick on him.
Nope it hadn't magically appeared.
Jak lifted his bobbed head towards the high cabinet over the sink. With great speed and energy like a sloth Jak opened the doors to find...
He moved towards another cabinet.
His movements were becoming more ecstatic as his mind gripped the very fear that he dreaded in his Dark Eco seduced nightmares...
Jak's hunched position straightened as fear made him alert. The possibility of no coffee was-was-was unthinkable! Things like this didn't happen to people like Jak. Jak was a hero, a star, infamous and technically royalty! He shouldn't be in this situation...
Yet he was.
Jak turned over couches, uprooted bookcases, tore through cupboards, pushed furniture, lifted his mattress, ripped through clothing and groveled at secret hiding spots that were placed around his small apartment home.
No coffee in this house! No coffee anywhere!
He felt like crying. He felt like tearing this place apart with purple clawed hands. He hated having two sides of his own personality.
One thing still remains.
He had no coffee.
Deciding being here was fruitless Jak charged to his room, slid on a blue tunic, pulled on his boots and strapped his gun on his back. He ran out the door and locking his apartment behind him with a push of a button. Running down the two flights of stairs, he entered the outdoors.
Ignoring the beautiful sunny day and nice fresh morning breeze that was rare in the smokey city, Jak ran to a parked Zoomer and jumped on it. Jak hijacked the vehicle and zoomed off to join the slow traffic. His mind set one thing, one goal, he didn't hear his landlord cursing after him for stealing his Zoomer...
Completely ignoring the hover traffic rules, Jak swiftly maneuvered the groggy interchange and almost hitting a few hundred innocent people along the way. How anyone could be out at this time of morning was anyone's guess but Jak thought: If anyone was out in this time of morning, they deserved to die.
His homicidal, caffeine-starved mind didn't realize the sun was almost to its highest point.
After dodging countless of vehicles and people, he reached The Naughty Ottsel. He sloppily parked out the front of the entrance and jumped off. The doors slid open as Jak came in with a murderous look on his face. His blue sapphire eyes bore into the person-or Ottsel- that was behind the counter.
"Hey Jak!" Daxter smiled cheerfully
Jak didn't reply nor showed any indication he heard Daxter. Daxter knew instantly something was up... that was never a good sign. Jak approached the the counter.
"Uh, what's up?" Daxter blinked innocently
Jak stood there for a moment before slamming a fist down on the counter and leaning forward.
"What's wrong? WHAT'S WRONG?"
Ahhh, Jak's first words in the morning...
Daxter cringed back his face blasted with hot and stinky breath. Lines around Jak's eyes deepened.
"I'll tell you what's wrong Daxter! NO COFFEE!"
Daxter was scared... really scared. Not because there was a coffee shortage but Jak was like... this.
"Ok! Ok! You don't have to yell!" Daxter retaliated waving the air in front of him to clear the foul stench, "What's the big deal? Its not like the end of the world!"
Daxter could have sworn Jak's eyes went wide as more lines appeared around his eyes. He was beginning to look really, really scary. Upon seeing this he realized that wasn't the most smartest thing to say right now so he tried to recover.
"I mean, I can help you look for some coffee... yeah that's what I meant heh, heh"
"You have coffee here?" Jak asked his stare never releasing Daxter
"Um yeah, let me... let me check..." Daxter slowly edged his way to below the counter.
Suddenly feeling relieved to be out of sight from Jak's insane glare Daxter proceeded his search for coffee.
He found none. Not even a bean.
"Well?" Jak's harsh voice intensified Daxter's fear
He gulped and his head popped above the counter, back under the scrutinizing stare of his friend.
"T-there's no coffee"
Daxter expected an explosive reaction.
He got none.
Instead Jak's face seemed to stiffen in some sort of hidden anger and it seemed his skin receded back from his blue eyes to appear that Jak had large popping eyes. Daxter flicked his eyes towards Jak's hands and they were clenched, his knuckles white.
Oh this isn't good.
Then quite suddenly Jak's mouth broke into a smile.
It held no humour.
"Heh, heh, heh, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha" Jak's mouth formed dry laughing
Daxter shivered, "Um... buddy?"
Jak grabbed Daxter and pulled him close, "If I don't get coffee I swear I am going to kill the first hundred people I see! You know how important it is that I get coffee?"
"Um... no" Daxter squeaked
"VERY! Important! Understand?" Jak growled
"Um, your hurting me" Daxter choked
Jak seemed to gain some control since he moved back and released Daxter but he made no apology.
"If I come back here and there is NO coffee, there will be hell to pay!" with that Jak turned and left
Daxter stood there, dazed by what just happened.
What did just happened?
Daxter never saw Jak like this before. He'd seen Jak's wrath but it was never directed at him... It was scary. If Jak's caffeine withdrawal was like this... oh boy, he better do something to get coffee into Jak before Jak does something he'd regret!
There was a coffee shortage in the city.
This wasn't good.
This was bad.
With that Daxter ran to find a communicator.
Jak was back on the Zoomer and headed towards the only place that was guaranteed to have coffee.
The only place there was one available was one of the new stores that was built in the industrial section. Many go there for a coffee during lunch breaks while on the job. Jak smashed the Zoomer into the wall for parking as he jumped off and approached the outdoor stand.
There was a line. A long one.
A customer had just received his coffee and walked off and the next one in line approached the stall. Being a considerate, well mannered and kind man that Jak is, he pushed over the little old lady that was being served and leaned over the counter.
"I need coffee!" he demanded
"I'm sorry sir, but you have to wait at the end of the line to be served" the male barista replied
Jak grabbed the guy's shirt and hauled the guy practically over the stall counter. Some waiting customers gasped and a woman screamed.
"I need this coffee, and I need it now!"
"Calm down sir" the man put his hands up in surrender or trying to ease the stranger's anger
"Calm down?" Jak growled as if it was the most stupidest thing that anyone had ever said to him, "I need caffeine!"
"Uh, um, I-I'm not serving caffeine coffee today, sir" the barrister quivered
"T-There is a coffee shortage. I am down to decaff. Coffee. I-I-I'm sorry"
Jak's left eye twitched.
"Who controls coffee around here?" Jak snapped
"Uh, uh the big guns at Defender's HQ" the man muttered
Jak held on for a few seconds before releasing the man. Deciding his wrath wouldn't be poured on this lowly man. He had the compassion of what's left of his rational mind to let this one go.
Jak turned and pushed is way back to his crashed Zoomer, not realizing he'd once again knocked over the poor little old lady, who just got back up.
His mind focused on one thing.
He had business with Defender's HQ today.
The Zoomer rested within the depths of the water. Jak had jumped off the Zoomer upon arrival and sent the vehicle crashing into the water. It sank with a wail of bubbles.
But Jak didn't take notice.
Jak stood in front of the Defender's HQ building, his demeanor solid and deadly. Without a word he entered the elevator. He stepped onto the metal platform. It sensed his presence since the doors slid closed behind him and descended up into the high peaks of the building.
Jak's patience was slowly diminishing. The monotonous whirring sound of the elevator didn't help either.
The need of coffee was growing and growing. With every passing second Jak became more desperate to have his morning fix of strong brown bliss. He didn't care where it came from or how strong it was, as long it was sweet heavenly caffeine.
Not only coffee was a great way to get his mind working properly first thing in the morning but it helped him in keeping his emotions in check and his mind focused. It was a surprise how much coffee meant to him and how much it helped him. He couldn't explain it, he guessed it worked for some people more than others.
Right now he was all over the place, his mind was irrational and taking everything over the top. It was like Dark Jak but instead of the morbid stuff its like an over emotional wound up heated midwife.
Or a psychotic man who left the Mental Health for reasons unknown.
In other simple plain words.
Jak just didn't function without coffee.
What seemed like eternity, the elevator stopped and the doors opened. Jak immediately stepped out and entered the HQ: The base of operations.
There was Ashelin and Samos arguing about something that Jak was too wound up to take note about. Both looked his way when the elevator doors opened since anyone hardly comes up here, unless they were called. There was no one due to come.
"Jak, what are you doing here? You don't do any missions until tomorrow. Remember? Day off? You and Daxter practically whined for one..."
Jak gave no response. His face was a mask of stillness. His movements precise and menacing as he approached the round hologram table.
"Jak?" Samos called
Jak stopped in front of the table and stared at them. The two exchange glances before returning their eyes to Jak.
"Oh grubs" Samos cursed with a sigh, "This is worse than I thought"
They received a message from Daxter earlier about Jak's behavior. It was a good thing they are warned or they could be dealing with an out of control decaffeinated Jak. Instead of a decaffeinated Jak.
The lesser evil is always best.
"Look Jak..." Ashelin started
Jak shifted his eyes to her. They were cold, hard and piercing. She suddenly felt intimidated and wondered if Jak could take the news she would give him.
Or if she had the guts the say it.
Of course she had the guts! She was a Krimzon Guard soldier! She had handled psychos in the past.
Am I now referring to Jak as a psycho?
She shook her head and tried to meet Jak's glare levelly.
Better out than in...
"There is a coffee shortage in the city"
She involuntary held her breath, waiting for a roar, a cry or a tantrum of some kind.
Instead Jak's left eye twitched awkwardly. Some veins near his forehead seemed to poke out as skin tightened around the face again.
Maybe it was better in then out...
She blinked as she realized the outcome she'd hope for didn't come. This was worse. He was like a volcano ready to explode. He just needed more pressure to explode. She looked at Samos expecting an answer, a solution... anything to defuse this situation with minimal casualties.
Samos wished his Green Eco power could produce coffee right now but the cherries that are used for coffee are being grown. The city was running on its own stock of coffee. He'd guessed many drank coffee during the war.
He'd never had to deal with a decaffeinated Jak. Oh no, Jak was a good Sandover boy, he was fit and healthy. Fresh air does wonders for a child. Jak didn't need all this junk to function. But now things were different and Samos had no idea or experience to how to deal with this.
He had to think of something however.
Before things start to escalate.
"Um...uh" Samos tried to think of something hopping his old noggin' would generate an idea
"We were full of stock" Ashelin interrupted Samos and filled in the silence gap
Jak looked at Ashelin again. Samos looked at Ashelin with questioning and pleading eyes. Ashelin looked back at Samos coolly.
She had a plan.
She continued ignoring Jak's silent glare, "But just recently Metal Heads attacked our food stores and destroyed a lot of our supplies, especially coffee"
Jak's eye twitched more quickly and uncontrollably. It showed just a snapshot of the stress he was experiencing.
"I'm sorry Jak, they took our food back to their nest. So a lot of our coffee is gone or taken by them"
Jak didn't say a word. It was strange to see him mute again. But it wasn't from some unknown reason, it was from a pretty well known reason. Jak was just to irrational to speak. He didn't trust himself to speak. If he'd spoke, nothing but cursing and bubbling anger would come, unable to stop. The volcano's pressure would be released. For some reason he refused to give in to that pressure.
He suddenly turned from them and entered the elevator. Doors closed behind him and she let out a breath of relief and gave a triumphant smile.
"What in great Precursor Orbs happened?" Samos demanded
Ashelin gave a smile, "Oh I just sent him on a mission"
"A suicide mission!"
"A trip to the Metal Head Nest isn't suicide... for him..."
"I can't believe you did that!"
"Hey what am I suppose to do? You see how stressed and crazy he was? He wouldn't let it all out so I decided to send him somewhere that would help him take his anger out on something"
"Like Metal Heads?" Samos caught on
"Exactly, hit two birds with one stone" she quoted
"Hmmm... one problem"
"What?" Ashelin looked at Samos
"We still have a coffee shortage"
"Easily fixed" Ashelin grabbed her communicator, "This is Ashelin. I want all the cherry trees ready for harvest to be roasted and prepared for coffee... I don't care if you're on a lunch break! This is a matter of City Security! If you don't do it, we're in a lot of trouble!...Fine you can have a pay rise for the extra labor but that's it! I want it done as soon as possible! Got it? Good!"
She put the communicator away.
Samos turned to her skeptically continuing to poke holes in her 'plan', "What happens if he'd finished with the Metal Heads and finds there is no coffee"
"We have to pray that the farmers have made the coffee by then or we'll face a disaster worst than the Dark Makers and more devastating than the war"
Little explanation. Coffee beans are actually dehydrated and roasted cherries. I can't remember what type of cherries but they are... I saw it on T.V! T.Vs never lie! Do they?
Oh and for those who are learning about the world around them and don't know this: a Barista is a person who makes coffee with those cool expensive three thousand dollar machines in cafes and restaurants. Also a politician.
Oh boy I hope Jak gets coffee before he gets even more insane. Wouldn't you go insane without coffee or something you just have to have?
Anyway please Review! Let me know what you think. Any questions, comments, criticisms, flames or queries? Please send them in. As always, I would like to know what you think. Ahh, the freedom of speech...