Only original story idea and original characters belong to the author. SG1 characters and Dr. Seuss "Green Eggs and Ham" do not. (Don't ask. Just read, ok?) No copyright infringement is intended. Purely for entertainment purposes.

No Regrets 10.

Forty-five minutes later Jack and Sam arrived at the house carrying the Guinness.

"Teal'c?" Jack shouted as he stepped into the hallway.

"I am here, O'Neill."

Jack and Sam followed his voice to the kitchen.

"Hey, buddy. Did you find a movie already?"

"Daniel Jackson expressed a wish to view 'Superman' but I was unable to locate it."

"Superman?" Sam looked at Jack with her face scrunched up in a puzzled expression.

Jack shrugged his shoulders and started toward the den, when Sam's voice stopped him. It had 'that' edge to it – the one that told him there was danger approaching.


He turned to look at her and followed her gaze, which appeared to be spellbound on his kitchen window. Jack frowned as she raised her hand and he caught a glimpse of her concern.

"Dammit! Daniel!"

In less than a heartbeat he was running from the kitchen with Teal'c close behind him. Sam remained frozen in place until she saw Jack and Teal'c appear outside the window then she, too, commanded her feet to take flight.

"Danny! Get the hell down from there! What do you think you're doing?"

"Hey, Zac! I'm danzin! Come on, wanna danz!"

Daniel stood atop the four-foot high railing that encircled Jack's deck with his arms flailing out to his sides like a circus high-wire walker, his beer sloshing out the top of the bottle as he moved. His drunken state was causing him to sway wildly as he sang and danced on the 4-inch rail. Suddenly Jack started laughing.

"Daniel! Get your happy ass down here now. That's an order!"

"He, he, he. Don take orders from zou n-e-more! I'm a sss…sss…vilyan! Come on, Zac! Zust have Fun!" Daniel teetered precariously off center and Jack took a quick step forward to try and steady him. "No! Not comin down!"

"You're gonna break your fool neck, Daniel! How am I supposed to explain that to the CMO! Now get down."


Daniel was now pouting at Jack and clutching the bottle of Guinness close to his chest. Suddenly he turned and started to walk in the other direction with Jack following close beside him, watching for the chance to grab him without knocking him over the edge. Each step sent one of his legs wildly into the surrounding air until he unsteadily set it back on the rail. It was only four feet to the deck, but twelve feet to the ground. That was more than enough for a dangerous fall. Suddenly Daniel caught sight of Sam and a wide, goofy smile lit up his face.

"Sam! Hi, Sam! Look Zack it's Sam I am!"

"Hi, Daniel." Sam's voice was soft and calming but she was having a bit of trouble holding back her giggles. "Come down, Daniel. It's time for the movie."

"Nope! I'm danzin."

"Yeah, I can see you are. Well, come down here and I'll dance with you."

"Yeah? Wiff me?"

"Sure, Daniel."

She was smiling warmly at the extremely intelligent man now acting like a total idiot in the middle of the night on Jack's deck.

Daniel grinned wickedly for a moment, then tried to straighten. Jack stood close by, a slight smirk on his face and Teal'c watched from ground level, ready to catch Daniel if he fell.

Daniel looked back at Sam, his face suddenly totally serious and said, "You know what, Sam I am? I do not like green eggs and ham!"

Sam and Jack exchanged a surprised look and then both broke out in giggles.

"What?" Jack asked between swells of laughter, "Twenty three languages and all you can come up with is misquoted Dr. Seuss?"

Daniel held his serious stare and looking directly at Jack started up again.

"Would you dance with a goat?

On a lake? In a Cake?

Would you dance on a boat?

In a car? On a Star?

On a ham with Sam I am?"

Sam looked at Jack, still giggling almost uncontrollably.

"Sir, you'd better get him down. I think he's losing it!"

Then she started giggling again as she looked at Teal'c, his brow definitely furrowed as he tried to understand Daniel's strange behavior.

Daniel suddenly laughed again and gleefully repeated, "Dance on a ham with Sam I am!"

"Come on, Daniel. You're killing me, here!"

Sam was laughing so hard now, that Jack was beginning to think she might actually fall down. Before he could finish that thought, Daniel bestowed on them another rhyme.

"You cannot kill him with a gun

You cannot kill him with a gate,

With a plane or can of spam,

But you can kill him, Sam I am

Just make him eat green eggs and ham!"

"Come on, Dr. Seuss, playtime's over."

Jack held out a hand to help Daniel step down, but Daniel only stared at it for a moment then suddenly began to empty his beer into Jack's palm.

"Daniel!" Jack yelped as the brew splashed across him and Sam and Daniel giggled loudly.


"Daniel, as much as I'm enjoying this…you really do need to get down." Jack was smiling at his friend thinking that this was a first. He'd never seen this reaction in a drunken Daniel and it was quite amusing.

Daniel studied him for a moment, the silly grin still dominating his face. "K, Zac."

Then without warning he started to lean backwards, arms and legs flailing as he tumbled completely gracelessly over the rail.


Jack yelled as his hand just missed catching Daniel's leg and he and Sam watched, as if in slow motion, as Daniel's body hurtled toward Teal'c. There was a soft thud and a small grimace from the pair of spectators, followed by low chuckles and the sound of running feet on the deck.

"Teal'c, you all right?"

"I am fine, O'Neill." His voice a bit muffled as he tried to remove himself from beneath the weight of Daniel Jackson.

"Daniel, are you all right?"

Jack was kneeling beside them checking Daniel for any injury.

"Sure, Zac. Fine!"

Sam giggled again and Jack turned to look at her.

"Now that I know they're both ok, I sure wish I had a camera!"

"Carter! Will you stop giggling and get over here and help me!"

"Sorry, Sir."

She stepped around the sprawled bodies and they both reached for Daniel and stood him on his feet. His legs buckled once but then held him upright. Jack pulled one of Daniel's arms around his shoulder and slipped his own arm around his waist, Sam did the same and they started to move towards the steps. Daniel was still laughing as they walked him into the den and sat him down on the couch. For a moment they both stood looking at him and smiling, shaking their heads and wondering how he'd manage not to hurt himself this time.

Jack saw the light in Daniel's eyes start to fade and leaned down to gently slapped his cheeks.

"Hey, Danny? You know where you are?"

Daniel looked up, on the verge of passing out, and then looked from one of them to the other. He lifted his arm as if it weighed a thousand pounds and pointed to each of them. They glanced at each other then Carter shrugged and shook her head.

"Sam and Jack. Jack and Sam."

Daniel slurred out the names lazily and then to their amazement (and amusement), Dr Seuss made a final return visit.

"Sam loves Jack

And Jack loves Sam

Belong together…Sam I Am

Belong together

Like green eggs and ham."

And then Daniel's head fell back against the couch as he passed out. Sam and Jack were both laughing when they noticed Teal'c was now standing behind them.

"What is this 'green eggs and ham' of which Daniel Jackson speaks? I have not heard him mention this before? Is it significant?"

"No, Teal'c, but come morning…he's gonna feel like he ate lots and lots of green eggs. Not to mention the ham!"